


Stuck in the Closet With You

by Rainboq



Category: Life Is Strange (Video Game)
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Chloe is such a gay disaster, Depression, Disaster Gays, F/F, Fluff and Angst, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, No smut until the characters are 18, Panic Attacks, References to Depression, Seven Minutes In Heaven Game, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Young Chloe and Max, baby gays, school bullying
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:00:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 40,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25294324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rainboq/pseuds/Rainboq
Summary: Chloe gets Dana's birthday party to play Seven Minutes in Heaven.She probably should have given it a second thought.
Relationships: Maxine "Max" Caulfield/Chloe Price
Comments: 349
Kudos: 308





	1. First Kiss

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Bluekip](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bluekip/gifts).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Work dedicated to Bluekip because her enthusiasm is infectious and her art is awesome.

_Go to Dana’s birthday party she said. It’ll be fun, she said._ She can’t help rolling her eyes at the tweeness of the party, her much more mature fourteen-year-old brain yearning to be at a much cooler party. But Max had asked, and Chloe wasn’t about to turn down _anything_ Max asked for. Not now that just being around that dopey freckled face and ponytail made her chest get all fluttery and her palms weirdly sweaty. Just being around Max made the world that much more vibrant and wonderful. It was hard to explain and she wasn’t about to risk her coolness by confessing to anything goopy. So, she found herself at a birthday party with a bunch of girls younger than her, obsessing over their stupid boy bands and which guy they were going to date in school. At least Max doesn’t give a shit about any of that stuff, pirates for life yo.

Max sat next to her on the couch as Dana and Juliette got into a heated argument about which out of two boys in the band were better at singing. Justin was busy getting into an argument with Trevor over skateboarding trivia. Chloe barely manages to keep from groaning aloud at the inanity of it. _Well if you want to make it interesting, why don’t you do it yourself?_ She glances over to Max for encouragement, giving her a mischievous wiggle of the eyebrows. Max does her usual way too god damn cute shy smile and holds out a shaky thumbs up. _She must be bored out of her mind too._ “So, what say we spice this party up?”

A lot of thirteen-year-old heads snap to face her and she grins. _Oh yeah, this is gonna be fun._ “Any of you kids ever heard of seven minutes of heaven?”

The game starts off pretty fun, Dana ends up locked in the closet with some guy she’s crushing on named James and everyone got a good laugh out of the face sucking noises that issued forth.

“Damn Dana! Leave the guy’s face still attached!”

“James, stop trying to eat her head, you dork!”

Chloe winks at Max, who was shuffling around a little nervously. “Don’t worry, someone tries to do that to you and I’ll kick their butt.”

Max flashes a smile that makes her chest get tingly for some weird reason before returning to trying to fuse with the wallpaper.

Someone rapped on the door and shouted out “TIME!”

Dana and James stumbled out of the closet, faces flushed and readjusting some clothes before everyone reformed the circle. Dana spun the bottle for the next poor soul to enter the closet, and it landed on a girl named Emily. Her face goes beet red when her spin of the bottle lands on Trevor and the pair share a slightly uncomfortable look. _Shit, didn’t she turn him down for a date?_ The bottle had spoken however, and the pair were forced into the closet. Chloe doesn’t bother listening to this one, hovering close to Max again in hope she’ll get another smile like that. Max gives a little shy smile and shuffles closer to her. _Man, it must be bad if she went all non-verbal on me._ She lowers her voice down to a whisper, “You doing okay Max? If you want we can bail and hit the high seas.”

“N-no, I’m good. Just… never seen this happen at a party before.”

“Hehe, I should start bringing you to the ones I’m invited to. This is nothing.”

Max’s cheeks turn more than a little rosey and Chloe feels her guts tingle a little at the spectacle. _W-whoa… Okay, that’s new._ “L-like what?”

“Makeouts without getting locked in a closet for one. Elliot was making out with this Susan girl, but like I think he was trying to make me jealous? He’s weird.”

Max goes a little pale, her eyes little blue saucers. “W-whoa, yeah, way more mature… And yeah, sounds weird. Boys are pretty gross.”

More tingles floated around her chest. “Heh, yeah, they are pretty gross.”

The seven minutes were up and the pair were released from their captivity, dignity largely intact. The bottle spins around again and again and Juliet is bound for the closet with a girl named Kayla, and a big “Ooooooohhh!” came from the peanut gallery at the first same sex pairing of the evening. It didn’t help that Juliette’s face is pure crimson. Max and Chloe make their way back to the wall again, practically touching as they watch everyone chanting for the two to kiss. “Wow, these dorks are really into getting girls to kiss.”

“Y-yeah…”

“Still better than kiss boys though, eugh.”

Max gives a soft giggle and bumps her shoulder into Chloe’s bicep. The contact sends a little thrill through Chloe. _Whoa, since when has touching Max done this to me?_ “Heh, yeah…”

“Hey, you’re still coming over tomorrow, yeah? Dad’s got the day off.”

Max stares down at her feet for a moment before giving a small nod. “Y-yeah. I wonder if we’ll make pancakes.”

“Oh, you bet!” _Too bad you’re moving away…_ She turns her head a bit so Max can’t see the flash of sadness on her face. _But we’re pirates together forever, we’ll be fine. We’ll totally visit and stuff._

“Tomorrow is gonna be great.”

The two lapse into silence as they watch the spectacle of everyone freaking out over the girl's kissing. Chloe tries to picture it herself and gets another thrill in her gut. _Gonna have to think about that more later I guess. Do some… research on the computer when dad isn’t looking._ She flashes a grin at Max, who returns it, some of the pirate bravado coming out.

The time eventually comes up and the doors are opened, the pair walking out, faces completely red as the crowd peppers them with questions about it.

“Did you kiss!”

“How was it?!”

“Are you two… gay?”

“TELL US!”

Juliet and Kayla stay mute on the subject. _Damn, Jules is being quiet, that’s a first._ The circle reforms again and Kayla sends the bottle spinning on its axis. It lands on Max. The pair share a look and her heart aches to see the panic on her freckled features. _Oh no, please don’t land on a boy, oh god. I don’t want to go to jail for breaking someone’s face._ Max stays stock still, her wide eyes pleading with Chloe to _do something_. She can’t do anything; the bottle has spoken and it’s all her fault. The crowd chant for Max to spin the bottle. The show must go on. Max closes her eyes and shudders, taking a deep breath before reaching out and spinning the bottle. Chloe can’t take her eyes off it as it spins around too slowly, the plastic flashing again and again under the lights as she waits to see where the cap will point. It lands on Chloe.

She lets out a breath she didn’t know she was holding as the crowd erupts in yelling and she finds herself getting hauled up and shoved into the closet. She keeps her eyes locked on Max, who’s panicked eyes lock back onto hers until the door is closed. She sees Max’s quick breathing and wraps her arms around her tiny frame. “Come on Max, breath. Remember what they taught you? Slow in and out, come on, I’ll do it with you. Iiiiiiin, ouuuuuuut. Iiiiiiiin, ouuuuuut.”

Max’s breathing slowly comes back to normal and they pull apart, looking at each other in the dim gloom of the incandescent bulb. Chloe swallows hard. _I… Shit, we’re supposed to kiss in here. And I… kinda want to, I think?_

She sees Max swallow as well before she faintly whispers. “W-what are we supposed to do?”

“We’re… supposed to like… kiss and stuff.”

The tiny room is impossibly warm, her cheeks feel like they’re on fire while she fidgets, gauging Max’s reaction. _Oh god, what if she doesn’t want to kiss? What if asking just like kills our friendship before she moves? Oh no, nononono._

“I-I’ve… never kissed anyone.”

Chloe rubs the back of her neck, letting her awesome façade slip for a second in front of her best friend. “S-same…”

Max’s eyebrows rocket upwards. “W-what? But you’re like, so cool!”

Chloe shrugs, her heart thundering in her chest. _I hope Max can’t hear that._ “N-nobody who’s asked was worth kissing.”

Max’s eyes dart around as she grips the thick carpet on the floor. “W-who would be?”

The butterflies in Chloe’s chest want to fly out of her mouth. “I… An awesome pirate.”

A smile slowly spreads over Max’s face. “A… pirate?”

“Not just any pirate, gotta be an awesome one.”

“Sounds like a pretty short list.”

“Y-yeah, just one name on it.”

“Oh yeah, who’s?”

Their lips find each other, just for a moment. The brief contact sends goosebumps rippling over her body and her heart feels like it’s about to explode. She waits for Max to freak out, to scream and run. She doesn’t and the moment stretches out. Then the door handle starts turning and the two break apart as quickly as they can before the door flies open and the screaming starts.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed these baby gays. I might spin this out into an AU where they keep in touch if I can find the time.
> 
> Please, leave some comments and let me know what you think!
> 
> Edit: *SCREAMING* BLUEKIP DID FANART AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
> 
> Also this is now going to be a series, by popular demand. No idea when it'll update but watch this space.


	2. Making the Call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Max has moved to Seattle, but she hasn't forgotten.

The image of Chloe, standing alone next to William’s grave as their station wagon drove away is forever etched into Max’s mind. No camera can capture all the feelings in her small chest. The guilt that swims in her gut as she leaves her best friend behind. She’s begged, pleaded and screamed with her parents not to move. Chloe needed her, she needed Chloe. They’d both lost him, he’d been all but adopted Max over all their shared adventures. But no, some things cannot be changed. Instead she sits in her new room, walls bare and floors covered in boxes. It smells weird. There’s no life here, there’s no shared past with Chloe, no little artifacts of their time spent together. Her hand drifts up to her lips, another moment seared forever into her mind. The feeling of Chloe’s lips against her own, the way her mouth had parted just slightly, her eyes flicking closed. The emotional accompaniment is a tumult of excitement, panic and new things she’d never felt before. She’d never felt her pulse race in a way that wasn’t panic, her palms getting sweaty and her spine tingling.

Her breathing starts hitching, it feels like her throat is closing up, her chest compressing. Every breath quickly turns into a struggle as she’s rooted to the spot. She’d left her. She had to hate her now. No more Chloe. No more kisses. No more someone holding her when she panics. No more pirate adventures. No more Captain Bluebeard. Her vision starts to swim. Her hands grip the blankets. Blackness starts creeping in on the edges of her vision as she struggled to suck air into her lungs. It was like someone had her chest in a vice and was squeezing. She needs to run. She needs to get back to Chloe and stay there. She can’t. She’ll hate her forever. Hate hate hate. Her mind conjures pictures of Chloe yelling and screaming at her. She abandoned her. It’s been a week and she hasn’t called. She can’t think of anything to say. Nothing is good enough. Her vision is a tiny cone in the blackness.

_ “Come on Max, breath. Remember what they taught you? Slow in and out, come on, I’ll do it with you. Iiiiiiin, ouuuuuuut. Iiiiiiiin, ouuuuuut.” _ Her words come back. They’d done it so many times after the doctor told her she was having panic attacks. Every time Chloe caught her, she dropped everything to help. She fights to hold onto that voice, her Captain’s commands.  _ Iiiiiiin, ouuuuuuuut. Iiiiiiiin, ouuuuuuuut. _

She claws more and more air back into her lungs. Her vision starts to go back to normal and her muscles loosen as she gets more and more in. She tries to imagine Chloe’s arms around her, holding her tight. How she smells, the whisper of her words in her ear. It’s hard but she can still do it. Her heart rate slowly ratchets down and she can think again. She falls back onto her bed, exhaustion creeping in.  _ Holy crap, that’s what, three today? I’ve had so many in the week since we’ve been here. _ She longs to even hear Chloe’s voice again. The sucking void in her life where that pirate queen used to be threatening to swallow her up at every moment.  _ I wonder if I have enough money to just run away and live with Chloe? _ She winces, her mind filling with all the angry shouting from her parents and Joyce, the angry rejection from Chloe for not even bothering to call. But what words could she possibly say to her? Nothing could be good enough; she needs something so spectacular and perfect

Her hand drifts up to her lips again and she gently rubs them. Conjuring up that precious memory again, for one all too brief moment she really was in heaven. Now she’s in her own personal hell.  _ So is Chloe. Oh my poor captain. I abandoned your ship when you needed me most. I’m so so sorry. I can never make this up to you. _ Her breath starts hitching again and she struggles to settle back into her deep breathing. She can at least head this one off before it starts.

There’s a gentle knock on the door. Her dad’s voice drifts through. “Max, sweetie? Did you hear me?”

Talking is hard while she keeps up her breathing, but she does her best. “N-no… S-sorry pops.”

His head pops in through the door, big kind eyes filled with concern. “Oh sweetie, why are you crying?”

_ Crying? _ She touches her face and sure enough her fingers come back damp.  _ Oh. _ “I-I-I… C-Chloe…”

Within a moment he’s with her, big strong arms hauling her into his lap and holding her tight. She curls up in his lap, her head resting against his barrel chest as she sobs and sobs. She’d never imagine she could miss anyone this much, but losing Chloe, Joyce and William was like she’d lost the better half of her life. Nothing can ever replace it; nothing can fill it. She could have all the friends in the world but it wouldn’t matter because none of them were  _ her. _ Her dad holds her tight, and then her mom is there, her arms and weight adding to the mix as Max’s entire body shakes with the force of it. This is the sixth time in three days she’s ended up like this, she doesn’t know if it’ll ever stop. Or if she even wants it to. If it stops, does that mean she forgot Chloe? Betrayed her one final time? She can’t. She can’t forget her first kiss. How perfect it was. How perfect Chloe was. She’d spent that last day leaving so much unsaid until it was too late and Chloe’s entire world was torn apart in an instant. Even with all the words and all the time in the world nothing she can say would be good enough for her captain.

She tries to hold onto that sensation again, that kiss and it slowly starts bringing her back down to earth. Her sobs entually quiet and she slumps into her dad’s lap, her breathing heavy while he rocks. Her mom’s gentle voice comes from behind her. “I’ll be right back.”

“S-s-sorry pops…”

Her dad keeps rocking her, cradling her close. “Shhhhh, it’s okay. We know it’s hard, if we’d known we would have made other plans. This isn’t your fault.”

She buries her face in his chest, trying to use his smell to calm herself down. It doesn’t work. It’s not right. It’s not Chloe. She struggles to not sob again. “I-It-It f-feels li-like it is.”

“We’re so sorry Max, we wish we could have stayed.”

She wants to scream. She’s consumed by the urge to hit and kick and yell that NO THEY DON’T.  _ If you really meant that, WE WOULD HAVE STAYED! _ She has to fight to keep those words from coming out of her lips. She just sags deeper into his arms, a ragged sob coming out instead. He holds her tighter. It’s still not right, not what she needs.

Her mom’s footsteps come back into the room, she can hear numbers being punched into the phone. She knows the tones by heart. The Price’s number. Her breath starts hitching again and she does her exercises. “Why don’t you talk to her Max? I’m sure a little hello will go a long way.”

“B-but wh-what i-if t-that’s not g-good enough? W-what i-if s-s-she hates m-me?”

Vanessa kneels next to her, phone outstretched. Her dad lets go of her a bit and presses the receiver into her hand. “She won’t. Just hearing your voice will mean the world to her.”

She slides out of her dad’s lap, staring mutely at the numbers punched into the phone as she’s left alone in the room again. Max knows that calling her is the right thing to do. That if Chloe hates her for leaving at all then she deserves to taste that anger. She deserves the pain of being berated for taking so long to say a single word over the phone. Her fingers touch her lips again and she transports herself to that magical moment when they met. If Chloe doesn’t hate her…

She hits the call button and waits as it rings.

It doesn’t take long to hear a voice on the other line. “Hello?”

It’s Joyce, her once strong, stern southern tones sound stressed. Her heart aches and she wants to hug her so bad. “H-hey Joyce. I-It’s M-Max. C-Can I ta-talk to Chloe?”

“Oh Max! I’m so glad you called, it’s so wonderful to hear your voice again,” like that the woman she knew is back, so full of life. “I’ll get you Chloe, hang on.”

She can hear the thump thump thump of Joyce climbing in a run up the stairs. She can practically feel the boards under her feet, her hand brushing against the wall. She hears the knock on the door and Joyce calling in. “CHLOE! PHONE!”

It takes a few moments but she can hear the door creak open, the handset passes off and the door closes again. Chloe used to slam the door with her enthusiasm, but now it’s all gentle and quiet. She hears shuffling and her voice. It’s cracked and hoarse like she’d been in the middle of crying. To be fair, so had Max. “H-hello?”

“H-hey Chloe.”

“MAX?! HOLY SHIT!”

And there’s the girl she’d shared that kiss with, if only for a moment. “Y-Yeah, i-it’s me. S-Sorry for taking so long. They t-took a w-while to ge-get the ph-phone up.”

“Max, you gotta breathe, remember? Iiiiiiiin, ouuuuuuut.”

She hadn’t noticed the tightness in her chest. She sniffs as she wipes her arm across her face before breathing in time with her captain’s commands. “S-sorry. I… I thought you’d hate me for n-not calling sooner.”

“D-Dude, it’s okay. I’m just so so happy to hear you right now… I missed you.”

The bowling ball of anxiety in her gut evaporates in an instant. “I-I’m so happy to hear you too.”

“H-how’s the big city?”

She lets out a soft giggle, giddiness slowly replacing all her worries. As if her captain would abandon her. They were friends for life. “I-It really sucks. There’s no pirates anywhere.”

“Heh… Yeah, there aren’t any awesome pirates left around here either.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back by popular demand! Thank you so much to all my commenters and the people who gave me kudos, you give me life!
> 
> There isn't going to be a set update schedule for this, it'll update as I do chapters but there is a plan here!
> 
> And extra special thanks to Olga and Bluekip for putting up with my sleep deprivation to help make this readable.


	3. On the Line

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Max and Chloe play phone tag.

“H-Hello?”

“Max! It’s so good to hear from you again. I’ll go get Chloe.”

“T-thanks Joyce.”

“Hey Max.”

“H-Hey Chloe. How are you?”

“… I miss you. Everything really really sucks.”

“Y-yeah… Everything sucks here too.”

“What’s… What’s your new place like? You didn’t say anything about it.”

“It’s… bigger.”

“Isn’t bigger good?”

“N-not really. L-like… My room is too big.”

“Your room is too big? Like my room big or?”

“N-no, it’s smaller… but your room was just right for us. This is too big for just me.”

“… Doesn’t feel safe?”

“… Yeah. And all… our stuff is still in boxes… I miss you.”

“I already said that… goop.”

“Heh, then you’re the goop.”

“I am not the goop!”

“You said it first!”

“Yeah, SO?!”

“So that makes  _ you _ the goop!”

The line dissolves into laughter for a few precious moments.

“So… When do you think you can come visit?”

“I-I’ll have to ask my parents. I hope it’s soon.”

“Same, then I can make you admit that you’re a goop!”

“Chloeeee!”

“Finnnnne, you’re just a dork.”

“An  _ awesome pirate  _ dork, thank you very much!”

“Y-Yeah…”

“O-Oh crap, Pops is calling, I gotta go. I’ll call you tomorrow?”

“You’d better.”

…

“Hello? Joyce?”

“Oh! Hello Ryan! How are you and Vanessa doing?”

“We’re doing fine. Listen, is Chloe around? Max really needs her.”

“Oh, yes! Let me go grab her.”

“Thanks.”

“H-hello? Mr. Caulfield?”

“Hey Chloe, do you think you can talk to Max?”

“W-What’s wrong?”

“She’s having an attack; she keeps asking for you.”

“Sure… Put me on.”

The line goes quiet, before it’s filled with unintelligible sobbing and short, sharp breathing.

“Max?”

“C-Chloe!”

“Shhhhhh, hey, I’m here Max. I’m here.”

“I’m – I’m s-sorry!”

“It’s okay Max, it’s okay. You gotta breathe.”

“B-But-“

“No buts! Captain’s orders! Come on, Iiiiiiiiiiin, ouuuuuuut.”

The line is filled with the sounds of heavy breathing and choked sobs.

“… Thanks…”

“What happened?”

“I… I was so wrapped up in unpackaging I forgot to call you on time.”

“… I hadn’t even noticed. I’m… not doing a good job of tracking time right now… Or like, anything.”

“I-I’m so sorry… You sh-shouldn’t have – have to take care of m-me right now…”

“It’s cool Max, it’s… good to just talk with you. It doesn’t matter if you’re late or something, I can just call you or something.”

“Yeah but…”

“… Yeah, everything sucks over here. I wish you were here, Mom’s like… a robot.”

“But I’m a mess…”

“Yeah, but I can actually, like, talk to you and help you get better…”

“… So, who’s the goop now?”

“OH! You little brat! I am so going to kick your butt for that!”

The line is filled with laughter.

“I hope I can come back and visit soon. I asked Pop and he said he’ll get back to me about it.”

“He’d better. It’s lonely being a Captain without her First Mate!”

There’s the sounds of shuffling and a heavy thump.

“What was that?! Are you okay Max!”

“Y-Yeah… I made a… box fort to hide in until we’re done unpacking. I think I knocked over some clothes.”

“Better just be clothes!”

“Don’t worry… I already unpacked all our stuff.”

“… I hope it all made it okay.”

“Yeah! I was extra careful packing everything. Even all the photos are okay!”

“Awesome! Gotta take care of those Caulfield originals.”

“S-stop…”

“No way! You’re gonna be all famous and shit, Max!”

“Nu-huh! You’re totally gonna get a Nobel in chemistry or something, way more famous.”

“… I don’t know anymore. I like… I haven’t gone to class since....”

“O-Oh…”

“I… I don’t want to say it.”

“You don’t have to.”

“I-It’s like I think he’ll just… Show up or something if I d-don’t…”

The line floods with ugly sobbing.

“C-Chloe! Shhhh! I-I’m here!”

“I MISS HIM SO MUCH!”

“I miss him too!”

“IT’S NOT FAIR!”

The sobbing suddenly gets distant.

“Chloe! … Chloe? Chloe are you there? C-Can you hear me?”

There’s a scuffling on the line.

“S-sorry Max! I… I dropped the phone on the bed…”

“I-It’s okay!”

“I just… Every time I think about him that happens.”

“I… Yeah, I cry about him a lot too.”

“He… was kind of both of our dad…”

“Y-yeah, he really was…”

“Shit, Joyce is calling me for dinner. I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”

“Y-yeah.”

…

“Hello?”

“Oh, hi Chloe!”

“Hey Mrs. Caulfield, can I talk to Max?”

“Yeah! She’s just unpacking her school supplies. I’ll go get her.”

Muffled thumps fill the line, then a brief shuffle.

“Hey Chloe!”

“Hey Max.”

“How are you?”

“I’m… They’re making me go back to school on Monday.”

“… Oh…”

“How about you? You doing okay?”

“Yeah… Today’s been a good day. Are you… not ready to go back to school?”

“… I don’t know. I don’t feel like doing anything.”

“… Yeah…”

“What about you? When are you going back?”

“A-also Monday…”

“Scared?”

“Y-yeah…”

“Well you still have my number. If something bad happens, you can call me.”

“B-but what if you’re in class?”

“Don’t care.”

“C-Chloe…”

“I don’t even want to be there, so I don’t care.”

“I… Sorry, you shouldn’t have to…”

“I want to. I mean it.”

“B-But why?”

“I… I was worried you weren’t going to call… That I’d messed everything up…”

“No! I… I was just really scared that I’d messed everything up!”

“Guess we were both worried about nothing…”

“… Guess so.”

“Pirates for life, yo.”

“Pirates for life.”

“I’ll come back; I promise!”

“You’d better!”

“I’m gonna! I’ll like… hitchhike or something if I need to.”

“That would be so badass! Totally a real adventure!”

“Y-Yeah…”

“I miss our adventures…”

“Same…”

“But you’ve got a new city to explore! You’ve totally gotta send me all the pictures you’re taking of Seattle.”

There’s silence on the line.

“Max?”

“… I haven’t been.”

“What? Why not?”

“It just… doesn’t feel right.”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t… I just… They don’t come out right. None of them do. It’s all wrong.”

“Hey, you’ll get back into it.”

“What if I don’t? What if I can’t do it anymore?”

“You can and you will.”

“It’s just… Not the same.”

“You’ll figure it out dude, plus I wanna see what Seattle is like!”

“… You could come visit.”

“I… already asked, mom says she can’t take any time off for a while.”

“O-oh…”

“But when I can drive, I’ll totally come visit! I’m getting sick of Arcadia.”

“W-what?”

“… It’s shitty. Everything reminds me of dad.”

“S-sorry.”

There’s the sound of gentle crying on both ends of the line.

“… I-Is that why you stopped? It reminds you of dad?”

“Y-yeah…. It just feels wrong without him.”

“I know what you mean... I have a hard time eating with mom now…”

“… I’m sorry…”

“… Thanks… It wasn’t your fault…”

“I’m still sorry…”

“… Thanks for being here, I don’t want to think about what it’d be like without you.”

“Same.”

“… Mom is yelling about dinner. I’ll talk with you tomorrow?”

“… Okay, I’ll try and take some photos tomorrow… I’ll like, mail them to you or something.”

“Awesome.”

…

“Hello?”

“Hey Max!”

“Hey Chloe!”

“So, you remembered you can call my cellphone.”

“I… Don’t want to eat up your minutes.”

“Don’t worry about it, I don’t think incoming calls count anyways.”

“I hope not.”

“How are you doing?”

“I’m having a good day, I finished unpacking my things.”

“Awh yeah! You’ll have to take some pics of your room!”

“I’ll try… How are you doing?”

“Just… trying not to think about things.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, hearing from you really helps.”

There’s some shuffling on the line, the sound of something scraping drifts over.

“Something up Max?”

“Y-yeah. Just taking down my fort…”

“I mean, you could have called after that.”

“I… I wanted to hear you while I do this.”

“New place is scary?”

“… Yeah. I miss how cozy my old room was.”

“Sounds like you’ll have to cozy it up then.”

“B-but my parents said to take down my fort, it wasn’t safe.”

“So, make your closet into a fort!”

“O-oh…”

“Yeah, then when I come visit you’ve got a nice cozy place we can watch movies in!”

“T-that sounds nice…”

“Yeah…”

There’s more shuffling and a light thump.

“That’s it, no more fort Max.”

“… When you visit, we’ll have to go visit our old fort.”

“Y-yeah! I just… Hope it doesn’t remind you too much…”

Gentle sobbing comes through the speaker.

“S-shit… Sorry Max.”

“It’s okay! I’m sorry for saying it…”

“It’s fine… Did you take any pictures today?”

“… I tried. They… look really bad…”

“So, what us mere mortals take?”

“N-no!”

“Send them to me anyways, I wanna see ‘em.”

“… O-okay…”

“Take some of your new room too, I wanna see it!”

“… What if I want to keep it a surprise for when you visit?”

“You little brat!”

“Maybe when I visit, I’ll just have to bring you back with me!”

“… Please, I… I really need to get out of here…”

“I wish we could have brought you with us…”

“Yeah, same…”

“M-maybe when we graduate, we can still go to the same school…”

“That would be pretty awesome.”

“Y-yeah! And we’ll like, totally have each other’s backs…”

“Yeah, I’ll scare off all the creeps so no shitty boys try to date you.”

The line lapses into uncomfortable silence.

“… What if… I…”

More silence.

“Yeah?”

“Ummmm…”

“Is… Did I mess up?”

“What? No! Nonono! I just…”

“You just?”

“I… don’t know.”

“Maaaaaax.”

“Did you mean it?”

“Mean what?”

“… In the closet.”

“… Yeah. Do… Do you regret it?”

“… No. D-does that m-mean we’re…”

“Like… gay?”

“Y-yeah…”

“I… I don’t really know. Like… maybe?”

“… I guess…”

“What… What does this make us?”

“I… don’t know. If I was still there…”

“We’ll… When we go to college together, we can try it?”

“It?”

“D-dating… I mean.”

“… Yeah…”

“A-and you’ll always be my First Mate!”

“You’ll always be my Captain, Chloe.”

“Hell yeah, Bluebeard and Long Max Silver are gonna take on the world.”

There’s more silence.

“Max?”

“W-what if you find someone else before then?”

“Pfft, as if. There’s only one Max Caulfield.”

“… O-okay. Dad’s calling me down for dinner.”

“S-see ya.”

“Bye…”

…

“Hi Chloe!”

“… Hey.”

“A-are you okay?”

“… I don’t know.”

“Wh-what do you mean?”

“I… I don’t feel much of anything. Like I used to be super sad or super angry unless you called.”

“But now?”

“Now there’s like… nothing…”

“O-oh?”

“Does… that make me a shitty daughter? For not feeling anything?”

“What? N-no!”

“I just… I feel so empty.”

“I’m so sorry Chloe…”

“I feel so tired today, I slept until like… One, I think? I haven’t gotten out of bed today. I dunno how Mom expects me to go to school tomorrow.”

“Y-yeah… I-I’m not excited to be going tomorrow either.”

“… You can always call me. I don’t care what any shitty teacher is going to say.”

“Y-yeah… I’ll t-try texting you first, see if that helps.”

“Any time. How… are you doing today?”

“I’m… I haven’t had any attacks today.”

“That’s… good.”

“… Should we tell our parents?”

“About?”

“… The closet.”

“What? No! I don’t… I don’t think mom could handle that right now…”

“I’m… I’m kind of scared about what my parents will say.”

“Your parents? Really? They’re totally cool!”

“B-but what i-if…”

“If they’re assholes I’m coming up there and kicking their asses.”

“T-thanks…”

“Scared about school tomorrow?”

“I-I’m  _ terrified. _ ”

“You’ll be okay Max. I’m just a phone call away. And no buts about me being in class. I know it all already, I’ll be fine. How many times am I gonna have to say it?”

“O-okay…”

“Besides… You calling helps. So I let me return the favour, yeah?”

“R-really?”

“Yeah… I don’t feel  _ as _ shitty. When we’re done, I’ll like… have a shower or something, I think I need one.”

“Oh god! Chlooooe!”

“Hey! You haven’t even smelt me.”

“Blegh, and we say  _ boys _ are gross.”

“They  _ are _ gross. They smell after like, a couple hours.”

“And how long have you not showered?”

“… I don’t really remember. I think before the…”

There’s some quiet sobbing on the line.

“I-It’s okay Chloe, you’ll have one tonight and you’ll feel better.”

“I hope so…”

“Have you talked to Joyce about how you’re doing?”

“I can’t! I can barely get three words out of her.”

“She must have it pretty rough too…”

“I… I can hear her crying most nights Max, and she’s sleeping on the couch right now. She doesn’t think I know but I’ve seen her.”

“I feel so awful not being there for you… Like everything I say is so lame.”

“Hey, no. Just hearing you is good enough for now…”

“And what if it stops being good enough?”

“Then… You’ll just have to come visit!”

“I-I’d love to, but I can’t get a straight answer out of my parents right now. They just keep saying that things are complicated right now.”

“God, they need to stop babying you.”

“Yeah, I can understand what’s going on. I hear them talking when they think I’m not listening and it sounds like they’re both crazy busy…”

“W-we’ll figure something out. Everyone gets time off at Christmas, right?”

“I-I’ll ask.”

“Worst case I’ll just have to come up there and kidnap you or something.”

“Oh god, please don’t.”

“Relaaaaax. I’m mostly joking.”

“ _ Mostly _ .”

“Well yeah, gotta have my best friend here for Christmas, right?”

“… I’ll do my best, I promise.”

“I know you will… I should probably go have that shower.”

“That’s probably a good idea.”

“Remember, if you have trouble just call me.”

“I-I will, I promise.”

“Good. Talk with you tomorrow.”

“Okay… Bye.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a pretty huge experiment for me and I got a minor concussion on Thursday, so I hope it turned out alright. Let me know in the comments!
> 
> A huge thanks to Olga, Bluekip and Kay for betaing this.


	4. First Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chloe goes back to school.

Chloe’s whole body screams at her to go home. She doesn’t belong here. From the moment she gets on the bus everyone goes all weird and quiet. In the halls everyone talks in hushed whispers around her. Nobody is making any eye contact, they’re all just shuffling away like she’s a freak just because… She leans into her locker, eyes closed as she fights to not cry. _Max has got to have it way, way, worse than me. At least the kids aren’t being mean about it, they’re just… being weird. Everyone bullies the new kid._ Her hand grips the locker door tight as she tries to not imagine what Max would be going through as she was stood in front of the class. Would she go full non-verbal? A stuttering mess?

She pulls out her phone and stares at it, seconds stretching into eons as she waits for a call. The bell rings. _Please be okay Max. One of us needs to be._ She shuffles towards her class, mostly dragged along by the currents in the crowds. The first class used to be her favorite. Chemistry with Ms. Grant. She doesn’t feel anything for it anymore. She knows pretty much everything there is to know about the semester, so why even bother being there?

Because Wells is an asshat who said she needs to be attending classes, that’s why. She stares at the open door, wondering just how bad it would really be if she walked away and waited outside for Max to call. Helping Max is automatic, it’s just what she does and it helps keep her grounded. The one good thing she can do. Ms. Grant’s head swivels up from her desk and she waves at Chloe. _…Fuck, no escape now._ She continues her slow shuffle into the classroom as Ms. Grant gets up from her desk and walks over to her. Her head turns and she sees that most of the class is already at the benches, watching with curious expressions. _I’m the class fucking freak._ “Chloe! It’s so good to have you back.”

“Uh, thanks?”

 _How is she so fucking cheerful? It’s insane how she’s always happy_. “Is there anything I can do for you? I know my favorite student doesn’t need to catch up.”

“You could… send me home?”

Ms. Grant’s smile wavers for a moment. “I’m sorry, I can’t do that. Why don’t you have a seat in the back and just relax?”

“Sure, fine.”

With the unwelcome pleasantries done with, she finds herself sitting at her usual bench in the back. _Finally, peace and quiet._ She slips her phone out of her pocket. Still nothing. She sighs and stuffs it back in her pocket before making the token act of taking her notebook and pencils out.

Her little slice of silence before the lecture is interrupted as the stool next to her was dragged back and another body occupied it. “Hey Chloe!”

“… Hi Eliot.”

She keeps her head focused forwards as he starts setting his own notebooks on the desk. _God, he must be super oblivious if he doesn’t see how much I don’t fucking want to people right now… He’d better not start asking about what happened._ “How are you holding up?”

 _And there it is._ “Fine.”

“I’m really sorry about what happened.”

 _Leave me the fuck alone._ “’s not like you called or anything.”

She hears him shuffling next to her, but she still doesn’t look at him. “I’m sorry about that too, I just… didn’t know what to say.”

“How about a ‘gee, I’m sorry your dad is fucking dead and your best friend moved away’?”

She hears him sucking in breath next to her. _Shit, I don’t think I told him about Max._ “Your best friend?”

She shrugs and flips open her notebook, pencil tapping on the page. “Max.”

“Who’s he?”

“ _She_ ’s my best friend since I was like six.”

“Oh, sorry. Did she go to Blackwell?”

“Nah, she’s a year below us.”

“Ahhhh, where did she move to?”

She starts idly sketching out Max’s face from memory. “Fucking Seattle.”

“Wow, that’s shitty.”

Chloe shrugs as she pencils in those big doe eyes. “Wasn’t her choice, I’m more surprised she actually called me.”

“Oh… What’d she say?”

There’s that cute little pony tail. “That… Why are you asking about her?”

“Just never heard you mention her before, that’s all.”

She gently scoffs as she dots in those way too cute freckles. “So, what, you thought you were my best friend?”

“Kinda? You don’t exactly have a lot of friends.”

She can’t roll her eyes hard enough. “Thanks dude. I… never really needed many friends with her around.”

“And now?”

She starts cleaning up some of the sketchier line work. “Now we’re long distance friends. I can’t be there for her like I used to be. But it’s something.”

“You have to be there for her a lot?”

 _Oh my god, can you fucking stop talking?_ She pulls out a pen and starts inking over the pencil. “What the hell do you care for?”

“Just looking out for my friend.”

She has to pause a moment to digest his words, but she still doesn’t look at him, quietly hoping he’ll just fucking go already. “Why would I need you to look out for me?”

“Just… I’m worried someone might try and take advantage of you like this.”

Her knuckles go white around the pen and she has to stop her inking. _Okay. Officially done with him now._ “And you think _Max_ is taking advantage of me?”

“Well… You did say you can’t be there like you used to.”

“Oh my god dude. She has fucking panic attacks. Talking to me helps her come down from them.”

“Is that really fair to you?”

She takes a moment to breath so she doesn’t slug him right then and there. She almost does it anyways. “Shut. Up.”

“Okay, okay. Sorry.”

She finally turns to face him; he at least _looks_ sorry. “You ever talk shit about Max and I’ll break your fucking face.”

He winces, hands held up in surrender as the second bell rings and Ms. Grant launches into her lecture. Eliot pays attention while she really doesn’t. She just keeps doodling. More Max at first, but slowly things get more morbid. Skulls, depictions of death. She just loses herself in the art until the bell rings again and class ends. She slips out her phone again, still nothing.

Math class is the same story, at least this time Eliot is quiet as she starts stenciling out designs. Death is a constant now, interspersed with more images of Max. She doesn’t care if he glances over and sees it, she keeps on doodling instead of paying attention. It’s just algebra anyways. She’s weeks ahead of this shit. And she can’t pay attention if she tries, the words just won’t stick in her brain. Her phone stays silent for the entire class and into lunch. She sits in the cafeteria, the bland, tasteless food somehow tasting even _more_ bland than normal while her foot bounces up and down like a jackhammer.

“Chloe, what’s going on? You’re like, crazy agitated.”

“Haven’t heard anything from Max.”

Eliot sighs and buries his head in his hands. “Maybe she’s fine and just busy in school?”

“There’s no way. She’s on her own in a new school. She’s going to get picked on and have an attack, that’s fucking guaranteed.”

“Isn’t that what they have a school nurse for? She isn’t your problem.”

She has to bite down on her lip to keep from stabbing him with her plastic fork. “She’s not my _problem_ , she’s my _friend_.”

“Fine, fine. Just… chill out, okay?”

She sighs and pulls out her phone. “I’ll text her, see what’s up.”

**[Chloe** **|12:24pm]**

**everything okay max?**

She stares at the screen, willing a reply to exist. Nothing comes. After long minutes she shoves it back into her pocket and keeps eating. _Not a fan of the fucking silent treatment Max._ She does her best not to notice the really weird look Eliot is giving her while she stuffs the soggy club sandwich into her face.

American History at least gives her a reprieve from him. Her phone stays completely silent as she doodles her macabre images. _Damn, that skull with flowers would make for a badass tattoo…_ She doodles another Max face, trying to imagine her all grown up. _Hmmmm, I wonder what she’d look like with a pixie cut?_

She idly checks her phone again. Nothing. _Okay this is really fucking weird… Is she pissed at me or something? … Oh god, what if she thinks I’m babying her? Fuck._ She takes a deep breath and tries to pay attention, to push the thoughts down. The words are as dull and grey as the classroom and while she can hear them, she can’t listen. She sighs and stares at her phone some more, her mind trying to tease out a reason for Max not saying anything. _Shit, is she all weirded out because I pushed her to talk about the kiss? Or is she mad at me for thinking she can’t survive a day in school without me? She was doing okay when I started here… Or what if she fainted and hit her head or something._ Her leg starts bouncing again as she tries to doodle some more thoughts out her head. More skulls and dead people. Part of her wants to try drawing her dad, but even thinking about it makes her eyes start to water so she just keeps going. She barely notices that the bell has run until everyone is getting up and out of their seats. She checks her phone one more time before heading off to Life Drawing, her one artsy class. _Just please be okay Max._

At least in Life Drawing she’s kept busy; the teacher is keeping an eye on her work so she can’t just doodle the whole time. She actually tries and draws the random crap they’re supposed to draw. A bowl of fruit, a silver teapot. None of it is coming out right, the shadows are way too deep, her lines are super heavy. _Fuck this._ She leans into it, deliberately emphasizing the dark areas. The teacher notices. “Venting through your art, Chloe?”

“… Something like that Ms. St Claire.”

She hears a sigh behind her. “I suppose it can’t be helped.”

“Noooope.”

“Well, your work thus far has been exemplary. Express yourself.”

“Uhuh.”

She goes back to her earlier doodling now that her assignment for the class is done, trying to keep it mostly focused on Max so the teacher doesn’t send her to Well’s office. She checks her phone, again and again. Nothing. _What the fuck Max? Did you forget to charge your phone or something?_ She bites on her lip as she tries to keep the questions about Max hating her over something she did at bay. _There’s gotta be a reason. Maybe Max is actually having a good day? ... What if she doesn’t need me anymore? She’ll find new friends and she’ll just… move on without me._

The end of day bell jars her from her thoughts and she shuffles off towards her locker, grabs her coat and then shuffles off to catch the bus. She manages to get a seat by herself, everyone is still avoiding looking at her. _Guess nobody wants to talk to the weird girl with the dead dad._ _At least I have the seat to my- oh god dammit._ Eliot climbs onto the bus, his face locking onto hers and a smile appearing. She tries to not roll her eyes too hard as he makes a beeline for the spot next to her. “Hey Chloe, how was your afternoon?”

“It went.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you doing okay?”

“I’m fine.”

“Something’s bugging you.”

The urge to throw him out the back of the now moving bus grows. “No shit.”

“What’s on your mind?”

 _Uuuuuugh, shut the fuck up!_ “Do you want the dead dad or the best friend in Seattle?”

“… Is she giving you trouble?”

“No! What the fuck Eliot?”

“You were talking about her earlier, so…”

She sighs, pulling out her phone to check again. “I haven’t heard anything from her today. I’m just worried.”

“Are you really in any condition to be worrying about someone?”

“Hey fuck you! She’s my friend. Of course I’m going to worry about her.”

“And what about your friends who are worried about you?”

“What makes you think she isn’t worried about me?”

“You have other friends too.”

“She’s the only one who fucking called me.”

“I said I’m sorry about that.”

“Yeah. I’m going to listen to music now.”

She puts in her earbuds to block out his insane yammering and queues up some music. Nothing really works, it’s all too happy and airy. She’d been blocking out her usual music lately, getting into some of the more punk stuff. Finally her shuffle lands on Green Day and she quietly groves along to Jesus of Suburbia, staring out the window so she doesn’t have to look at Eliot’s stupid face.

Eliot’s stop is about halfway through the route, so before long she’s at least rid of his dumb comments. She starts checking her phone again once he’s gone. Still nothing. She sighs and presses her forehead into the window. _Come on Max, what the hell?_

She’s not the last stop for the bus, but she’s close. She slowly walks down the block, staring at her phone. It starts ringing.

“Max?!”

“I-I’MSOSORRY!”

“It’s okay Max! It’s fine!”

“T-the teacher t-took my – my phone…”

“What the fuck?!”

“She… She t-tried to ge-get me to t-talk to the class…”

“And you started having an attack and tried to call?”

“Y-yeah, I-I… I ran ou-out and tried to…”

“And the bitch took your phone away.”

“Y-yeah…”

“Max, are you having an attack right now?”

“I-I thought you-you’d be mad…”

“I’m not, I was just worried. Take some breaths okay?”

She listens to Max breathing on the other end of the line, her arms aching to hold her close.

“T-thanks…”

“I’m not mad at you, okay?”

“O-okay… I would have called sooner, but my parents wanted to talk to the principal about it.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah, I can call you whenever now…”

“Talk when you get home?”

“Y-yeah.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The baby gays continue! Big thanks to Olga and Blue for editing.
> 
> Hope you all enjoy, let me know in the comments.


	5. New Girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being the new girl at school is tough.

Max gently rocks in her seat in class. Her parents had gotten the seating changed so she could sit in the back where she couldn’t feel everyone’s eyes burning through her back and she could text Chloe without disrupting anyone. She glances at her phone as the teacher drones on about the Civil War, she’d fought hard to keep Max from having her phone so she’d pay attention. Max had spent the past week trying to prove that she could focus with it on her. So, she tried to work through the burning in her throat and the tightness in her chest to struggle to listen to the meandering speech about Gettysburg. _At least in class everyone has to leave me alone…_

She grips her desk and tries to steady herself, she’s in class, they can’t try anything. Not like in the hall after that first day. She’d already been dubbed Mouse by her classmates, and it didn’t seem like they were going to give up calling her that. _Guess I’m mouse Max now…_ Her mind flashed back to how angry Chloe had been at how they were treating her. She’d tried to be gentle and reassuring, but the bitten back rage had been palpable. _I bet if she could come here, she’d get into so many fights…_ She fights the urge to touch her lips again and conjure that brilliant face of hers.

**[Max|10:03AM]**

**Hey Chloe.**

**[Chloe|10:04AM]**

**sup?**

**[Max|10:05AM]**

**Having a tough time in class, just want to chat.**

**[Chloe|10:06AM]**

**oh sure**

**what do you wanna talk about?**

**[Max|10:07AM]**

**What are you doing in class?**

**[Chloe|10:08AM]**

**bored in chem mostly**   
**eliot won’t stop bugging me**

**[Max|10:09AM]**

**What is with that guy?**

**[Chloe|10:10AM]**

**no idea, he’s been extra pushy since i got back**

**[Max|10:12AM]**

**Pushy how?**

**[Chloe|10:13AM]**

**he keeps saying weird shit about how he’s my only real friend**

**and that you’re some kinda burden on me**

The phone trembles in Max’s hand. _He’s right. I am. All I do is weigh Chloe down, it’s all I ever do. She spends all her time having to be there for me instead of doing what she wants._ _All I am is a burden._ She shoves her phone into her pocket with a sigh and tries to turn her attention back to the lecture. It takes a few attempts as her throat burns and she has to fight from crying. When she does manage to get her eyes to focus again the teacher is glaring daggers, the boring eyes tearing her apart with their hatred. She swallows to try and clear the burning, doing her best to keep her breathing steady and her eyes from tearing up. _I’m so worthless, even Ms. Stepanov hates me._

She feels her phone vibrating in her pocket, but she doesn’t dare check it. The teacher doesn’t need any excuses to take her phone away, Individual Education Plan or not. She pretends to concentrate on the teacher, more details about Gettysburg. She can’t actually listen. She hears the words, but they just bounce off her brain as she pretends to write things down in her notebook. 

Her phone vibrates some more. She’d tapped the vibrate mode button over so it couldn’t accidentally flip. She needs to pay attention, to prove she should have a phone. _I could like, tell my parents what’s been happening at school… But I don’t want to burden more people. They’ve been so stressed out with Dad’s job and mom finding a job, they don’t need my problems. Nobody needs my problems._

Her phone buzzes and buzzes. The teacher moves on to talking about military maneuvers and casualties, her gaze moving from Max. She slips out her phone.

**[Chloe|10:14AM]**

**you're not btw, helping you helps me**

**it’s weird i know**

**and goopy**

**but like it’s nice to know that someone out there needs me and i can help them**

**especially if that someone is an awesome pirate**

**max?**

**you okay?**

**[Max|10:25AM]**

**Sorry, teacher was getting mad.**

**How can I not be a burden?**   
**You have to be there for me all the time and I can’t do anything for you**

_And you’ve got a dead dad… I’m just a weirdo..._

**[Chloe|10:27AM]**

**max, you can’t be a burden, helping you is seriously the only good thing i got rn**   
**so don’t think that**   
**cap’s orders, no thinking you’re a burden.**

**Also what a bitch**

**guess you gotta pay attention?**

**[Max|10:28AM]**

**Yeah, sorry**

**[Chloe|10:29AM]**

**all good, message at lunch I guess?**

**[Max|10:30AM]**

**Sounds good ^^**

**[Chloe|10:32AM]**

**NO EMJOI!!!!**

Max tucks away her phone again, somehow successfully avoiding the wrathful gaze of the teacher. She rocks back and forth, taking in a few deep breaths to steady herself. _Chloe told you you’re not a burden, so why can’t you believe it? Come on Max, Captain’s orders. Gotta stop thinking about that._ She shakes her head before trying and failing to listen to the teacher lecture about piles of dead people over a war that shouldn’t have needed to be fought. She can’t picture it, all she can think about is how Chloe said helping her was the only good thing she has. She holds onto that to try and anchor herself against the tide of self doubt.

It feels like an eternity before the lunch bell rings. Max’s biggest obstacle of the day looms ahead of her: make it to the cafeteria, get her lunch, and then get to the library so the nice librarian can let her eat in peace. It should be simple. But she spies Flint hovering by the door as the other students file out. Her hands start shaking, her throat burns again. Flint who had called her mouse and who had yelled in class over Max getting to keep her phone. Any fragile hope she had that he wasn’t out to make things miserable for her utterly collapse under the weight of his angry glare. She wipes her damp palms on her jeans and tries to keep her thoughts from spiraling out of control.

Her eyes dart around as her classmates slowly file out the room, each one a potential witness to help her for the inevitable confrontation. The teacher is busy talking with a classmate who’s name she can only half remember. Fern-something. _The sooner I get this over with, the sooner I can be in the library and texting with Chloe._ She takes a deep breath, packing her journal and books into her bag quickly and standing up. His eyes are still fixed on her. He’d hit an early growth spurt so he towers over the rest of the class. Max flicks her eyes down to the floor, her shoulders hunching forwards as she tries to make herself small and scurry to safety. _I really am a mouse._

She manages to get out through the door without incident, but she can feel the heat of his gaze the whole time. She starts sweating under its intensity as she keeps putting one foot in front of the other. _Just gotta get to the cafeteria fast, then the library, I’ll be safe there._ She makes it less than ten paces before a hand clamps over her shoulder and shoves her backwards into a locker. The breath is driven from her lungs and she squeezes her eyes shut as her back hits metal, the lock digging into her flesh. Flint holds her against the locker by her shoulders, his iron grip biting into bone. “Why the _fuck_ does a mouse like you get to keep her phone in class?”

She wants to explain things, she has an IEP, she needs her phone. But she can’t find the exact words she needs to tell him so he won’t get angrier. 

“WELL?!”

She opens her mouth to speak, but nothing comes out, she can’t breathe. Her chest is too tight, her throat closed. Her hand twitches to try and reach for her phone but she can’t risk that right in front of him. She opens her eyes, trying not to cry at his too close angry sneer. She can’t breathe! She needs to get away! She needs Chloe. She tries to twist in his grip but he won’t let her go. Darkness starts creeping into her vision. The sharp edges of the lock body dig into her back. She fixes her gaze on the opposite wall, there’s an anti-bullying poster. She sucks in short, sharp staccato breaths. “’s the matter _mouse_? Can’t talk?”

“Back off Flint.”

His head snaps around, teeth bared. Max’s head jerks around and she stares at the new speaker. He’s a stocky boy, features contorted into anger. _Oh thank god, help._ “Fuck off Fernando. Why does this bitch get her phone and we don’t?”

The blackness edges in further. She pushes to escape again, only for his hands to slam her back into the locker. “Maybe she needs it or something?”

“Bullshit!” His hands pull her forwards before slamming her back into the locker. Again and again to punctuate his words. _How can a teacher not hear this?!_ “What. Does. This. Bitch. Need. It. For.”

Her head aches, it feels like the inside of her nose is burning. _Is that blood I can taste?_ “Let her go!”

There’s shoving and the hands release her. She bolts for the library, lunch forgotten.

She needs to call Chloe.

Her vision is a narrow cone in patchy blackness as she stumbles along, bumping between classmates. She mutters her apologies as people shout after her. She can’t tell if she’s crying or not. She just needs to reach the library. She needs to call Chloe. She fights to breath in more, steadying herself against a wall. Concerned faces turn towards her and she’s off again. She needs to escape their eyes and their questions. She pauses again as she enters the hall to the library, sucking in more air to clear the darkness from the edges of her vision. It only sort of works. She _has_ to call Chloe. When she reaches the doors, the librarian takes one look at her and ushers her into the office. The old kindly face hovers before her, asking concerned questions she can’t hear. She pulls out her phone. It’s undamaged and she hits the dial button on Chloe’s contact. The librarian smiles knowingly and leaves her alone in the office.

“Max?”

“C-C-Chloe…”

“Oh shit,” there’s muffled sounds on the other end of the line. “Fuck off Eliot, it’s Max. Are you okay?”

She still can’t breathe; her knees are tucked up into her chest and her face is all damp. Her voice comes out in a tiny rasp. “N-no…”

“Breathe Max, like we always do. Innnnnnnn, ouuuuuut, innnnnnnn, ouuuuuuut.”

Max’s breathing slowly steadies into Chloe’s cadence and her vision starts coming back. She grabs tissues off the librarian’s desk and starts wiping her face. “T-thanks…”

“What happened Max?”

“F-Flint was mad because I-I get to have my phone…”

She can feel the anger seething through the speaking. “ _That. Asshole._ Fuck I wish I was there to beat his ass.”

 _Did Chloe used to swear this much?_ “I-It’s okay…”

“What did he do?”

“H-He pushed me up against a locker a-and started yelling.”

“Are the teachers there all blind and deaf or something?! How did you get out of there?”

“A… classmate helped. Fernando, I think…”

“Shit, I owe him some props. What happened after he helped?”

“I… I ran to the library.”

“And called me.”

“Yeah…”

“You feeling better?”

“A… little.”

“Did you grab lunch?”

Her hand clutching the phone shakes at the idea of leaving the tiny room. “N-no… I’m scared he’ll do it again.”

She hears Chloe sigh and some more shuffling. “Maybe ask the librarian to get you something to eat? You’re already tiny and skinny, you gotta eat.”

“Yeah, I’ll ask… Thanks Chloe.”

“Any time Max.”

“I-I’ll let you go…”

“I can keep talking if you want, I’ve got nothing to do.”

“You need to eat too.”

“Already did Munchy Max, I eat faster than you, remember?”

“Yeah, I’m surprised you don’t accidentally inhale your fork.”

“Hasn’t happened yet.”

“Maybe you should look up table manners at some point.”

“Ha! Fat chance. No stupid rules are going to get between me and _food_.”

“I… should talk to the librarian and eat. I’ll call you when I get home?”

“Or if you need anything.”

“Yeah, I’ll text you when I’ve got food.”

“Sounds good, I’ll chat with you later then.”

“Yeah… Bye.”

“See ya.”

Click.

She takes a deep breath and pokes her head out of the door to ask the librarian to get her lunch. The PA system chimes. “Maxine Caulfield, please report to the principal’s office.”

She sits in a hard-plastic chair in the main office, fidgeting while she waits to get called into the office. She’s already texted Chloe to try and calm her panic. Chloe said that she was probably going to get asked for her side of the story, and that she shouldn't be in trouble. _I hope not…_

“Maxine? The principal is ready to see you.”

With shaky breath she walks into the office, the stern face of Mrs. McHill directing her to a seat on the far side of the room. Fernando and Flint are both there. Her stomach sinks when she spots the black eye forming on Fernando’s face. Flint doesn’t even look at her. Thankfully the chair is on the opposite side of the room from him. She sinks into the uncomfortable plastic. “Glad you could join us Maxine.”

“Max, not Maxine.”

A ghost of a smile plays over Mrs. McHill’s face. “Okay Max, why don’t you tell us what happened? I got some of the story from Mr. Hooper, the librarian.”

Max freezes, her eyes darting to Flint. “D-Does he have to be here?”

The principal pauses for a moment, her steely gaze focusing on him. “No, I suppose not. Flint, please wait in the Vice Principal’s office until I call you.”  
  
Flint shoves out of his chair, nearly kicking it over in the process and stomps out of the room. Max sighs with relief and takes a few breaths before starting her story, doing her best to keep her voice from cracking when she reaches the confrontation and how Flint had pinned and slammed her against the locker. Mrs. McHill’s face hardens when she reaches that point. She ends her tale at getting to the library. She can’t let anyone know about Chloe, they’ll just start calling her new, worse names.

The principal takes a long deep breath before turning her gaze to Fernando. “Thank you, Max. I can see that one of you was telling the truth. While I appreciate you defending Max, Fernando, I can’t condone violence for any reason. You should have grabbed a teacher to help. You get two days of lunchtime detentions.”

Max wants to cry out that it’s not fair, that it’s not his fault, that he was just trying to help but a glance from the principal freezes her in place. “A moment if you will.”  
  
Max and Fernando share a nod as she stands and walks from the room, returning with Flint in tow. She gestures for him to sit before sitting down herself. “ _Mr_. Flint. Your behavior is totally unacceptable. You will be given a week of in school suspensions, and if this behavior continues so will the suspensions.”

Max flinches as she watches him ball up his fists. “That’s bullshit! Why the fuck does she get a phone when we don’t?!”

“You _will_ watch your language if you don’t want two weeks. Max’s reasons for having a phone are none of your business. I understand many students are frustrated about the board’s policies but they are to ensure your participation in class.”

She turns her attention to Max and Fernando. “You are both dismissed, please return to your class. Fernando, you are to be in the main office for lunch tomorrow.”

Max tentatively gets up out of her seat, careful to give Flint a wide berth as he gazes at her. The rage seething in his eyes makes her want to curl up in the librarian’s office again and cry. Then like that she’s out in the main office with Fernando, her breathing coming hard. “S-sorry, you got detention because of me…”

He shrugs, grinning from ear to ear. “It was totally worth it. I knocked him around pretty good before he got me.”

His attitude reminds her of Chloe and soon she’s smiling a little too. “T-thanks… Do you have any food? I didn’t get lunch.”

“Oh sure, I think Kristen always has some extra food in her bag, she’s in our class. I think you’ll like her.”

“O-oh. I’m Max by the way.”

His grin gets a bit more lopsided and he holds out his hand. “I’m Fernando, nice to actually meet you.”

She tentatively shakes it. “N-nice to meet you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To start dear readers, some news: That head injury I mentioned in one of my fics is definitely a concussion. That means a few things. Primarily, my writing quality will probably drop, I have fantastic beta readers who are helping me a lot, but they can only do so much. As a consequence, this fic may not update as quickly anymore as I try to take things slower to keep the quality up.
> 
> A huge thanks to [Eschi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/escherlat/pseuds/escherlat), Kay, [LtDax](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LtDax), [Blue](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bluekip) and Olga for betaing this. 
> 
> A thanks to you dear readers for 1k hits and nearly 100 kudos on top of oodles of wonderful comments, your enthusiasm has really helped me turn this little one shot into a large passion project.


	6. Grey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chloe's got a quiet Saturday to herself.

Chloe’s eyes begrudgingly open at the sound of her third alarm going off. The upbeat pop punk is more annoying than invigorating. Her eyes roam around her bedroom but don’t focus on anything. Nothing catches her attention, there’s no appeal to any of it. She grunts as she rolls out of bed, still in the clothes she came home from school in. The light streaming in from the windows is dim, grey and lifeless from the storm clouds outside. She pokes her head out and sees more grey, even the ocean looks dull between the white caps and the brewing clouds. She sighs and checks the time on her phone. 11:15AM.

She shuffles through the dunes of dirty laundry and trash, making her way downstairs. Saturday. Mom is at work, she’s all alone. Breakfast, she needs breakfast. She grabs milk, cereal and a bowl and combines it all together. She moves it to the table and sags into the chair.  _ Fuck, forgot a spoon… _ She looks around the table for a dirty one to reuse. No dice. With a grumble she extracts herself from the chair and drags herself over to get one, before plopping back down into the chair and consuming the cereal. It’s a sugary monstrosity from when she was little and craved such things. Almost definitely expired, if it can even expire. She doesn’t notice. It tastes like wood pulp.

Calories consumed, she dumps the bowl into the sink and stumbles back upstairs. She glances at the bathroom. In the back of her mind she knows she should shower and brush her teeth, but that’s an effort she doesn’t have the energy for. She checks her phone again. 11:33AM.  _ Max started therapy this morning, and then she’s going to go hang out with her new friends, so I probably won’t hear from her for a while. _ She sags against her door frame. She can’t shake the thought that between her new friends and therapy Max won’t need her anymore.  _ One day she’ll just stop calling and that’ll be that. _ She sits on the end of the bed, falling back and staring up at the ceiling. Random lyrics drift through her mind and stick fast.  _ Nobody likes you. Everyone left you. They’re all out without you, having fun. _

She tries to dismiss them but she can’t. Her scream echoes around the empty house and she springs out of bed.  _ This all such fucking bullshit! _ She grabs the nearest poster on her wall. Colours that were once bright and joyful now look insipid. She rips it free and moves on to the next, and the next. It’s all so stupid, so pointless, so  _ childish _ . Dad is dead, Max is gone. This isn’t her life anymore. It needs to go.

She crashes against the door with another scream, staring at the wreckage. All the posters laying shredded on the floor. Her eyes fix on her old height chart, another reminder of dad. She digs her sharpie off her cluttered desk and stalks forwards. She pops the cap and slashes the tip over the chart. With a sneer she starts scrawling profanity into the gaps on the chart. Suck it. Fuck All. Shit. She caps it off with ‘dad is gone’ and sinks to her knees, another scream ripping out from her lungs before she descends into choked sobs.  _ It’s all fucking bullshit! Why did I get left here all the fuck alone?! I can’t even go see Max for Christmas because mom couldn’t get the time off. _

She falls to her side and curls up as she gives herself over to the emotional eruption.  _ I’m going to spend Christmas eve alone. No dad, no mom, no Max. _ The thought of her first Christmas without William makes her scream again as she tugs her knees tighter to her chest. She has no idea how much time she spends there screaming and sobbing, even after the tears have stopped coming and she is just sitting there shaking, eyes puffy, throat burning and muscles aching. She struggles to catch her breath, staggering to her feet and stumbling to the bathroom. She runs cold water and splashes it over her face to get the puffiness out of her eyes. She pants as the water drips from her face before looking up and seeing herself in the mirror. She looks like shit, eyes sunken with dark circles, her cheeks gaunt because she barely has an appetite. And her  _ hair _ . Her long, blond hair. It’s so stupid and juvenile. She’d used to  _ want _ to look like this, because her dad liked it.

She rips the sink cabinets open and finds the scissors William used to cut her hair with. She grabs a lock of hair and tugs it out. Watching herself in the mirror, she closes the blades of the scissors. The sound is electrifying and she grabs more and more locks, cutting haphazardly with a mix of elation and fury. She  _ hates _ this hair. The stupid colour, the stupid length. It has to  _ go _ . She chops and chops until she’s left with an ugly mess of a bob cut, grinning at herself from ear to ear. Length gone; colour next. The old blue hair dye she and Max had grabbed is tempting, but she wants something that’ll keep people from paying her any attention.

The mid December chill cuts across her face as she skates down the street, her open jacket billowing out behind her. Her push offs are aggressive and she’s probably going faster than she should without a helmet, but she doesn’t care. Her gut tingles with the thrill of anticipation. She’s going to steal some hair dye. Her plan is fucking fool proof. She’s just going to walk in there like she owns the place, take it, buy a bottle of pop and leave. She’ll be on her board and out the door before anyone knows what hit them.

Besides, it’s just hair dye. Nobody is going to really care. Anyone who says they do is full of shit. She blows through an empty intersection and glides along to lose some speed before jumping the curb and rolling to the parking lot. She kicks her board up and tucks it under her arm before casually walking into the store. She stuffs her hands into her jacket pockets because they won’t stop shaking. The cashier smiles and nods, “Hey Chloe.”

“Hey.”

She knows his name, but can’t be bothered to remember it as she walks into the store. Chloe idly browsing this store is hardly a rare event and the staff basically ignore her as they help the other shoppers on this grey, dull Saturday. She meanders to the cosmetics aisle and grabs the hair dye: brown, nobody gives a fuck about brown hair. She quickly tucks it into her jacket so it’s covered by her board. Grabbing the pop is a matter of more meandering over, making it seem like she’s just killing time wandering the aisles. She finally makes it to the fridges, heaves the door open and grabs a cream soda before ambling over to the checkout. The bored teenager doesn’t even look her in the eye as he scans the pop, she plonks down the pair of dollar bills, gets some change she doesn’t bother counting and wanders back out. She has to contain herself until she’s skated a few blocks and turned a corner before she lets out a whoop of excitement. Her body is alive with electricity and adrenaline, the best she’s felt in weeks.  _ I just fucking stole some shit! Fuck yeah! Take that bitches! _

The ride back to the house is a complete blur, she’s too excited. Her body is utterly electrified and the world actually feels alive again! She can see the greens in the grass and the blue hues mixed into the swirling grey clouds. It feels like her heart is about to explode as she races up the stairs and slams the bathroom door shut.  _ I fucking got away with it. Holy shit. This is the best feeling EVER! _ She looks in the mirror and lifts a shorn lock of blond hair. “Bye fucking bye stupid ass hair colour.”

She tears open the packaging for the dye and has to take some deep breaths so her hands will stop shaking and let her actually read the instructions. She rereads the whole thing three times to make sure she knows what she’s doing. She strips out of yesterday’s clothes and grabs a brown towel to drape over herself, wriggles her hands into the gloves and gets to work. It takes a while, but soon all her hair is covered in dye and she sits on the toilet, idly browsing the internet on her phone.  _ Still nothing from Max, no ‘hey, my therapy is over, how are you Chloe?’  _ She grimaces and sets the phone down next to the sink, her foot tapping out the dying seconds on the timer.

She sticks her head into the shower, letting the water clear the excess dye from her head. She watches the colour pour out and down the drain. Once it stops, she cranks the heat and steps into the shower. She can’t remember the last time she had a shower so she probably needs it. The near scalding water scours her body, cleansing the accumulation of grime and flushing away the shitty feelings. She stays in there until the water turns cold, then stumbles out into the steam flooded bathroom. With a towel she sponges the mirror clear and admires her handwork. Her haircut is as sloppy as can be, her hair now a medium brown.  _ Fuck yeah, I look awesome. _ She pushes the bathroom door open and heads for her room, kicking her dirty clothes along before barring herself back into her bedroom. Hands on hips she surveys the wreckage of her room.  _ Fucking perfect. _ Her eyes catch on the one thing she hasn’t torn down. The string of Max’s photos hanging in her room. A lump forms in the back of her throat and her hands fall from her hips. The tingling feeling finally flees her body, replaced by the cold hard weight of nothingness.  _ I just want to see her again, is that so fucking hard? _

Giddiness gone she half heartedly finds some vaguely clean clothes, gets dressed and flops onto her bed.

“CHLOE ELIZABETH PRICE, WHAT DID YOU DO?!”

Chloe raises an eyebrow at her mom as she stands at the bottom of the stairwell. “What?”

Joyce glares at her and gestures at her head. “Your hair! What happened?!”

She barely avoids rolling her eyes and shrugs. “I needed a change.”

Her mother’s disbelief is a near physical force. “So, you did that  _ yourself _ ? Where on earth did you get the money for hair dye?”

“I had some money laying around.”

Joyce’s face says that she doesn’t buy it, but she also doesn’t want to know. “You’d better not have made a mess in the bathroom.”

Another shrug. “I was careful. Anyways, I’m going to go hang out with Eliot.”

“When will you be home?”

Another shrug.

“Should I make you dinner?”

“That’d… be nice.”

“Just let me know where you’re going sweetie.”

Chloe sighs and leans against the wall. “Just going to the skate park. There’s going to be plenty of people there and I’ll be home before like 9, okay?”

Joyce’s lips go thin but she nods and Chloe is out the door like a shot.  _ At least Eliot still wants to hang, even if he’s been acting really weird. _

She glides over the asphalt, happy to have the wind in her hair again. She sighs with pleasure at being rid of that massive mop of hair and the feeling of clean skin again as she makes for the skate park.  _ Man they are gonna  _ freak _ when they see my new hair… Maybe I should have gone with the blue? … Nah, mom would have killed me. Maybe when I’m older. _

She rolls in through the gate to the park and sees the usual skater crowd of awkward boys. Eliot is sitting on a bench; the moment he sees her he springs up and walks over. She comes to a stop and kicks her board up, giving him a small wave. “Yo.”

Eliot pauses for a moment, giving her hair a puzzled look before he dives in and hugs her. Her whole-body freezes and she just stares at him.  _ Okay, what the fuck?! _ Her head darts around to see if anyone is noticing, but nobody even glances in their direction. Her skin crawls a little as he doesn’t stop.  _ Do I… push him off or what? _ It takes a moment, but he eventually pulls back, his hands on her upper arms as he looks at her hair. “Chloe, what happened?”

She forces a laugh and smile, shrugging. “I cut my hair and dyed it, duh.”

He cocks his head, his lips creasing into a frown. “Why? It looked great.”

“I just felt like a change, what’s with the third degree?”

He takes a step back, his arms crossing. “I just liked your hair.”

She shrugs and steps back up onto her board. “Well I was kinda sick of it. Are we gonna shred or what dude?”

He rolls his eyes and gestures to the bench. “Don’t we have chem homework to get done? Exams are this week.”

Chloe mock gags and pushes off towards the bowl. “Fuck that, I’ve got good enough grades that I can not show up and pass.”

He shouts after her, “What about your scholarship?”

She pretends not to hear him and starts carving it up, building momentum to start getting up the ramp and doing some tricks on the lip. She sees him occasionally once she’s got speed and she’s sailing around; his eyes are fixed on her while she moves. She pays it no mind and loses herself in the grace of gravity and momentum, blowing off steam as she goes. The only thing that pulls her out of her zone is her phone, which starts vibrating in her pants. She immediately stops, hurriedly running up the side of the bowl and sitting on the lip.

“Sup Max!”

“… Hey.”

She frowns, that’s the Max-has-bad-news tone. “What’s up?”

She hears a sigh from the other end of the line. “I-I’m so sorry. I tried so hard…”

Her heart is in freefall. “What’s going on Max?”

“My parents can’t get the holidays off…”

Chloe’s hand squeezes the phone so tight her knuckles go white. “W-what?”

“I’m so so sorry Chloe, I asked and I asked…”

She fights to keep the tears from coming, squeezing her eyes shut. “I-I thought… Since mom couldn’t…”

“I know, I worked my butt off to get good grades and they say they just can’t right now.”

“That’s… fucking  _ bullshit. _ ”

“I’m sorry! There’s nothing I can do! I told them that they didn’t need to get me anything for Christmas as long as we got to hang out and – and…”

She grits her teeth to keep the tears from coming. “It’s… okay, it’s not your fault.”

She can hear Max crying on the other end and her heart smacks into the concrete. “Seriously, Max, it’s not your fault. We can like… call or something.”

“I-It’s not the same.”

_ Yeah, you’re not going to be in an empty house though. _ “It’s not… But there’s spring break, right? No way I’m letting you miss my birthday.”

“Y-yeah. I’ll try and be there for your birthday.”

“You’d better be… How was therapy?”

“It was good... She’s really nice.”

“What’re you gonna do there?”

“Well, she said something about medication, but we’re mostly going to do new techniques to help me.”

“That’s awesome dude. I’ll still be here if you need me.”

“T-thanks, you’re sure I’m not a burden?”

“Super sure. How’re the new friends?”

“Fernando is kinda like you, but super short. Kristen is really really nice. We were hanging out at a mall and they were showing me around.”

Her hand clenches her phone again but she tries to keep the jealousy from her voice. “That’s awesome. Glad you had a good time.”

“Yeah… how are you doing?”

“I’ll… be fine. Exams and all that.”

“I’m sorry again.”

“It’s okay Max, we’ll figure it out. We always do.”

“Aye aye Captain.”

A ghost of a smile plays over her lips. “Heh, I’m at the skate park right now, I’ll call you when I get home.”

“Sounds good, see ya Chloe.”

“See ya.”

Click.

She sighs, her body shuddering slightly from the pent-up frustration. She wants to scream; she wants to skate. Anything to not think about this fucking garbage. She feels a hand on her shoulder and looks over to see Eliot sitting next to her. “You okay?”

She squeezes her eyes shut and shoves her phone into her pocket. “No. I’m gonna be fucking alone for Christmas. Mom can’t take the time off work so I can go see Max, and Max’s parents can’t take time off so she can see me.”

“Max isn’t your only friend, why don’t you spend it with my family?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always thanks to my beta readers Kay, [LtDax](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LtDax), [Blue](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bluekip) and Olga for betaing this. 
> 
> Well dear readers, only one more chapter to this before I'm taking my much needed healing hiatus. This fic will definitely return, so don't you worry.


	7. Christmas Eve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Caulfield house is full of family, but Max's heart is empty.

Max looks out at the apparently record-breaking snow on the ground. It was Christmas Eve and for the first time in a long time she was with her extended family. They’d rarely visited them or been visited by them in Arcadia Bay, but since Seattle had a major airport, the whole extended family is here. Grandmas and Grandpas she could barely remember, younger and older cousins milling around. She was sharing her bedroom with one, an older girl by the name of Tina she barely knew. Thankfully, she’s downstairs helping with dinner while Max hides in her room away from all the noise and people. She sighs. The house is full but her heart is empty. The one person who matters is 250ish miles of driving away. She pushes off from the window and goes back to laying down in bed. She glances at her phone; she’s texted Chloe a few times but heard nothing back. _I hope she’s doing okay… Who am I kidding, she’s gotta be miserable. And it’s all my fault, if I could have found a way to go down there, I would have, but Dad said that travelling by myself was too dangerous. Poor Chloe, her first Christmas without her dad and she’s got… no one._

She squeezes her eyes shut and tries not to cry. She knows she should just pick up the phone and call, but wouldn’t that just be twisting the knife? _Me calling her with a house full of people would only hurt her more…_ _Worst Christmas ever._ She hadn’t told Chloe how much she’d begged, pleaded and cried with her parents to find some way for her to see Chloe, but they couldn’t change their HR department’s decisions. Even her parents have to answer to higher powers.

There’s a knock on the door and Max wipes her face of a few tears before going to answer. “Yes?”

Tina’s reedy voice comes through the wood, “Your mom wants you to help in the kitchen with dinner, you okay?”

“Yeah, I’ll be right down.”

She’s not okay, but she should probably stop hiding in her room with all the lights off. With a sigh she gets out of her pajamas and grabs some clean clothes. Hoodie and jeans, always the safe bet. She pads down the stairs of the still unfamiliar house and trudges into the kitchen. Her mom, an aunt and an uncle are hard at work in the kitchen. “Hey Mom…”

Her mom spins and gives her a gentle smile. “Hey Max, would you mind peeling potatoes for us?”

 _Ugh, I wanna go back to my room already._ “Sure… Where’s dad?”

Her mom shrugs as she fishes out the potato peeler. “We needed more stuffing for tomorrow and toothbrushes for Jessica and Andy since they forget to pack them.”

 _How the hell does someone forget to pack their toothbrush?_ Max takes the peeler and walks over to the bowl of freshly washed potatoes. _Why is she making me do this? … Probably to get me out of my room. I wish I had a camera. I’d take so many pictures._ She grabs a potato and starts peeling into a second bowl.

It doesn’t take long for her arm to start burning as she peels potato after potato, taking special care not to nick herself with the blade. The other adults continue to mill around in the kitchen, prepping dishes while she continues her monotony. About halfway through the bowl, there’s a knock on the front door. “Max! Get the door!”

Max looks up in confusion. “What? Why?”

“It’s your dad, his arms are full.”

Max shrugs and starts walking to the door. _That’s weird, his arms are full of stuffing?_ She pulls the door open and is about to ask if her dad needs any help when she’s slammed into bodily and pulled into a tight hug. Her brain briefly registers brown hair in her shock. The arms squeeze her body tightly and she slowly returns the gesture as her mind struggles to catch up with what’s happening. She hears a quiet, hoarse whisper. “Max.”

“CHLOE?!”

[ ](https://blusthings.tumblr.com/)

Max laughs and squeezes the bigger girl tightly and the pair hold onto each other for dear life, Chloe joins in the laughter and they both get swept up in it, laughing until tears are running down their faces while they walk in circles in the hug. Max feels her dad ruffle her hair and she turns her head, he’s grinning ear to ear. “Merry Christmas, kiddo.”

Max stares at him, this doesn’t feel real. She gives Chloe another tight squeeze just to make sure, which gets returned. “W-what? How?!”

Chloe pulls back, her eyes twinkling with mischief. “He bought me a bus ticket; I left this morning.”

Max leans into Chloe a little, her head spinning. “Why did nobody tell me?”

Her mom chimes in, her head poking out into the hall. “It’s not exactly a present if it’s not a surprise.”

There was a thump as Max’s dad hefted a suitcase through the doorway. “Why don’t you two get settled in upstairs? Chloe’s going to be sleeping in your room.”

The mental image of her sharing a bed with Chloe like they used to sends a warm thrill through Max, and her mind conjures up feelings from their time in the closet. _Are we going to… do that again?_ There’s suddenly a little lump in her throat as she pulls back from Chloe to heft up her little suitcase so she can carry it for her. Chloe just laughs and takes it herself. “You’re still as tiny as ever.”

Max pouts and crosses her arms. “My growth spurt is coming!”

Chloe rolls her eyes but her smile is still ear to ear. “Suuuuure it is. Show me the way First Mate!”

Max takes Chloe’s wrist and the pair fly up the stairs, practically slamming the door once both are inside. Chloe sets her suitcase down and gives a soft whistle as she spins. “Nice setup.”

“T-thanks…” Max can’t take her eyes off Chloe; it’s only been a couple of weeks but so much as changed. She’s paler, thinner, her eyes sunken, Max takes a few steps forwards and brushes a hand through Chloe’s mangled brown mop.

The taller girl’s face goes a little red before shrugs and sits down on Max’s bed. Her hands start fidgeting with the blankets and her eyes casting down. “My hair? I was getting sick of it. Soooo...”

Max sits down next to her, doing her best to meet Chloe’s eyes as she watches her. “I… kinda like it.”

Chloe’s face lights up in a smile and her hand edges closer until they’re brushing up against each other, the minute contact sends tingles shooting up her arm. “Thanks, Mom was pissed and Eliot said he missed my old hair.”

Max shuffles a little closer to Chloe and the pair’s hands lace fingers. Her chest feels warm and she leans her head on Chloe’s shoulder. “Well they suck… I missed you so much.”

Chloe’s head rests on top of Max’s, her thumb rubs against the blade of Max’s palm. “This still doesn’t feel real…”

Max turns her head slightly, nestling into the crook of Chloe’s neck and breathing in deep. Her earlier disappointment and anxiety slipping away with the touch and smell of her Captain. “Y-yeah… I know what you mean… When did you all plan this?”

Chloe chuckles softly and her hand leave’s Max’s to wrap around her body and hold her close. “Like, a couple days ago. Eliot kiiiiiinda gave me the idea, he offered for me to spend Christmas with his family and that got me thinking about what if I could just come up here by myself. So, I asked mom and called your parents.”

Max’s gut twinges at the idea of Joyce spending Christmas alone and she buries herself deeper into Chloe’s neck. “What about your mom?”

“She’s going to drive up as soon as she’s done with work, but with the snow she might get up here on Christmas day.”

The two fall backwards onto the bed and Max nestles into Chloe’s side, one arm draped lazily over her stomach. _I feel crazy warm and fuzzy… Kinda like in the closet, but more? … I wonder if she’ll kiss me again._ “That’s good. How long are you going to stay?”

Her hand rubs over Max’s back, spreading warmth and tingling wherever it goes. “I dunno, I’m hoping until after New Years but mom has to go back to work…”

“I hope you get to stay too.”

Chloe shifts a bit and Max looks up to see Chloe watching her. “Arcadia is shit without you there.”

Max fights the urge to just press forwards and kiss Chloe, even though she aches to feel all those crazy new emotions again. “Seattle is pretty crappy, I miss hanging out with you all the time.”

Chloe smiles gently as she twirls the pony tail between her fingers, the hair on Max’s neck stands on end and her stomach does somersaults. _This feels so much different now…_ “Yeah. I wish you were still there so we could tear the place up. Now all I’ve got is Eliot and he’s been… extra weird since everything happened.”

Max nestles her head down onto her collar bone, breathing deep to try and calm the fluttering in her chest. “Weird how?”

Chloe shrugs and moves her hand back to Max’s back. “Like going on about how he’s the only friend I’ve got left. It’s kind of creepy actually.”

“I wonder if he’s just jealous?”

“Heh, probably. No boy is good enough to replace you.”

Max sighs and lets her eyes drift closed, just enjoying her best friend’s presence. “Thanks, nobody could ever replace you either.”

“Your new friends not good enough?”

Max shrugs and keeps her eyes closed as her head nestles further onto Chloe’s chest. “Nobody’s good enough.”

The two lapse into silence for a few moments as they rest, Max just basking in the warm fuzziness radiating from Chloe’s touch. _This feeling is new but I really like it… I wonder if it’s always going to be like this with her? Would we be… girlfriends if I hadn’t moved? I think I want that but it’s also kind of scary? But we’re in different states now… Could that even work? … What does it matter, I’m too scared to go for another kiss anyways._

It's Chloe who breaks the silence. “Something on your mind? You’re being super quiet.”

Max focuses on listening to the steady, if fast, rhythm of Chloe’s heartbeat to sooth her nerves. “Yeah, a lot…”

“I feel you…”

Max shifts so she can look up at her friend, who’s looking down at her, her cheeks slightly rosy in a way that makes her gut tingle. “What’s up with you?”

“I asked you first.”

Max sighs and rolls over a bit so she can fully look up at her. “Things… feel different between us.”

Chloe’s cheeks go a little redder but she nods. “Different how?”

Max bites her lower lip as she tries to find the right words to describe it. “This is gonna sound lame, but… it feels warmer?”

Her words earn her a small, fragile smile on Choe’s face. “Warmer, huh? Sounds like you’re getting goopy on me Caulfield.”

“What if… I like being goopy. With you.”

Chloe’s smile gets a little wider, a little bolder. “Then I’d say you’re being extra goopy.”

Max froze, feeling like things were nearing a tipping point. _Do… Do I try and make us more than just friends? Can we be? What if it all falls apart because of how far apart we are? Do I just go for a kiss and see what happens? Would that ruin things? Am I gay? Maybe it’s just a Chloe thing… Or maybe this isn’t what I think it is? I’ve never even done anything with boys, don’t I have to try that?_ “Do you not feel it?”

Whatever boldness was in Chloe’s grin deserts her and Max can see the redness in her cheeks increase. “I… uh, er… I think?”

Max inches up the bed, trying to get a better look at Chloe’s face and edging closer in the process. “What… do you feel?”

She can feel Chloe’s breathing pick up from the rise and fall of her chest as she holds her gaze, scant inches separating their faces. Her Captain’s hot breathing rolling over her cheeks. “I… Ummm… Being around you I can feel things again.”

Max’s head tilts, her own breathing is faster but not in a panicked way. Her skin prickles and tingles from their closeness. “You can feel?”

Chloe pauses a moment, her mouth opening and closing a few times. “I… I-It’s like I don’t feel things anymore, everything is so fucking grey and boring. Ever since I got on the bus to see you, I started feeling more like myself. And when I got here it’s… like I’m alive again, like I can breathe.”

She wraps her arms around Chloe, holding her tight. Chloe’s arms are slow to return the embrace, but when they do it’s tight as Chloe starts to gently sob. “I missed you so, so much… Life has been so empty since you moved.”

Max hugs her tighter, her own eyes misting up. “I missed you so much too, it’s so hard to do anything without you backing me up.”

The clock in Max’s room ticks away as the pair quietly sob, the weeks of separation falling away.

There’s a knock on the door and Ryan’s voice drifts though. “Girls, you can’t stay locked in there all evening. Dinner will be ready soon and you’ve got to introduce Chloe to everyone.”

Max’s head jerks up from Chloe’s neck, her cheeks feel like they’re on fire. “We’ll be out in a minute Pops!”

Chloe’s arms don’t let her go, instead she tugs Max a little closer. Max couldn’t help but giggle, she didn’t want to get up but the festivities weren’t about to wait. “Come on, I gotta show you around the house anyways.”

Chloe makes an exaggerated groan of protest as she lets go of Max and sits up. “Fiiiiiiine, I guessss.”

Max stands, smoothing out her recently rumpled clothing and gestures around the room. “Like I said, a lot bigger than my old room. I took your advice and built a little fort in the closet… It helps a lot.”

Chloe grins as she springs up out of the bed, her old enthusiastic energy evident. She slides open the closet door and grins at the little nest of blankets and pillows. “Looks cozy, shame there’s only room for one.”

Max can feel her face heating up as she grabs Chloe’s wrist and tugs her back out into the upstairs hallway. “That’s my parent’s room, that’s the spare room, that’s the bathroom.”

Chloe nods, following Max’s hand. “Good to know.”

Next Max leads Chloe’s arm down the stairs into the waiting gaggle of family and does her level best to remember the roll call of aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents all crammed into the moderately sized house. Chloe gets more than a few crushing hugs after Ryan explained how Chloe helps Max with her anxiety. Max’s matriarchal grandmother, Betty steps forwards and her gaze hardens as she looks Chloe over. Max can’t help holding her breath as Chloe tenses up. “So, young lady. What are your interests in school?”

Chloe rubs the back of her neck, her cheeks gently flushing red. “Uh, I like chemistry?”

Betty tilts her head, her face a study in neutrality. “Is that what you’re planning on studying?”

Chloe nods, fidgeting under the unyielding scrutiny. _Wait, this is what grandma does when someone brings a new boyfriend or girlfriend…_ Max felt a hot burning lump forming in her throat. _Does she think Chloe’s my girlfriend? Oh god, what if she doesn’t like her?!_ “Er, yeah? It’s pretty awesome stuff. I got into Blackwell on a scholarship for it.”

“And you’re helping my granddaughter while you’re studying so hard?”

Chloe just kind of shrugs. Max can’t help how her hand on Chloe’s wrist squeezes just a little bit tighter. “Pfft, helping Max is the easiest thing in the world. It just sucks I can’t beat up her bullies anymore.”

Betty pauses a moment, slowly nodding her head, appearing to mull it over before her lips curl into a warm smile. “I like her.”

Max’s sigh of relief is palpable as the rest of the family starts chatting away happily and slowly dispersing. She tugs on Chloe’s wrist to start leading her around the house once more. “This is the kitchen, of course, dining, living room…”

Chloe nods, a strange look on her face as she surveys the house. “Damn, this is a nice place Max. And wow, you guys really went nuts on the Christmas tree.”

Max fidgets as she looks around the living room, with her pair of younger cousins milling around. “Yeah, we kinda went big this year since this is the first time we’re having the whole extended family here, and even then, that’s with most of the kids crammed into the basement and a whole bunch of people in hotels.”

Chloe lets out a low whistle. “I had no idea you had this much family.”

Max glances around. “I barely know them, it was super hard for them to get out to Arcadia so we almost never saw them.”

Betty chuckles from off to the side. “Well you’d better get used to seeing us. Also you two are standing under the mistletoe.”

Max feels her face catch fire as she looks up and sees the plant hanging from the ceiling. “Uh…”

Chloe freezes for a moment before laughing. “Well crap, I guess we gotta then?”

Max turns to her and nods as she fights to keep her body from shaking and/or combusting from embarrassment. _How did I forget that was there?! I watched pops hang it up!_ “I-I guess?”

She stares up at Chloe, her gut tingling at the looming kiss and her heart fluttering over the redness in her face. Chloe looks like she’s about to go for it, her attempt at a suave expression nearly sending Max into a nervous giggle fit. She closes her eyes and leans up.

Clonk.

Max stumbles back, clutching her forehead and seeing stars. She hears Chloe swearing in as child friendly a fashion as she can manage as the house erupts in laughter. _Oh god I’m never going to live this down._

Once the mockery had died away the extended family had sat at various tables to start eating. Thankfully, Max was seated next to Chloe at the younger adult table and the pair were peppered with questions. Chloe fielded most of them, answering questions about how the two knew each other, how long they’d be friends. Max was still too embarrassed to say a word as dinner was finished, cleaned away and dessert was served. She mutely ate into her pumpkin pie as Chloe traded jokes with her cousin Tina about various boy bands and trends.

Once everyone is done eating, the pair retreat up to Max’s room to get Chloe unpacked and Max learns that Tina is moving to a different room for her stay. She blinks in confusion but doesn’t question it, something in the way her cousin is grinning tells her that something is afoot and she probably won’t like the answer. With Chloe’s clothes tucked away into a spare drawer and her suitcase mostly unpacked the two settle into the quiet of Christmas eve together, laying on Max’s bed and swapping silly stories of their old days in school while watching the occasional funny video on youtube. As the evening dwindles away, the pair lapse into silence, Max’s head resting on Chloe’s chest as the older girl idly plays with her hair.

Chloe breaks the stillness first. “So what was that thing with your grandma? Everyone was crazy quiet.”

Max feels like butterflies are going to explode out her chest. “S-she does that when someone brings a new boyfriend or girlfriend to a family thing. I’ve only seen it a few times because we don’t go to most of them.”

“Waaaaait, does she think we’re a… thing?”

Max is about to bury her face in Chloe’s chest to hide her burning face when she remembers what’s there now and her face only burns hotter. “M-maybe?”

Chloe draws in a shaky breath and she fidgets with Max’s hair more. “Did… Did you tell anyone?”

“N-no. I haven’t told anyone…”

“Oh… Then why?”

“I-I dunno? Maybe she thinks that because of what pops said?”

Chloe sighs softly and shrugs. “I mean, she did try to get us to kiss…”

Max’s eyes quickly check the time on the faintly glowing laptop. It reads 12:04 AM. Christmas day is upon them. “Y-yeah…”

Chloe fidgets some more and even in the faint LCD glow the redness in her pale cheeks is obvious. “I… I t-think we still gotta… Right? Isn’t that the mistletoe rules?”

Max can’t keep the giddy grin from her face as she scoots up the bed. “Well… I didn’t get you a Christmas gift so…”

Their lips make contact again and her chest explodes in sensations, her body alive in ways she’d never thought possible. Her core thrums with nervous energy that’s new, exciting and so, so different from her usual anxiety. Chloe responds, her fingers curling in her hair as she lightly presses up into the tentative, tender kiss. Max lingers, there’s no time pressure like in the closet, no waiting crowd to explode into shouting and teasing. Just them in her quiet bedroom in the stillness of the snowy night. Her mind races with possibilities and hormonal wants that are new, exciting and equally scary. Eventually her lungs burn for air and she pulls back, both of them panting. “Merry Christmas, Chloe Price.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to post this a bit early because I was getting impatient, for reasons that are hopefully obvious. This'll be the last chapter for this fic until my head gets better if I can manage to stick to my hiatus, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter and will agree that I've left them in a good spot for now. Please let me know what you think in the comments.
> 
> A huge thanks to Kay [Blue](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bluekip) and Olga for betaing this.
> 
> And an extra special thank you to [Blue for the wonderful fanart she provided for this, she's open for commissions!](https://blusthings.tumblr.com/post/624178237972545536/message-me-if-youre-interested-things-i-will)
> 
> Edit: 03/08/2020 Sooooo once more Blue has decided to grace me with her wonderful fanart!


	8. Christmas Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chloe awakes to Christmas Day with the extended Caulfield clan.

Chloe can’t sleep. How could she? Her heart has been hammering like a drum line after that kiss; her mind whirls with questions. With Max fast asleep while nestled in her arms, Chloe is left with so many questions and no real answers.  _ Are we girlfriends now? Can we be? We live so far apart… Does that matter? Shit, am I gay? I think I might be? I’ve never felt like this for any guy.  _ Her body buzzes and crackles with pent up energy, but she doesn’t dare move in case she wakes Max up. So, she just burns with more and more questions.  _ What if we drift apart because of the distance? What if we don’t work out as a couple? Can we even date like this? What if I meet someone else in Arcadia by some fucking miracle? Oh shit, what if  _ Max  _ meets someone else?! We did say we were going to wait until we could go off to college together, but what if we’re completely different people by then?  _ Her anxiety and excitement mix in her thoughts and the questions torture her until her own exhaustion finally drags her to sleep.

It's entirely too soon when Max shakes her awake. She groans, blearily blinking her way into the waking world. “Come on, Chloe! It’s time to get up!”

She starts for a moment, surprised to find Max kneeling over her before she remembers where she is and what happened yesterday.  _ Holy fuck, we like for real kissed last night…  _ The urge to go for a second one in that moment is visceral, but Max is tugging her up and out of bed.  _ Right, shit, it’s Christmas. _ She stumbles to her feet, trying to blink away the cobwebs clouding her thoughts. Max is practically bouncing in front of her with sheer enthusiasm, and she can’t help herself from laughing. Her chest feels warm, her limbs have energy. Waking up today doesn’t feel like a begrudging chore she’s obligated to do, she’s actually  _ excited _ again after nearly a month. 

Max heads off towards the door, all laughter and smiles, grief stabs into her from nowhere. Dad isn’t here. Her first Christmas without him. Her eyes brim with tears and Max stops shy of throwing the door open. So many firsts to come without him, so many life events without his easy smile and goofy wit. Her excitement is acrid ash in her throat as Max calls out to her in words she can barely hear, her vision blurring with tears. She had confided in him before Max had showed up that day about what had happened, so he’d at least gotten to know about her first kiss.

She barely notices when Max crashes into her, her skinny arms tugging her tight. It takes her a moment to return the embrace and the tears really start flowing. Now that she can feel again, she can feel his absence. The void in her life and her heart where her dad should be. Max squeezes her. At least she still has the other half of her world. Those freckles, nervous smile and eyes so full of earnest hope. At least now they’re together again. It’s the only thing that’s felt right in a month of pure hell. 

The door opens and soon more arms are wrapping around her, bigger, adult ones. She leans into Ryan’s chest as she cries. She can’t help it. The numbness is gone and the pain is all consuming. She hears people talking and then more arms add to the growing hug. She clutches Max tighter, feeling her own shirt getting damp. She focuses on Max, letting the sensation of those boney arms and tiny frame be her north star in the ocean of pain. 

Slowly, but surely, Max drags her back from the abyss. She takes in a few deep, shuddering breaths and looks up in bewilderment as a cluster of concerned onlookers have gathered in the room and outside in the hall. “S-shit… Sorry everyone…”

Vanessa smiles as she and Ryan pull from embracing her and Max. “It’s okay Chloe, we don’t expect you to just pretend like nothing happened.”

Ryan nods and he starts ushering people out of the room and down the stairs. “Thanks…”

Max squeezes her a bit tighter as the room is cleared, Vanessa calls back into the room. “Get changed and come down when you’re ready. We’ll wait for you.”

_ Great, now everyone is going to look at me weird because I’m the girl with the dead dad… _ She sighs as Max’s mom shuts the door for them and looks down at Max. “Sorry for ruining Christmas morning…”

Max gives her a gentle squeeze before pulling back, wiping her own face. “You didn’t ruin anything, but I kinda messed up your shirt…”

Chloe shrugs and starts tugging her shirt up. “’s fine, I’ll get changed and we’ll be fine.”

Her heart flutters as she sees Max’s face go a bit red before Chloe turns around to search her suitcase for a shirt.  _ Well that’s… new… I guess I do kinda have boobs now? A little bit? At least they aren’t sore today. _ She can’t help her little nervous laugh as she tosses the soiled shirt aside and slips into a new one. 

Max makes her way to the door, her face still flushed. “Uh… I guess we should head down?”

Chloe shrugs and grabs a tissue to blow her nose. That done, she nods. “Yeah, let’s go do Christmas.”

Max leads her downstairs by the wrist again, not that Chloe minds, she can’t help smiling at the simple contact.  _ Shit, is all the touching why her grandma thought that we’re dating? Is it weird how much we touch? _ The whole family is milling around the living room, a massive mound of gifts dominating the center of the room. Max leads her right to a carefully saved spot on the couch for the pair and they sit down. Chloe looks around and her smile falls a little bit. “Hey, where’s mom?”

Ryan answers. “She’s running a bit late, she got stuck behind some plows. Do you want to wait for her?”

She looks around at all the people crowded into the room, most of them are just chatting. The younger kids are giving her an impatient look. “How long do you think she’ll be?”

“She said she’d be another twenty minutes or so.”

Chloe glances at the eager faces staring up at her.  _ Shit, do I make them all wait for Joyce?  _ She sighs and drums her fingers on her knee for a moment. “I’ll wait, they can get started.”

“I’m going to wait too.” Max chimes in and flashes Chloe a smile.

There’s a small cheer from the younger cousins and Max’s parents start distributing the massive pile of gifts. Before long, the floor is awash with discarded wrapping paper and packaging as the youngest, Jessica and Andy (if Chloe was remembering right), were busy chasing each other around with their new toys. Chloe squirmed as the pile of gifts shrank and shrank.  _ I really hope Max likes the gift her dad and I picked out… _

The doorbell rings and Ryan motions for Chloe to go get it while he hands out presents to his parents. She squeezes her way through the crowd, Max following behind her, clutching her wrist. She throws open the door and Joyce steps in from the cold, wrapping her and Max up in a hug. “Oh I missed you two.”

“I missed you too Mom.”

“It’s so great to see you again.”

Her mom laughs in a way Chloe can barely remember, even if it’s only been a few weeks, the hug breaks up andJoyce looks Max over. “Look at you, darlin’. You’ve grown since you moved.”

Chloe shuts the door and her own laughter slips out. “No she hasn’t mom, she’s still tiny.”

Max lightly punches her in the shoulder and all three laugh. “Shut uuuuup! I have!”

Joyce laughs and kicks off her boots, Max steps forwards and helps her get her coat off. “Sorry about being late girls, couldn’t be helped.”

Chloe shrugs. “It’s okay mom, Max and I waited for you to do presents.”

Her mom smiles as she walks steps from the atrium into the hall. “Why thank you, you didn’t have to.”

Chloe shrugs and bites the inside of her cheek to keep another round of tears at bay as she repeats what William had always told her when she wanted to open presents while Joyce was fast asleep. “I mean, gotta wait for the whole family, right?”

Joyce’s smile falters for a moment but she sweeps Chloe up in another tight hug. “Better get to it then. Max’s gift is in my bag, would you get it out for me?”

Chloe nods as she’s released from the hug and tries to ignore Max’s curious look as she opens her mom’s little duffle bag and extracts the wrapped box with all the care and precision of an archeologist. She holds onto the package for dear life, dodging between Max’s family to make her way to add the precious parcel to the rapidly dwindling pile of presents. A member of the Caulfield clan gets up to give Joyce a spot on the couch, so Chloe’s forced to squeeze in beside Max to the point she’s practically sitting in her lap. Her stomach fills with butterflies as she nestles in and waits for the gift giving to get to Max.

It got to her first. “Here Chloe, this is from all of us.”

She blinks as she’s handed a large, soft package with her name on it. “I thought…”

Ryan shook his head and smiled. “Your ticket was Max’s gift.”

Chloe nods before tearing at the packaging, revealing a bundle of clothing. A few nice hoodies, mostly black, and a few band t-shirts she’d told Max she’d started listening to during their time apart. “I heard you complaining on the phone that some of your shirts were getting a little small…”

Chloe grins a little as she sets them aside.  _ Wow, I didn’t expect Max to remember all of these… And where did she find a Firewalk shirt?! _ “T-Thanks.”

Joyce gives a soft chuckle; another sound Chloe hasn’t heard in a while. “Thank you. Saves me having to drag her out to go shopping.”

She gives her mom a playful shoulder bump, “You couuuld just give me some spending money and let me go off on my own.”

Joyce just smirks. “Now where’s the fun in that?”

Chloe rolls her eyes before her gut churns as she watches Ryan take their gift to Max off the stack.  _ Oh please like it, please please please… _ “To Max, from Chloe and Joyce.”

Her throat suddenly feels really dry as Max carefully picks apart the wrapping around the box, a puzzled expression on her face. “You didn’t have to get me anything…”

Chloe tries to keep her nervousness out of her voice, but the way her foot starts bouncing gives that away. “Yeah well we did so quit stalling.”

Max snorts softly as she tears the packaging apart, her puzzlement increasing as she finds herself looking at an old shoebox. She flips up the lid and her eyes go wide. “Whoa… Are you cereal?!”

Chloe can’t even comment on the slang as her gaze is fixed on Max’s face, watching her go from surprise to jubilant excitement as she reaches into the box and pulls out her gift. Max reverently turns the 600 series Polaroid over in her hands, her eyes practically bulging out of her skull. “Where did you find this?!”

Joyce chimes in, a gentle hand on Chloe’s shoulder. “Well Chloe said you were going to need a camera over here, so we took a little trip to Portland after talking to your parents about getting Chloe here. She picked it out.”

The sheer brilliance of Max’s smile directed at her makes Chloe feel like her chest is about to explode in butterflies, and just maybe she might get  _ another _ kiss tonight.  _ Shit I have such a mega crush on her… _ “Y-yeah, I mean, I’ve seen you drooling over dad’s camera, so I figured…”

Max eagerly tears open the film package at the bottom of the box and slots some in before flipping up the flash with a soft ‘chunk’ sound. “Thank you both so much! This is such a mega awesome gift!”

Chloe’s cheeks start to hurt a little from smiling so much as Max points the camera at her and blinds her for a few seconds with the flash. She blinks away the after image, the blinding light resolving into Max clutching the developing shot like it might dissolve at any second. Chloe leans in, trying to get a look, but Max tilts the picture with a sly smile. “Gotta wait for it to finish!”

Chloe rolls her eyes and pouts for a few moments before Max flips the picture around.  _ Holy shit, mom looks… Happy? _ Her eyes trace the lines on Joyce’s face, even though the funeral had been less than a month ago, seeing her mom smiling had felt like a distant memory. But Max had managed to capture this sparkle in her eyes as she looked over top of Chloe, every bit the proud parent.  _ Wow, I look like such a fucking dork. _ She glances over her own lopsided, nervous smile. She can feel her own dumb anxiety seepingout of the photograph, but also happiness and warmth. The framing is definitely centered on her though, despite Joyce’s happiness and warmth.  _ Her first picture was of me… _

Max’s eyes are alight with vibrant energy and just for a moment Chloe thinks Max is going to lunge forwards and kiss her in front of everyone. Her own eyes snap around to see a few adults watching them with strange looks, Grandma Betty has a gigantic smile on her face. Her eyes go back to Max’s. Her cheeks slightly flushed and the tension is so real she could string a guitar with it. The moment stretches on only for her friend’s face to once again disappear behind the camera. She’s left blinking away another flash as Max starts photographing the rest of the family.

The day starts to blur together after that. She trades words with Max while the film they’d gotten rapidly disappears into capturing all the worthwhile moments amidst the flurry of family fun. Some time after lunch Chloe stops being able to keep up and ends up sitting by herself at the top of the stairs, idly browsing through social media while laying on her back. Lots of pictures from people she vaguely knows showing off their Christmas hauls.

Nothing from Eliot though, not even a private message replying to her merry Christmas.

_ Weird. _

She shrugs and keeps on scrolling as she hears some footsteps coming up. It wasn’t Max judging by the sound and the lack of her name being called, so she doesn’t get up. Eventually a figure enters her peripheral vision.  _ Shit, what was her name? Tammy? Tina? I think it was Tina. _ “Hey.”

Maybe-Tina nods, a gentle smile on her face. “Hey.”

Chloe grunts as she props herself up on her elbows. “Sup Tina?”

The woman shrugs and leans against the wall.  _ Yup, Tina _ “Just curious.”

Chloe shuffles a bit and tries to get a read on Tina’s face, it’s pretty impassive. “What about?”

Her smile gets tighter. “About you, and who Max is to you.”

The answer is basically automatic. “She’s my best friend.”

Max’s cousin’s expression doesn’t change. “Is that all she is?”

Chloe falters, trying to find the words. “… I…”

Her arms cross. “Still working it out?”

Chloe sags and motions to Max’s bedroom. “Can we talk about this in there?”

Tina snorts before she nods and Chloe follows her into the room before shutting the door and taking a seat on Max’s bed. “So talk.”

Chloe lays back on the bed and looks at the ceiling because it’s easier. “I… seriously don’t know.”

Her arms cross again. “You don’t know?”

“Shit’s all messed up, okay? Maybe if Max hadn’t moved, but…”

The young woman pauses, lips pursing and finger tapping against her elbow before she nods. “Okay. Just… don’t hurt her. Max might not be the youngest, but she’s practically the baby of the family.”

Something about her tone makes Chloe’s blood boil and she snaps. “She’s my best friend! I’m not going to hurt her!”

Tina smirks and nods before leaving the room. The unspoken next sentence burning in her throat.  _ She’s all I’ve got left. _ The tears come unbidden as the burning spreads through her brain. Her sense of time falls away as she collapses onto Max’s bed and clutches her pillow into her chest.

She has no idea when Max finds her, she just knows that the pillow is pretty soaked now. Max doesn’t ask any questions, she just closes the door and joins Chloe on the bed, holding her tight.

By the time someone calls out that it’s dinner time, she’s managed to stop crying, but she can’t stop the ache in her chest. She desperately wishes for the numbness back so she can stop feeling this way, something, anything to numb the pain. Max guides her upright and a quick look shows Chloe that she hadn’t been alone in her crying, despite the brave little smile framed by her freckled features. She lets Max lead her from the room and to the bathroom so she can wash the dried tears and snot from her face. “… Sorry.”

“You don’t have anything to be sorry for.”

Chloe sighs and splashes some water on her face like it’ll make her look like less of a wreck. “Yeah, I do, I’m just falling apart on you on  _ Christmas _ . I was… I was just hoping I was going to get to be normal for a bit coming here but I’m still just the freak with the dead dad.”

She closes her eyes as she feels her friend’s small hand tenderly rubbing her back. “Y-you’re not a freak Chloe, you’re my best friend.”

Ryan’s baritone bellows in the hallway. “Girls! Supper!”

Max speaks up for her. “We’ll be down in a minute Pops!”

With a sigh Chloe splashes more water into her face and quickly rubs it dry in a towel. “Alright, lets go have dinner.”

This time Chloe is sitting at the big family table, not with the younger adults like last time. She’s sandwiched between Joyce and Max as dishes get passed around, doing her best not to make eye contact as she loads up her plate. Tina’s words firmly lodged in her brain. She steals a quick glance at Max, who’s excitedly showing grandma Betty the pictures she took of the family. Her heart skips a beat.  _ She looks so fucking happy, how the fuck could I ever hurt her? _

Max’s gaze meets hers and her chest tingles before she quickly turns her attention back to the platter hovering above her plate. She scoops some mash potatoes onto it and then holds it up for Max, who gives her an appreciative smile while she does likewise.

_ Thank fuck they don’t say grace, I wouldn’t have been able to contain myself. _ Forks hit plates and Chloe can blot out the swirling conversations and just eat. Once or twice people try to engage her but a few monosyllabic responses get them to leave her alone. She doesn’t have the emotional bandwidth to deal with anyone other than Max, who’s too busy filling her own face with stuffing to talk. . She can’t help but steal more glances at her as she shovels food into her face until there’s no room left. She notices a few family members looking at her from time to time, just like the kids in school do. The ‘I don’t know how to deal with a girl whose dad just died’ look. She does her best to push it out and focus on how happy Max is, and how their feet keep bumping against each other under the table.

Once dinner and the accompanying dessert has been polished off Chloe beats as hastily a retreat back up to Max’s room as she can, given how overstuffed with food she is. She lays down on the borrowed air mattress with a groan, hands clutching at her stomach.  _ Yup, I definitely over did it. Worth it though, no way can I tell Joyce that grandma Joan makes a better turkey than she does.  _ A yawn bubbles it’s way out of her throat and her eyelids are definitely getting heavier.

“Hey Chloe.”

It takes effort to lift up her heavy head to see Max coming into the room. “Oh, hey.”

Max’s head jerks from one bed to the other.  _ Shit, does she want us to sleep in the same bed? Is that still okay for us to do? We did it last night but… Shit, I don’t want to hurt her and I super don’t want the entire Caulfield clan out for my hide. Can we date, living apart li- _ Her train of thought smashes into a brick wall as Max starts getting out of her day clothes like it’s totally normal and they didn’t kiss again last night. Chloe’s whole body feels like it’s on fire as she turns her head to face the wall.  _ Oh okay wow, that’s… Holy shit that’s new. Max has changed in front of me like a million times why is this so different?! Fuck I think this means I’m definitely gay. Oh god what am I going to say to Max? SHIT WHAT AM I GOING TO SAY TO MOM?! _

There’s a gentle cough and Chloe rolls back over to see Max looking at her, her own face gently flushed. “E-everthing okay?”

_ No, everything is very much not okay, I’m gay and you keep kissing me and I really wish you hadn’t moved. _ “Y-yeah, just…. It’s been a day, y’know?”

Max’s smile and voice are so tender that Chloe’s heart starts to melt. “Yeah… It’s great to have you here though. And thank you so much for the camera, it’s so awesome!”

She can’t keep her own smile off her face. “Knew you’d like it, dork. We probably shoulda gotten you more film though.”

Max giggles as she places the camera on her nightstand with the reverence Indiana Jones would show a museum piece, which to be fair, it probably does belong in one. “Maybe, we’ll just have to go shopping tomorrow for some! Dad says he’s going to let me use his credit card to buy film.”

“Whoooooa, that’s crazy!”

Max’s laugh is bright and airy, like everything is okay and there isn’t a person missing from this holiday. “We are not using it all to buy candy!”

She rolls her eyes and joins in the laughter “As if! We’re totally going to go crash a Hot Topic and get some cool shit!”

Max shakes her head. “Dad said he’s going to check, so no.”

Chloe props herself upright on the air mattress and scoffs. “Fiiiiiiine, I’ll just have to blow my Christmas money on some awesome studs for that hoodie.”

Max pauses for a moment, her lower lip caught in her teeth in a way that sends a thrill through Chloe’s gut. “That… would be pretty awesome. Anyways I’m going to brush my teeth.”

“Damn right I’m awesome,” She shoots Max a wink full of confidence she doesn’t feel that gets a full on blush before she’s alone in the room again. “… and I have no idea what I’m going to do with you…”

With a heavy sigh she gets up and changes into some pajamas before collapsing back into the air mattress, unable to fight the rising food coma and emotional exhaustion as they pull her into sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! I continue to suck at taking a hiatus, so have some more of these gaybies. Sorry in advance if there's a noticeable drop in quality, this chapter was written in small chunks over the course of a few weeks. Let me know what you think in the comments.


	9. The Mall Incident

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Max and Chloe have some post Christmas shopping to do.

“DAD!”

Max bolts upright in her bed, eyes wide and ears searching for the source of the noise. All she can hear is the squeaking of someone thrashing around on an air mattress.  _ Oh no, Chloe! _ Before she’s really aware of what she’s doing her feet swing out from under the covers and she’s stumbling across the dark room until her searching hands find the other bed. She gingerly crawls up onto it and starts trying to make her way up to find Chloe’s head to wake her. Instead, she gets a forearm in the face and collapses. Forehead stinging, she reaches out another hand and grabs Chloe’s flailing limb, holding it steady as she shakes. Chloe gasps and twists, trying to pull her arm free. 

“Chloe! Stop! It’s me!”

The errant arm pauses before jerking. “M-Max?”

She shuffles up the bed a bit until she can see Chloe’s bewildered face in the gloom. “Yes, it’s me, it’s Max. You were having a nightmare.”

Chloe’s arms immediately wrap around her tiny frame and pull her close. “Oh god, Max… I…”

She nestles into her arms, head into her shoulder. “Shhhhhh, it’s okay, it’s okay.”

Chloe nods a few times before burying her head into Max’s hair. “I-I saw Dad and… and I was in the car and…”

Max shifts more of her body onto Chloe, hoping the weight will help ground Chloe to the moment. “It’s okay Chloe, it’s over, I’m here. I’m here.”

A sob erupts from her Captain’s lips as she clutches at Max’s spare frame. Max keeps repeating ‘it’s okay’ over and over and over, hoping that it will work, that Chloe will be okay if she says it enough times. It takes a few minutes, but slowly her breathing calms down and her crying trails off. The arms gripping her grow loose and Max tugs some covers over herself to get comfortable before sleep finds her again.

She’s woken by a gentle nudge in the morning and her father’s voice. “We heard a shout last night, was she having nightmares?”

Max nods sleepily, not wanting to wake up and leave the comfortable embrace. “Yeah… I helped her…”

“Good work kiddo, you two can keep sleeping in. Most of the family is getting ready to head up to Canada for Boxing Day sales, they’ll be back this evening.”

Max nods again before sleep fades back in, something about laying on Chloe’s chest and listening to her slow, steady heartbeat makes it irresistible.

“Earth to sleepy Max. Come in sleepy Max.”

Her eyes crack open again and she grumbles in annoyance at her lovely dreams about photographing Chloe skateboarding fade out. “Mmmmnnf… Nooooo….”

Chloe’s laugh is gentle and playful. “Come on Maximum snorage, we got a town to tear up… and my chest is kinda sore soooo…”

Max’s head jerks up and her whole face is quickly burning bright. “I-I… uh, er… sorry!”

Their eyes meet and Chloe’s are practically sparkling with mischief. “It’s all good. Thanks for last night. You really helped; I think I actually had okay dreams.”

The burning eases on her face, and she puts on her brightest smile for Chloe.  _ Oh god, don’t think about how you just used her chest for a pillow or you’ll never stop blushing. _ “I’m glad I could help. Maybe we should… keep to the same bed? … Y-you know, if it helps you so much.”

_ WHAT THE HELL ME, SO NOT HELPING THE BLUSHING! _ Chloe doesn’t help either, her lopsided grin growing to span from ear to ear. “I think you might have ulterior motives, Caulfield. You just want more time with my girls.”

The burning came back at full force and Max is left stammering as Chloe busts a gut laughing. “OH MAN YOU SHOULD SEE YOUR FACE!”

Max shoves her with a groan, doing her best to try and not look like a blushing mess. “You’re such a buttface!”

Chloe  _ howls _ with laughter as she falls back onto the air mattress. “OH MAN! BUTTFACE! SO BRUTAL!”

Max rolls her eyes and crosses her arms while she tries and fails to keep the smile from her face.  _ It’s so hard to be mad at her when she’s so happy, I guess last night really helped her. _ “You’re such a child.”

She gets a snort and Chloe pushes her a bit with a foot. “I’m older than you!”

“I’m not the one having a giggle fit.”

Chloe throws a pillow at her, which catches her full in the face. She throws it right back before diving forwards and unleashing the one thing she  _ knows _ works on Chloe. The one way to get her out of control Captain to surrender: a tickle attack. Within moments Chloe devolves to a flailing, giggling mess and Max’s heart is full of that new fluttering feeling again, making her almost stop.  _ Almost. _ “UNCLE! UNCLE! MAAAAAX! STOOOOOP!”

Max grins down at Chloe as she stops, revelling in the glory of victory as the pair pant. “Gotcha.”

It’s only when their eyes meet and it’s only when Max notices just how red-faced Chloe is does the reality of the situation sink in. This is nothing like the tickle fights of yore where it was all harmless fun. Her chest is full of those new feelings, her gut is tingling with this new excitement she can’t describe.

And she’s.

On.

Top.

Of.

Her.

Max Caulfield is  _ straddling _ Chloe Price.

And their eyes are still locked together.

Her whole-body screams at her to lower herself down.

To  _ kiss  _ her.

They’ve done it twice before, right?

_ Best friends don’t kiss like that twice. _

_ But I want to do it so bad. _

Chloe’s face slowly turns from a big goofy grin to a look Max can’t quite place as they keep panting, still locked in that moment. Whatever that expression means, it makes the thrill in Max’s gut spread out in a tingling warmth.

Her eyes finally tear themselves from Chloe’s face and flick down to her lips before returning to those soulful blue eyes.

She finally places Chloe’s expression.

It’s  _ want _ .

Chloe  _ wants _ Max to kiss her.

The moment stretches on some more, neither daring to move.

_ Is this… gay? _

She can feel her cheeks burning.

It’s just a kiss.

No biggie, right?

_ Right? _

It feels like if she opens her mouth, the butterflies going insane in her chest will fly out.

With every beat of the heart, Max sees Chloe’s face blushing redder and redder.

Joyce’s voice echoes up from downstairs. “GIRLS! BREAKFAST!”

It takes a monumental effort of will for Max to even answer, much less keep a steady, even tone of voice. She still can’t take her eyes off Chloe though. “We’ll be down in a bit!”

Neither moves.

Max’s breath starts hitching in her throat as the warm tingles spreading out from her gut feel like they’ve encompassed her whole body.

She has Chloe there, stuck between her legs.

And she wants to kiss her  _ so bad _ .

_ So why don’t I? I’ve done it twice… _

_ But this feels so  _ **different** _ … _

_ What happens if I do? _

Chloe’s eyes flick to the door and then back to her.

The seconds are slipping away.

She has to make a choice.

So why can’t she?

The room is stiflingly hot.

Her breathing gets more ragged by the second, her heart thundering in her ears.

But not from panic.

From whatever  _ this _ is.

This insane moment where she wants to  _ make out with her best friend. _

She finds herself lowering before she even makes the decision to give in to whatever the hell it is she’s feeling.

The way Chloe’s eyes widen sends another wave of warm tingles washing over her.

She’s going to do it; she’s going to kiss her again. No mistletoe.

No closet.

Just whatever these crazy feelings are.

And it  _ feels so right. _

Their faces are mere inches apart to the point Max can feel Chloe’s hot breath rolling over her cheeks.

Her whole world has collapsed down to this. Each point of contact between them sends thrills racing up her body.

She starts closing the distance again, wanting to feel her lips against Chloe’s again.

The feeling that gave her the courage to pick up that phone.

The feeling that kept them together, despite the distance.

_ Would we be more than friends if I do this? _

_ Well, Max Caulfield, you’re about to find out. _

Their lips brush against each other, slight contact making her lips tingle.

Chloe’s eyes are still wide, the only movement the normally bold girl makes is the heaving of her chest from her ragged breathing. Max lets her eyes slide closed as she braces herself to make the kiss whole, to give in to these crazy feelings.

There’s a harsh knock on the door, Joyce’s voice comes through again. “Come on, your breakfast is getting cold!”

The two separate in a panic, Max flying off the bed and stumbling backwards. Chloe just stares at her, eyes white saucers and cheeks cherry red. There’s a knock on the door again, and Chloe manages to find the mental capacity to answer. “Gimme a sec!”

There’s a sigh outside and Joyce’s footsteps retreat from the door, leaving Max and Chloe to stare at each other from across the room.  _ Holy crap, what came over me?! I… I almost… _ She puts a hand on her bed to try and steady herself, but seeing Chloe across the room from her, pressed up against the wall and panting definitely is not helping. It’s Chloe who manages to steady her breathing first, but her arms and legs are shaky as she gets up from the bed. “W-we should probably go eat.”

_ Are… are we still friends? Did I go too far? Did she actually want me to? She didn’t make a move? Why didn’t she make a move? It’s not like Chloe to just sit there? Oh god, what if she hates me now?!  _ Her vision starts getting spotty. She can’t breathe. The room is a million degrees.  _ I went too far! My Captain hates me now! There’s no way we can still be friends. I just ruined everything! _

Arms wrap around her, Chloe’s arms, she slumps forwards into them. “Hey! Hey, hey, hey, Max! Come on, let’s breathe, okay?”

She nods numbly, breathing in time with her Captain’s slowly rising and falling chest.  _ Chloe is holding me. I guess… we’re okay? Should we talk about what just happened?  _ She closes her eyes, focusing on the rapid rhythm of Chloe’s heart. “T-Thanks…”

“Don’t worry about it. You okay?”

She nods and they pull apart, despite how much Max doesn’t want to. “I… guess we should get breakfast before your mom comes back up.”

Chloe fidgets, looking like she  _ really _ wants to say something.  _ Since when has Chloe not just blurted something out? _ After a few heartbeats the taller girl just nods, whatever bubbliness she’d had after waking up gone.

Max follows her down the stairs, whatever worries vanishing as the aroma hits her. Breakfast, as it turns out, is a collaboration between Joyce and Grandma Betty. Joyce making her famous waffles and Grandma Betty demonstrating her mastery over all things involving eggs and bacon. Max can’t help but sigh with relief when she sees the substantial lack of shoes in the atrium. With most of the Caulfield clan in Canada, maybe nobody will notice the lingering heat in her cheeks.

Grandma Betty turns as they enter the kitchen, and a wily smile crosses her features. “There you two are! Hard time getting out of bed?”

Max’s cheeks immediately go from simmer to high and all she can do is nod. Chloe drapes an arm over her shoulder like they used to when they were getting scolded and tugs her close. “It’s my fault, I was trying on all the shirts she got me. Aaaaapparently I’m going to have to model for her when we get back with new film.”

_ W-what?! I-I mean…. That would be nice? _

Betty nods, seemingly satisfied before returning to the omelette she’s working on, grabbing some bacon from a plate and crumbling it in her hands before sprinkling it into the still cooking eggs. Chloe lets Max go before taking an eager seat at the kitchen table, whatever was on her mind evidently forgotten in the face of food.  _ Classic Chloe. _ Max takes her seat opposite Chloe and starts pouring them both a glass of orange juice from the carton on the table.

“Joyce tells me you like your bacon, right Chloe?”

“Oh he-heck yeah! Gimme all that bacon.” Max has to laugh into her hand at Chloe’s near miss. Betty has no such compunctions.

“I’m old, girl, not fragile. You can fucking swear.”

Max is silently thankful she hadn’t started drinking anything just yet as she shares a wide-eyed look with Chloe. Betty simply cackles as she folds the omelette. Joyce scoffs quietly as she dumps a waffle from the iron before getting the batter for a second in. In a few moments, Chloe has a finished omelette in front of her, garnished with green onions and more crumbled bacon and barely does Betty’s hand leave the plate before she starts diving in.

After one forkful Chloe starts making some  _ really _ distracting noises that don’t help at all with the lingering heat in her cheeks. Joyce only laughs.

“Guess I’ll need that recipe after all.”

Betty grins. “Told ya.”

Joyce brings her another plate, piled high with waffles, which she gives her full attention in a vain attempt to distract herself from Chloe’s pleased groans with her own slices of sugary sweetness. A little actual maple syrup and she was off to the races. It was like she was back in the Two Whales again, surrounded by the soft murmurs of truckers and locals, the clatter of dishes and the savory smells from the grills.  _ What I wouldn’t give to have never moved, I feel like that place raised me as much as mom and Joyce. Would… we be dating already if I hadn’t moved? … Probably not, she’s still hurting so much. Maybe that’s why she didn’t do anything? I feel like if William was here she wouldn’t have hesitated at all. Or maybe I’m just imagining things because I want them to be real… Then again, she  _ did _ say there weren’t any more awesome pirates left in the bay so… _

“Max? Earth to Max?”

Max blinks and her head jerks up as Chloe waves her hand in front of her face. “You okay dude? Your plate is empty and you’ve been staring off into space for like five minutes.”

“O-oh. I’ve just… been thinking.”

Chloe snorts before grabbing her empty plate and getting up. “Well you keep thinking while I go get changed, then if you can wake up we’ll hop on the bus to the mall.”

Max nods, slowly and starts nursing her untouched orange juice, slipping back into her daydream of what things would have been like if they could have stayed.  _ Maybe I could have followed Chloe to Blackwell? Pfft, as if. They don’t have a photography program and my grades suck. Still, it would be so awesome just to hang out with her every day. _

Her father’s voice intrudes on her thoughts, it’s hushed and in the next room, but she can hear it.

“So how have you been holding up Joyce?”

“It’s… been tough, Ryan.”

“I can imagine, again, I’m sorry we had to move. There wasn’t much choice.”

“I know, the world’s gone to hell and you were caught out. At least your dad gave you this wonderful house.”

“Yeah, I can’t thank him enough. But he’d probably tell me to shut up, and that he’s happy in the Florida sun.”

Max finds herself creeping close to the wall between the kitchen and the den despite herself. Her parents always keep these kinds of conversations away from her.

“I can imagine!”

“But seriously Joyce, how are you managing all by yourself?”

“Well I… I’m not  _ all _ by my lonesome.”

“Oh?”

“There’s been… a man. Comes to the diner a lot. Came in not longer after… you know. I just… I don’t know, it’s easy to talk to him. He knows what it’s like to lose someone too.”

“Oh yeah?”

“… Yeah, he lost a friend overseas. Don’t talk about it much, but he at least knows the pain.”

“I’m glad you have someone to talk to at least. What’s this fellow’s name?”

“David, David Madsen. He’s a real sweetheart. Just trying to find his feet after getting discharged.”

“I think we’re all trying to find our feet Joyce. I’m just lucky I was able to land this job before things got really bad.”

“How’s Vanessa been managing?”

“It’s been rough, she’s way overqualified for what she’s working now but at least it’s something.”

Chloe’s thunderous footfalls block out anything more she might hear. “Come ON Maxipants! We gotta get going! The bus schedule here  _ sucks! _ ”

“Whooooooa, damn. This is a big city mall alright.”

Max rolls her eyes and punches Chloe’s shoulder. “You’ve travelled more than I have!”

Chloe punches back. “Yeah, but this place is sweet! And we rode a fucking  _ monorail _ here.”

Max laughs and shoulder bumps Chloe as they walk. “Since when is  _ Chloe Price _ such a tourist?”

“Ugh, fine. Where’s your stupid camera shop?”

Max purses her lips as she finds the directory, her finger tracing over the lines until she finds it at least. “Uh… Fourth floor. On the far side.”

“Ooooof course your store is on the  _ far side. _ ”

Max crosses her arms and pouts, less because she’s really mad, but because it makes Chloe’s cheeks go red again. “It’s not  _ my _ store. I didn’t put it there just to mess with you.”

She gets the desired reaction from Chloe, who goes all red before flinging her hands up in the air. “Fine! Let’s go get some film so you can do your thing. Then it’s Hot Topic time.”

Max raises an eyebrow. “What are you going to get there? It’s not like we’ve got enough Christmas money to get any shirts.”

Chloe laughs as they start climbing the stairs. “I wanna get some studs and stuff for that hoodie you got me. Maybe like an arm band or something. It’s gonna be fucking  _ sweeeet _ .”

Max has to dodge to the side of a man hurrying down the steps in the opposite direction and Chloe grabs her back out of the flow of opposite traffic before she bumps into anyone. “Going full in on the punk stuff?”

“Oh hell yeah! It’s like… the only music I can stand anymore.”

“Oh yeah? What ever happened to country?”

“I did  _ not _ like country!”

“You listened to it all the time!”

“Yeah, with my  _ dad. _ ”

“… Oh. Sorry.”

Chloe sighs as they round the third floor. “It’s… fine. Sorry for being such a fucking downer all the time.”

“You’re not, it’s been so good seeing you again.”  _ And so, so confusing.  _ She does her best to give Chloe a huge smile, despite her own doubts about what happened that morning.

Chloe grins, just slightly, but at least she’s not moping. “It’s been so good seeing you again too… you  _ goop _ .”

With that, she’s laughing and taking the steps two at a time.

“Hey! Wait up!”

“Better catch up!”

“Not fair Chloe!”

“So fair!”

She reaches the fourth floor, panting and her vision swimming a little bit. Chloe grabs her elbow and helps her steady herself. “Whoa there, you nearly fell over. You okay?”

“PE… was… never… my subject….”

Chloe rolls her eyes but helps her move to a miraculously unused bench amidst all the hustle and bustle of post Christmas shopping. “That’s because you seriously don’t eat enough.”

Max nods, trying to catch her breath. It takes a few tries and her lungs burn. “Alex says it’s because of my anxiety…”

Chloe nods, her arm once again wrapping around Max’s shoulders and holding her tight in, as if there’s something she needs to protect Max from. “Alex is your therapist, yeah?”

“Yeah, she’s pretty great… She talked to my parents about getting me on some medication, but we don’t have insurance right now…”

Chloe nods, slowly. “I hope they don’t mess you up or anything if you do get them.”

Max snorts, her vision back to normal but just enjoying the closeness. “No way. I’m staying me.”

“Damn right, there’s only one Max Caulfield.”

She snorts again. “There was another one you know!”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah, got some flying medal from the British back in world war one.”

“Daaaaaamn. That’s one hell of a legacy.”

“Yeah, well. I just want to do photography.”

Chloe grins and gives her a gentle squeeze. “And you’re gonna be fucking  _ amazing _ . One day  _ we’ll _ go to Paris and it’ll be your photographs up in a gallery.”

Despite the nice words, she winces.  _ They should be going on that trip, fuck that drunk driver. _ “I need to get some film first before I can make it big.”

“Fiiiiiine.”

They sit at the food court, shopping completed and sucking down fast food fries. “I’d declare this a successful voyage for Captain Bluebeard and Long Max Silver. We got some _ fiiiiiiine  _ booty.”

Max nearly does a spit take. “You are such a child!”

Chloe winks and steals a fry from Max’s tray, only for Max to steal one right back. “Nah, I’m older than you.”

Max rolls her eyes and flicks an errant piece of shredded lettuce at her Captain, who ably dodges. “You’re the one who keeps bringing up our pirate phase.”

Chloe snorts and scarfs down a nugget. “And you’re the one who eats it up! When you’re having a really bad attack all I gotta say is ‘Captain’s orders’ to get you breathing again.”

Max sighs, trying to ignore the slight warmth in her cheeks. “It… It helps, okay?”

Chloe’s features freeze for a moment. “Hey… I’m not like, making fun of you or anything, okay? I’m actually really happy I can help you with that stuff.”

Max nods, but another sigh escapes her lips. “Yeah, just… you shouldn’t have to do it.”

She gets a wince. “Fuck, is that thing Eliot said bugging you? I’m such an idiot for telling you that. It’s so not true Max. When I help you I get to forget the shitty stuff, even if it’s just for a little bit.”

Max opens her mouth to reply, before stopping dead. Her eyes locked up in a death glare from across the food court. It takes her mouth a few moments to remember how to work. “O-oh no… Flint’s here. We gotta go!”

Too late, he’s already barrelling down the aisles of tables, murder in his eyes. Chloe spins around before looking back at Max. “That’s  _ him _ ?”

Max nods, but her reply is lost when he shouts.

“MOUSE!”

She can already feel her throat seizing up, her chest constricting as she closes the inches. “You ruined my fucking Christmas!”

“W-what?”

“My parents  _ grounded _ me. No gifts! Because you get to keep your stupid cell phone!”

Chloe steps out in between them, shoulders back, head high. “Hey, you’re Flint, right?”

Flint stops dead, his rage paused in a moment of confusion. “Uh, yeah?”

Chloe sticks out her hand, and Max forgets how to breath.  _ What is she doing?! _ “Heard a lot about you.”

His angry features get more confused and he glances down at her hand. “What’s it to ya?”

“I’m Chloe. Chloe Price.”

He gets more confused, his eyes darting from her face, to her hand, then to Max and back again. “I don’t know you.”

“And I don’t know you. Isn’t it good manners to shake someone’s hand when you meet them, Flint?”

Flint nods and slowly extends his hand and starts to shake her hand. “Uh… Yeah, I guess. I’m Flint Web-”

It feels like slow motion kicks in as Chloe tugs on his hand while her knee shoots up and collides into his groin. The shock and surprise blaze in neon on his face as he starts to double over, a cry of pain forming on his lips.

Chloe twists, her free hand now a fist as it collides with his temple as she yells something. Max has no idea what, her breathing isn’t working and her vision is going dark, like she’s watching things on a TV with bad reception.

What she does hear though is the dull, almost wet, thunk as his head collides with the corner of a table, and Chloe screaming at her to grab her stuff and run. She does it almost automatically, collecting their precious post Christmas booty before running as fast as her wobbly legs can take her. Chloe catches up quickly, and before Max can react, she grabs both the bag with her camera  _ and _ their haul. With the load lightened she goes even faster.

Barreling down the stairs and out the doors into the street, Chloe lets out a whoop of excitement and drags her across the street at the nearest crosswalk. Max nearly collapses against a snowbank, while Chloe cackles madly while she sets down their stuff next to Max.

“Holy fuck! I  _ destroyed _ him!”

Max wants to respond, but all she can do is see the shot. She reaches into her bag with fumbling hands and pulls out her camera, which she’d reloaded with film the first chance she had, and aims it. Chloe doesn’t even seem to notice, she’s too busy fist pumping and congratulating herself. She finds her moment and captures it. Only after the flash goes off does Chloe notice, turning around and grinning.

“You little brat! Let me see!”

Max grins, holding the picture tight. “Let it develop first!”

Chloe groans and plops down on the snowbank with a theatrical flourish. “Fiiiine, if I must.”

Max smiles and holds the picture up. It’s a moment worthy of treasuring, with Chloe’s left foot lodged in the snowbank as she strikes a powerful pose. Her face lit up in jubilant triumph and her right arm held high, the hand balled into a fist. If she was wearing a captain’s coat and tricorn hat, she’d look right at home on the quarter deck, her foot in a railing instead of snowbank, bellowing in triumph at a sundered ship.

That’s her Captain alright.

“Damn, that  _ is _ a good shot.”

Max jumps a bit, only just noticing Chloe’s face next to hers. “T-thanks.”

“I might just have to keep you around. So you can immortalize my moments of glory.”

Max shoulders Chloe before getting back to her feet and carefully slipping the photograph into a dry pocket of her back once it’s off the slushy sidewalk. “Dork. Come on, let’s go home before someone catches us and we get in trouble.

Max looks at her side table, photographs of Chloe posing in her new tops piled high. It’s no studio setup, the lighting isn’t great and Chloe  _ definitely _ isn’t a professional model. But it all comes together to feel just right. She hums to herself as she waits for Chloe to finish her shower, sorting the ones she’s going to put up on her wall from the ones she’s going to put in an album for Chloe. It’s not like she’ll be able to afford a Birthday present, but a photo album of this special Christmas will be perfect.

Photographs sorted and the album selections carefully tucked away in her sock drawer, she’s left twiddling her thumbs until Chloe barges through the door, full of her usual bluster and bravado. Max can’t help but laugh as she poses triumphantly in the doorway. “Chloenstien, savour of Super Max is here!”

“Oh my goooood!”

Chloe smirks and closes the door behind her before leaning against it. “You love it, don’t lie.”

Max’s laughter turns into some quiet giggling before she sighs. “I mean, it was pretty awesome watching you beat him up like that.”

“I bet he’ll never mess with your scrawny ass again, or I’ll have to come back here and put him in the hospital.”

Max nods, slowly, trying not to think of worst-case scenarios.  _ Why didn’t he try to chase us? _ “I’d rather not have to start visiting you in jail.”

“Ugh, fine.”

Chloe pauses, her bluster deserting her as she glances between the two beds.  _ Oh… Oh! _ “Are you… worried about having more nightmares?”

Chloe pauses before solemnly nodding. The sheer vulnerability in the gesture takes her breath away and her chest fills with the quickly becoming all too common butterflies.

“We can sleep together, I don’t mind.”

Chloe’s face flickers in amusement, and Max braces herself for the obvious joke.

The moment hangs there, stretching out before she gets another nod. “O-okay. Just… put your head by my shoulder or something, the girls are  _ seriously _ sore.”

Max snorts and rolls her eyes. “You and your growth spurts.”

“Well  _ one _ of us has got to be tall.”

“Jerk!”

Chloe smirks before flicking out the lights. Max shuffles over to make room and she hears Chloe shuffling over by the other bed.  _ Is she not going to? _

Her answer comes in the form of a pillow smacking into her gut. “Hey!”

“Whaaaat! Your pillow is tiny. I need to double it up.”

Max huffs before putting the pillow on top of her own. It doesn’t take long to feel the pressure of Chloe joining her on the twin sized bed. She shuffles over as best she can to accommodate before nestling into Chloe’s side and resting her head above her collar bone.

“This good?”

“… Y-yeah.”

The trepidation in her tone makes her heart skip a beat. The proximity was already enough to fill her body with warm tingles, but there’s just something in her voice that puts it all into overdrive. A few moments later, Chloe’s arm wraps around her body and gently squeezes her for a moment.

“A-are you okay with this? Seriously, I can just go to the other bed.”

She has to swallow away the sudden lump in her throat. “Y-yeah. I offered.”

“Just… making sure.”

She  _ wants _ to say that they’ve been sleeping in the same bed since they were little, that they’ve cuddled up like this to watch movies all the time.

But not like this.

_ Never  _ like this.

_ Everything is so crazy different now and I don’t know what to say anymore. Like… I dunno, is she scared of something? _

“Good night Chloe.”

“Night Max.”

She feels Chloe shift slightly under her, the arm that had been holding her moving to lightly brush at her hair, now that it was free from her habitual ponytail.  _ I want to ask her but… what if I’m reading things that aren’t there? Or if I’m just overthinking things? Maybe if I can just get some sleep, I’ll be able to think about this clearly… _

She shifts her head, and lets the steady thump-thump of Chloe’s heart lull her off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was this ever a chapter! I hope everyone enjoyed it and as always please, keyboard smash in the comments if you enjoyed it.
> 
> A huge thanks to Kay, [Blue](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bluekip), [Vulpixels](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChasingVulpixels/pseuds/ChasingVulpixels), Olga and my always super wonderful fiance for betaing this.
> 
> [ A huge shoutout to Blu for doing fanart of this, if you want to commission a piece from her, follow the link.](https://blusthings.tumblr.com/post/624178237972545536/message-me-if-youre-interested-things-i-will)


	10. Moments Pass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chloe takes a chance.

For yet another night in the Caulfield house, Chloe can’t sleep. Tina’s words buzz around in her brain like a swarm of pissed off hornets.

_Don’t hurt her._

_Don’t hurt her._

_Don’t hurt her._

Chloe had never been afraid of hurting Max before; she’d always looked out for her. She’d always protected her best friend. But here, with Max dozing peacefully on her chest, her hand half clutching at her shirt, it was all she could think of.

_I’m pretty sure Max is into me after… whatever that was today._

_FUCK. What do I do? I don’t want to fuck this up._

_Oh god her family is going to murder me._

_Fuck, just my luck to crush on my best friend of like forever. I bet Dad would be laughing his ass off._

She looks down at Max again, reaching over with her free hand to brush a strand of hair out of her sleeping face. _Fuck, I’m such a disaster._

_Maybe if she hadn’t moved I would do something, but how the hell do you date someone who lives four hours away from you?_

She sighs and rests her head back into the pillow, trying to find some way to quiet her mind. _I’m holding Max’s heart in my hand…. If I tell her no, I break her heart and her family kills me. If I tell her yes, and I can’t hold it together because I’m such a fuckup, I’ll hurt her._

_God growing up sucks._

_I wish Dad was here, he’d tell me what to do._

She clamps her jaw shut to keep from sobbing as tears start spilling down her cheeks. _Fuck I’d give anything to have him here._

She buries her head into Max’s hair, letting it absorb her tears as she cries herself to sleep.

When her eyes open, Max’s smiling face is gazing up at her. “Morning sleepyhead.”

 _Shit, right, sleeping together again._ “Uh, hey.”

“Did you sleep well?”

She shifts under Max, suddenly extremely aware of the way she is laying on top of her. “I don’t remember any nightmares.”

Max flashes her a blinding smile. “Awesome!”

 _Fuck I want to kiss her._ “Yeah, er, thanks.”

“So…”

Chloe blinks a few times to clear the mothballs out of her still half asleep brain. “Yeah?”

“Yesterday…”

 _Oh fuck, she’s going to want to talk about it. Shit shit shit shit shit._ “Yeah, I kicked his ass real good. No need to keep thanking me.”

Max laughs and playfully swats Chloe’s shoulder. “Yeah, you’re a regular Karate Kid. No, I meant… you know.”

“O-oh…”

Her playful grin melts into a worried face that makes Chloe’s heart ache and a lump lodges firmly in her throat. “Did… I mess up?”

 _Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck._ “N-no. You didn’t.”

“Then why didn’t you…”

Chloe winces, so much of her had been hoping to avoid the discussion entirely and just keep coasting until she was back in Arcadia where she could think without having to look Max in the eye.

_Don’t hurt her._

_But what if I get hurt?_

_How could Max hurt me?_

“Didn’t I what?”

“Kiss me back.”

She takes a long, deep breath, trying to buy more time to sort out the maelstrom of confusing and guilt ridden thoughts. “I just…”

“You just?”

“I’m just scared.”

Max’s face twists with worry and she pulls away from Chloe to prop herself up on her side. She immediately misses the weight of her friend’s body. “ _You_ ’re scared? Since when is Chloe scared of anything?”

 _Since my dad died and I almost lost you forever._ “I-I don’t want to hurt you.”

The worry on Max’s face morphs into confusion. “Hurt me?”

There’s another pesky lump in Chloe’s throat as she speaks. “Y-yeah. I don’t want to fuck this up and being in different cities…”

“O-oh. Right… We did say we were going to wait until we went to college together.”

“Y-yeah.”

Max drums her fingers against the bed as she gets the look Chloe knows as ‘Max is way overthinking things’. _Not that I can really complain, that’s all I’ve been doing since that Christmas kiss…_

“What if… we try being a thing when we’re in the same place?”

Chloe blinks a few times as she tries to figure out the implications, but she’s still only mostly awake and it takes a minute. “How… would that even work?”

Max bites down on her lower lip. “I don’t know.”

She sighs, pressing her head back into the pillow so she can look somewhere other than those beautiful blue eyes. “I mean, what do you want Max?”

“I don’t know that either, I just…”

“Yeah?”

She hears Max shuffling on the bed and that freckled face slides into view. “I want to… do things with you. Kiss you and stuff. It’s so crazy but I just want more and more.”

“I know what you mean. But I just don’t want to fuck up and hurt you. I can’t lose you.”

Max’s voice is soft and gentle as she rests her head next to Chloe’s on the pillow, one arm wrapping around Chloe. “You’re not going to lose me. Pirates forever.”

She can’t help but snort slightly. Her chest tingles at the contact and she wants to turn her head and kiss Max again, but the anxiety eats away at her. “Yeah, pirates forever…. But what if I fuck up and hurt you? What if being apart just hurts too much?”

Max sighs and her forehead presses into Chloe’s shoulder. “I know, I’m scared too… but that doesn’t make me want things any less.”

_Fuck, this is so weird. Since when am I the one all chickenshit?_

_Since dad died and I’m afraid of losing her._

_Fuck._

“So…”

“I… dunno.”

Chloe closes her eyes, trying to quiet the ball of nervous energy that her heart had become. “What if… we just do the things we want to do, but don’t try… dating until college like we talked about?”

She keeps her eyes shut. If Max looks upset, she doesn’t want to see it. “But what if one of us finds someone else before then?”

Chloe winces as she imagines some person at whatever high school Max starts at in the fall stealing her away. _At least then I’m not going to hurt her…_ “I... we talked about this on the phone.”

Max hums and Chloe peaks an eye open to see her once again lost in thought. “… Why is this stuff so hard?”

Chloe snorts and turns her head to look at her best friend. “Because shit hit the fan.”

She gets a nod and a wistful sigh. “I wish I hadn’t moved, this would be a lot easier.”

“Yeah, then we’d have to tell our parents that we’re… ya know.”

“Gay?”

“Yeah.”

 _Dad, I really could use you right about now_ … She bites the inside of her cheek to keep from crying and turns her face back towards the ceiling. 

Max hums softly to herself some more and Chloe can feel her shift closer in the bed before she speaks. “I don't know if I’m ready to tell them yet. I’m not sure if I’m even gay...”

“Yeah… I’m still not sure either…”

“Do… you like any other girls?” Max asked.

Chloe opens and closes her mouth a few times before sighing. “Like… there are some that are kind of cute?”

“Oh yeah? Like who?”

 _Fuck, way to put a girl on the spot Max._ “I mean there’s this girl in my chemistry class named Nadine who’s kinda cute, and a girl named Stephanie who hangs out at the skate park sometimes. Oh, and there’s another girl named Rachel, but like half the school is in love with her. But I don’t feel like this about them. This is… different.”

Max hums some more, her hand brushing against Chloe’s forearm in a way that makes the hair on her neck stand on end. “Not a lot of boys on that list…”

Chloe drums her fingers on her stomach, trying to get the nervousness under control. “N-no. What about you?”

Max stops her humming. “… No. I’m just… not interested in anybody except for you.”

Chloe rolls over onto her side so she can get her First Mate to tell that to her while looking her in the eye. “Come on Max, I told you mine!”

Max’s eyes go wide as she shrinks back a bit. “I’m totally cereal! I’m, like, not interested in anybody here.”

“Oh my god, you did not just say that you’re cereal.”

“Whaaaat, Kristen says it all the time.”

Chloe groans and rolls her eyes. _I hope she doesn’t pick up any more stupid slang._ “Fine, you’re not interested in anyone but me I guess. Way to put pressure on a girl.”

Max giggles and grins. “What can I say? There’s only one Chloe Price.”

“Damn right.”

Max shuffles a bit closer still, Chloe feels her warm breath rolling over her cheeks, those hopeful blue eyes looking up at her. “So… what do you say?”

_Don’t hurt her._

The twinkle in Max’s eyes makes her chest explode in tingles, and before she knows what she’s doing she darts forwards to plant a quick kiss on Max’s lips. Her lips tingle as she pulls back to see her reaction, only for Max to surge forwards and kiss her like her life depended on it. 

Their meeting suffuses her with warmth, spreading out from the contact to her face, down her neck and through her core. As Max presses, Chloe pushes back into it, giving into the insane feelings she’d held back the previous morning. After a month of hell and nothing feeling right, this does. It feels like she’s finally come home again as Max tilts her head and the kiss deepens further still. For a brief, wonderful moment, Chloe feels whole in a way she hasn’t since that fateful day.

_I could stay here forever, fuck Arcadia Bay. Fuck Blackwell. Fuck all of it. This is all I want._

She lets her eyes shut, basking in the kiss, her arms wrapping around Max and pulling her slender frame closer. Max presses against her, pushing Chloe onto her back and rolling on top of her with it. The weight of her makes Chloe’s skin prickle, the way that Max presses down into her sparks a small fire in her gut.

Max tries a little tongue and Chloe’s head spins with the intensity of it all. Max grips her shirt collar and pushes down.

Down.

Down.

Down.

Chloe is just along for the ride at this point, her hands roaming over Max’s back before resting her on her hips as Max wants more and more and more.

And Chloe has no idea what she’s doing anymore.

And she doesn’t fucking care.

Because this is so _right._

Kissing her in the closet had felt right.

Holding her tight after that long bus ride had felt so right.

Max’s gift to her in the middle of the night had felt so right.

The way Max had hovered over after the tickle fight had felt so right.

_Don’t hurt her._

_I can’t stop this without hurting her, so…_

Max’s tongue probes again, and this time Chloe meets it with her own and her world melts down to that exhilarating contact. Her brain short circuits as Max starts making little noises as their tongues push together, her hands moving up from Max’s hips to hold her head and pull her even deeper into the kiss.

Time stops mattering.

Max’s parents in the next room don’t matter.

Joyce leaving in a couple hours definitely doesn’t matter.

All that matters is this kiss.

So, she keeps going long after her lungs have started burning for air, long after her brain is completely addled by whatever is coursing through it. Her skin burns hot, her core feels like it’s on fire and her skin crackles with electricity.

It’s only Max’s alarm clock that brings them both up for air and they stare at each other, wide eyed and panting. _Holy shit. We actually just made out. And it was the best fucking feeling in the world._ Max breaks their locked gazes as she flails to turn off the alarm so they’d remember to get up in time to see Joyce off. With the annoyance silenced after a few flailing attempts, Max turns her gaze back to Chloe.

The softness in that smile and gentleness in her gaze make Chloe forget how to breathe. One slender hand tenderly cups her cheek and time stands still.

She feels the words hanging in the air, yet unspoken.

Three little words that will bring this façade of distance crashing down.

The words her traitorous heart longs to hear, but that she knows will end up with one or both of them hurt.

But they go unsaid.

And their lips crash together once more, whatever this is, it’s intoxicating and Chloe is definitely an addict.

This kiss is cut short by a knock on the door and Vanessa’s voice. “Girls, time to get up.”

Max tears her mouth free, her disappointment written plainly on her face. “We’re getting ready!”

With a sigh, her… friend (Is friend even the right word anymore?) rolls off of her and Chloe is left panting and red-faced on the bed.

_Holy shit._

_That was…_

_Why can’t I stop staring at Max’s butt?_

_Fuck._

_I’m definitely so, SO gay._

The redness in her cheeks doesn’t fade as Max starts changing into day clothes, and Chloe has to turn herself to face away. _I think my heart might explode if I keep looking._

She hears a soft giggle a minute or so later. “It’s okay, I’m dressed now.”

Chloe rolls over only to be caught by another quick kiss that leaves her spluttering with surprise. Max darts back, a mischievous grin on her face.

“So not fair, Max!”

Max giggles as Chloe surges up from the bed, grabs her shoulders and tugs her into another kiss.

It’s about when Chloe pulls back from the kiss and sees just how wide Max is smiling that it really hits what she’s done.

 _Fuck I’m in love with Max and we’re not just friends anymore. Oh god, we’re like… a_ thing _now. Aren’t we? I kind of want us to be, but also… fuck._

Max just smiles sweetly and kisses her nose. “Better get dressed quick.”

Chloe finally hauls herself out of bed, not even bothering to change out of her pajamas and just pulling on some pants. As she wiggles her hips into them she turns to face Max. _Oh man, she’s so cute when her face is all red like that. I think my heart is going to explode._   
“Soooo…”

Max nods for her to continue as she waits by the door.

 _Fuck, I’ll just spit it out._ “I guess we’re not _just_ best friends anymore.”

Max purses her lips and taps a finger on her chin. “Yeah, I guess we’re more than that now. But not dating?”

She finishes getting her pants on before finding an elastic and a brush for Max’s messy hair. “Yeah, not dating until we can be… _together_ together.”

Max turns and lets Chloe start brushing the tangled mess.   
“I guess we’re like… friends with, I dunno, perks?”

Chloe has to literally bite down on her tongue to keep from laughing, and her cheeks burn bright. After a few breaths to compose herself so she doesn’t have to explain what ‘friends with benefits’ is to Max. “Y-yeah. And we’ll keep this a secret between pirates.”

Max snickers. “Yarrrr, yer secret be mine Cap’n Bluebeard.”

Chloe rolls her eyes and gives Max a playful smack on the head before gathering Max’s hair up into a ponytail and tying it off. “Dork. Let’s go say goodbye to mom.”

Max laughs and skips to the door. “Fiiiiine. Then we get to go hang out with Fernando and Kristen!”

Chloe gets to her feet and follows, doing her level best to keep her eyes from wandering over her friend turned crush. _God, stop being such a perv!_ _  
_ “Yeah, and then you’ve gotta show me around town, for real!”

“I’ve barely had a chance to go explore it myself!”

Chloe follows Max down the stairs. “Well then we gotta go do that!”

Once they hit the main floor, Joyce leans out of the atrium and gives them a smile. “No gettin’ in trouble now, ya hear? Don’t think I don’t see the bruise on your knuckles sweetheart.”

Chloe flinches and takes a look at her hand where the angry purple of a fresh bruise is plain to see. Max pipes up before she can say anything though. “Sorry Joyce, we ran into a guy who bullies me at school at the mall…”

Joyce wraps an arm around Chloe before tugging her into a hug. “And my little girl just _had_ to give him a fight.”

Chloe squirms in the hug for a moment. “Ugh, moooooom. This guy was basically charging us.”

Her mom chuckles and releases her. “I trust you did the right thing, you never could resist defending Max.”

Ryan’s head pokes out of the kitchen. “And we appreciate it! Honey, was this that Flint guy the principal told us about?”

Max nods and does that thing where she holds an arm while trying to look small. _Fuck Max, you being so cute is not going to help us hide things._ “Y-yeah, he yelled at me and started running over…”

Chloe immediately scoots over to wrap her arm around Max’s shoulders and tug her close. “So I beat him up and we booked it out of there.”

Joyce rolls her eyes and takes her coat out of the closet. “Well no more, okay? You’d better behave.”

Max snorts as Chloe groans. “Fiiiiiiiine. I’ll try.”

“I suppose that’s all I can ask for. Now come here, the both of ya.”

Chloe considers making a big show of not being a little kid anymore and not wanting to hug her mom, but drops it when she sees the happiness and hope in Joyce’s eyes. _I wonder if these feelings will last or will it all go back to shit when I get back to Arcadia?_ Her mother’s arms wrap around her and Max, the three sharing a hug that seems to drag on until Joyce’s phone’s alarm goes off and she has to pull back. “Shoot. Well I need to hit the road or I’ll be late for my shift.”

She leans forwards to plant a kiss to Chloe’s forehead before turning and heading out the door. Chloe shouts out after her, “Bye mom!”

“Bye honey! See you in 2009!”

Max giggles at the joke before heading off towards the inviting smells of breakfast. Chloe stays where she is though, watching her mom pull away.

_What if I never see her again?_

The thought is cold ice. She shakes her head to clear it. _Not gonna happen, she’s been driving crazy carefully since…_ She sags as the family’s remaining car pulls from view and she joins Max for breakfast.

Chloe probably should be paying attention to where she’s going, but all she _can_ focus on is Max’s hand holding hers, tugging her along through the unfamiliar mall. _Oh man, why is my hand so warm? I hope I’m not sweating too much. Oh, fuck what if she thinks my hand is all gross? Wait, will people think we’re girlfriends if they see us holding hands like this?_

A thrill zapped through her chest at the notion of _actually_ being Max’s girlfriend, and in _public_. She still can’t help the anger she feels about Max’s parents moving. She knows they didn’t have much of a choice, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less. She tries to take a few deep breaths to calm as Max’s hand jerks her left and right, winding their way through the loose crowds towards the mall’s food court.

When they do make it, Max pauses and scans around, giving Chloe’s hand a squeeze when she sees them.   
“There they are!”

Chloe’s eyes follow Max’s pointing figure and she spots them easily enough, the garish neon hues are a dead give away. As they approach, the eyesore resolves into a girl about Max’s age, trying her best not to look bored while the short, stocky boy across from her talks excitedly. As they draw near she starts to hear snippets of whatever it is he’s so hyped up about. 

“… Shipment… noobtube…”

 _Oh, he’s yammering about CoD, I really should take Justin up on his offer to play it with him in case some ass needs to get kicked_ . Kristen notices them first, and waves a highlighter yellow clad arm at the two.   
“Max!”

 _Is she wearing glowsticks? Now?!_ Max waves back and tugs Chloe’s hand. _Oh god, she’s not letting go of my hand. Her friends are totally going to know._ As they near, Max tugs her hand free of Chloe’s to give the two a wave. She tries not to dwell on how conflicted she feels and instead also gives a wave while Max shouts over the crowd.   
“Fernando! Kristen!”

Max’s friends both stand up and Max immediately gives them both a hug. When Kristen is free of Max’s arms, she gives Chloe an appraising look.   
“O. M. G! This is Chloe?! Le what the hell Max, she’s nothing like the pictures you showed us!”

Right, Max said she’s kind of internutty. Chloe shrugs, offering the girl a fist bump that was returned.   
“I needed to change things up, ya know?”

Kristen nods enthusiastically while Fernando offers her another fist bump. “It’s cool to meet you dude, Max won’t shut up about you.”

 _Oh god Max, could you be any more obvious._ “She’s been texting me about you two like crazy, but you’re not quite what I expected.”

Fernando’s face sours and he fixes her with a weirdly hostile glare. “What, because I don’t say ‘ese’ all the time?”

Chloe blinks, unsure of what she’d done wrong. “Uh, no. You’re just a little short for a stormtrooper.”

Fernando pauses before busting out laughing. “Hey, fuck you too! Max, you didn’t tell us she was a nerd!”

Max fucking giggles. “Oh she’s a total nerd!”

Chloe can feel her cheeks burning, her front of coolness destroyed. _Betrayed by my own first mate!_ “Hey, just because some of us are good at science doesn’t mean I’m a nerd! I’m the fucking queen of the skatepark!”

The smirk on Max’s face sends a thrill through Chloe’s gut, but Max refrains as Fernando pipes up. “Do you play video games?”

Is that seriously a question? “Uh, yeah dude? Who doesn’t?”

His face lights up. “Do you play Call of Duty at least?”

Oh god he’s gonna get his fucking nerd on. “I kick it more old school but I’ve played it once or twice.”

“Oh dude, I gotta tell you about this match I had last night where I totally carried the fu-”

Kristen sings over top of him. “Do you hear the drums, Fernando?”

His excited grin turns into a scowl as Max picks up the next verse. “I remember long ago another starry night like this.”

Oh shit, right, we listened to this when we found dad’s old records! Chloe manages to remember the next line well enough to chime in. “In the firelight Fernando.”

He clamps his hands over his ears, about to shout in protest but the three caterwall together, “You were humming to yourself and softly strumming your guitar.”

“Fine, FINE! I’ll shut up! God, stop!”

The three girls descend into a giggle fit as Fernando glares at them. As they remember how to breathe, Kristen speaks first.   
“WTF! How did you know that song?! Max never told me how she knew!”

Chloe shrugs, reaching out to tousle Max’s hair as she keeps giggling.   
“Oh my dad had a huge disco phase he was super embarrassed about. We found his old records in the attic and played the shit out of them one summer.”

Max manages to master her giggles. “If I ever have to listen to ABBA again I’m burning down your house!”

Chloe shoulder bumps Max before turning her attention to the neon disaster before her. “So what’s with the getup?”

Kristen grins and waves her glowstick wristbands around.   
“Gotta get ready for le mad raves in highschool, right?”

Chloe raises a questioning eyebrow to Max and Fernando, who both shake their heads in exasperation. “You ever been to a rave?”

Kristen’s lips purse into a frown. “Well, no. I le never get invited to them. I am le forever alone.”

Chloe pointedly looks at the other two. “Okay, we need to have an intervention to get her off ‘I can haz cheeseburgers’ or something.”

Max cringes and Fernando’s eyes go wide as Kristen lets out a snort of derision. “Le what?! Digg is so much better!”

Chloe decides to just drop the issue, this clearly wasn’t something worth talking about. “Do you even know what happens at raves?”

Kristen just shrugs. “I was le _told_ that you ask for someone named Molly.”

Chloe stares at her in shock, fighting to keep the rising giggle fit under control so she doesn’t totally blow the last of her cool facade. “Yeah, sure. Um, weren’t we supposed to go do something Max?”

Max nods excitedly. “Yeah! Let’s go exploring!”

The two Seattle natives roll their eyes before shrugging and Fernando speaks. “Alright, lets go to the tourist traps.”

The day blurs past, first Chloe demands to ride the entire monorail, end to end, just to say she had. Kristen rolls her eyes and mutters something about ‘le tourist noobs’ but that couldn’t dampen her excitement at getting to ride it. Once Chloe had filled her boots, they try the Pacific Science center at Max’s request, although Chloe suspects it was for her benefit, only to find out that they don’t have quite enough money between them for tickets. Max promises Chloe they’d come back another day. The space needle also turns out to be a bust because the clouds are hanging so low, so instead they make their way to the boardwalk.

Max leans against the railing, facing out into the sea and Chloe rests next to her, her body turned to face her. Max sighs and speaks. “I love it on the boardwalk, it reminds me of home and hanging out with you.”

Chloe’s eyes dart to Fernando and Kristen, who are busy bickering further down over something internet-related. “I mean, we did used to spend a lot of time by the pier.”

Max nods a few times before smiling sadly to Chloe. “I miss it. I miss Arcadia Bay and seeing you every day. Every night I just keep wishing we hadn’t moved.”

The words jab in Chloe’s heart and she can feel her cheeks heating up. “I-I miss you too. It’s just not the same without you there. I mean I can hang out with Eliot but he’s not Max freakin’ Caulfield.”

Max giggles and her smile brightens before she turns to face back out to the waters. “Maybe we’d already be like ‘official’ girlfriends if I hadn’t moved.”

Chloe hesitates, giving Max’s friends another nervous glance, but the two are still arguing so she turns her focus back to Max. “I mean, maybe? I’m… pretty messed up right now. Like the Christmas meltdown happens a lot, or I just feel empty.”

_And I don’t want to hurt you._

Max nods some more, her eyes glazing over like they normally dos when she loses herself in her thoughts and anxieties. Chloe lets her mind wander, her eyes flicking back and forth from the two knuckleheads to Max as she waits. After what feels like an eternity Max speaks again. “I’m sorry I keep asking about it, I just…”

“Trust me Max, I want to, so bad.”

“But we can’t right now.”

Chloe sighs as she sees Max’s friends starting to head back towards them. “Yeah, but we still have our… perks, right? And you’re always gonna be my best friend. And I meant what I said about trying when we got to college or something, on my honour as a Captain.”

Max’s melancholic face turns bright again and Chloe’s heart leaps into her throat. “Aye, aye!”

Fernando gives them both a shout. “You two want to hit up the arcade?”

With the last of their Christmas money blown shovelling quarters in cabinets, there isn’t much left to do but say goodbye to Kristen and Fernando and hop on the bus back to Max’s place. Once they were safely away from the eyes of people who knew them, Chloe felt Max’s hand bump against her own. She acts on impulse, taking her hand in her’s, their fingers lacing together.

This feels… right. She glances down at Max, who’s smile up at her is positively radiant. _I never want to let this go. But I have to. Dammit, why did I have to fall so hard for my best friend? A couple months ago I was feeling weird, and now here I am, totally gay for Max._ She tries to keep her mind off William, and how he would be totally understanding and cool with this. But she can’t and her throat starts to burn as she fights to keep her composure. Max gives her hand a squeeze and Chloe focuses on that pressure, the warmth and affection in the simple gesture helping to anchor her against the emotional tides but it’s not enough.

“Chloe, you gotta breathe.”

Chloe nearly bursts out laughing as Max repeats her own advice back to her, but she does as she’s told Max to do so many times. Max squeezes and releases her hand in time as she slows her breathing down. She’s just about got things under control when the bus arrives at their stop and the hop out of the doors.

The open air is a relief and she pauses to finish catching her breath while Max watches her with concern.

“I’m cool Max, I’m cool.”

“O-okay. Did… that set you off?”

Chloe shakes her head as they start walking the couple of blocks back to the Caulfield home. “What? No, I was just… thinking about dad. And what he’d say about…”

“Us?” Max volunteers.

“Yeah. Sorry if I freaked you out. It’s weird being on the other side of it.”

Max giggles and Chloe can’t help noticing the way she glances at her hand. “It’s okay, it was nice to be able to help you for a change.”

Chloe giggles too and before long they’re both giggling up a storm as they walk, trading dumb jokes about how insane Kristen’s clothes were and how Fernando is addicted to video games.

When they round the final bend, the giggling stops and ice floods Chloe’s veins. There’s two police cruisers sitting in the driveway.

 _Mom_.

She bolts for the house, fighting to keep her tears under control as she sprints. Max shouts something after her, but she can’t hear it. She needs to get there, she needs to know.

She burst through the door to find the cops and Max’s parents standing in the hallway. They turn towards her and she manages to get her question out despite the quiver in her voice. “Is… mom okay?”

The cops stared at her, puzzled while Ryan nods. “Yeah, she got home an hour ago. Wait, did you think?”

Chloe nearly collapses and she ends up leaning against the wall as the adrenaline catches up with her. One of the officers, an older woman, bends down in front of her. “Are you Chloe Price?”

She nods, panting to try and suck air back into her lungs. “Y-yeah, that’s me.”

The cop nods and pulls a notebook. “When you’re ready, we’d like to talk to you for a little bit.”

Max finally busts in through the door, gasping for breath. “C-Chloe?!”

Vanessa steps forwards and gives her daughter a hug. “It’s okay Max, nobody’s hurt. The police just want to talk to you two about what happened with your classmate.”

After the girls caught their breath and hot cocoa was made for everyone, the cops asked a few questions about what happened in the mall and about what was going at school with Flint. Chloe had a hard time not fidgeting constantly, and Max kept stuttering any time she had to mention him, but they managed to muddle through it alright. Once the cops were satisfied Max’s parents had a few questions for them.

“So what do you think?”

The other officer, a man named Diaz, shrugs. “It’s not my call , but we’ve got reports from witnesses, the security cameras and the records from school. I don’t think a grand jury will find this as anything other than self defense if the DA even bothers to go that far.”

Chloe sags in her chair with relief and Max reaches over to give her forearm a reassuring squeeze. _Oh man, his head did not make a good sound when he hit the table._   
“I-is he okay? Flint I mean.”

The woman, Megan, shrugs. “We can’t say much, but he’ll live.”

She feels more relief and at this point Chloe just wants to crawl into bed and be left alone for a long time. “C-can I go now?”

The adults all nod and the girls immediately head to Max’s room, Max shuts the door behind them while Chloe collapses on the bed. After a moment Max sits next to her and it’s all she can do to rest her head in her lap before the crying starts. The emotional whiplash and the stress of talking to the cops pour out of her in sobs and tears. Max whispers to her and brushes her hair while she lets it all out, and when those emotions are spent, the flashbacks of the cops arriving with Joyce hit her as well.

She isn’t sure how long she cries, only that her head hurts and that Max gets up to return with plates of cold dinner when she’s done. The pair eat in relative silence; Chloe doesn’t feel up to talking and Max offers a few topics that don’t go anywhere and that she doesn’t really absorb other than that Max’s grandparents have left for Florida and send their goodbyes.

It’s only after eating and having a hot shower that Chloe starts to feel vaguely human again. Max waits for her on the bed as she comes in, arms extended to offer an embrace. It’s not hard to spot that Max is putting on a brave face for her, and she hates that. With the door once again shut, Chloe joins her on the bed, accepting her offer and leaning into it.

“Sorry you had to see me like that.”

Max nuzzles into the top of her head and Chloe closes her eyes, enjoying how the contact makes her skin prickle. “It’s okay, I-I cried too... while you were in the shower.”

Chloe nods and presses herself into Max. “I didn’t want to hurt him, I just… wanted him to leave us alone.”

“Maybe he will, I don’t know.”

At least I didn’t kill him. “I hope so. Do you… wanna watch a movie?”

Max nods against her head and shimmies off the bed to grab her laptop while Chloe starts piling up pillows and blankets for them. With their little nest prepared, Chloe lays down first and Max nestled in close to her, her head finding its place back on her chest. The weight is soothing in ways she doesn’t even know how to describe, and soon her hand is back to playing with Max’s ponytail.

“I wish I didn’t have to go.”

Max nuzzles her chest a little bit while humming softly to herself. “Same, I wish you could just live here, or I could just move back there.”

Chloe plants a gentle kiss on the top of Max’s head, which earns her a small happy sound. “Someday we won’t have to be apart.”

Max yawns and nestles in closer and Chloe can’t help but yawn herself. “I’d like that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew that took entirely too long to write. Between run of the mill writer's block and data loss this was a challenge.
> 
> Thanks to [ChasingVulpixels](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChasingVulpixels/pseuds/ChasingVulpixels) and [Bluekip](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bluekip) for betaing, and to [DMMeeble](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DMMeeble/pseuds/DMMeeble) for letting me bother them with ideas.


	11. New Years

Time.

Time is a problem.

Max doesn’t have enough of it.

She steals every moment she can with Chloe, whenever they are alone their lips meet in a frenzy that grows more frantic as each day passes. It’s intoxicating, it makes her head spin in new and amazing ways. She needs more, she wishes every waking moment could be spent in those lanky arms.

And yet there isn’t enough time.

She feels herself wake, Chloe’s hand stroking over her back like it does almost every morning since they’d really made out.

She refuses to open her eyes as if that’ll help.

Tomorrow Chloe is on a bus back to Arcadia Bay. Back to a quiet, empty home with her mother who is always working and a school full of people who pick on her for being poor.

A gentle sob comes out, shattering her illusion. Chloe freezes mid stroke. “You okay?”

What’s she going to do, lie? “No.”

“Me neither. It’s totally shitty that I have to go back tomorrow.”

Max clutches at Chloe’s night shirt, trying to fight back more sobs. “I wish you didn’t.”

“Same. I wish a lot of things were different.” Chloe sighs, her voice brittle and choked as she gives Max a squeeze.

The two lapse into silence, Max trying and failing to keep tears from rolling down her cheeks, silently cursing herself for not figuring this all out sooner, so she could have had times like this with Chloe before the move.

March seemed like an eternity away. Two and a half months without the smell of Chloe, without her touch, the taste of her lips, the rapid rhythm of her heart, the softness of her chest.

“Maybe I can smuggle you in my suitcase or something, you _are_ small enough.”

The attempt at levity brings Max back a little bit from the emotional brink, and she shifts her head up to look at Chloe. Her eyes are red and puffy, despite her brave face. “I just hope I don’t have to pee or something…”

Chloe giggles softly, her lips twisting into the ghost of a smile that warms Max’s tight chest. She scoots up a little and shares a gentle kiss with Chloe before pulling back. Chloe’s face softens and there’s a faint glimmer of something ineffable in her eyes. It takes her a moment before she finally speaks. “Definitely stealing you.”

Max’s response is another kiss, this one lasts longer, her hands cupping Chloe’s cheeks as she lingers before pulling back and making a satisfied noise. “Sounds great, I’m sure my parents won’t totally freak.”

Chloe pulls Max into another kiss that quickly consumes them, it’s so full of desperate energy that she starts feeling overwhelmed. Not that she’ll stop, if anything she wants more. Being overwhelmed by Chloe’s intensity has always been a staple of her life, but never had she felt such a visceral need for it.

When their lips do part, they’re both red in face and gulping in air, Max’s entire body feels suffused with warmth, she wants to kick off the blankets and do anything to cool down. But that means moving away from Chloe, so she instead clings to her shirt tighter. “This is still…”

“Crazy?” Chloe offers as she finds her own breath, her hands trembling slightly as they rest on Max’s waist.

“Y-yeah… I didn’t expect any of this.”

She lays her head down on Chloe’s chest, listening to the rapid thumpa-thumpa of a hormonal heart in overdrive. A tingle of thrill jolts through her. _I make her feel like this, I make her all excited._ Chloe kisses the top of her head and sighs. “Neither did I. Like, I’d hoped but…”

“But?”

“It’s nothing.”

An all too familiar coldness starts to intrude on the warmth, she lifts her head back up to look at that beautiful face. “Tell me.”

Chloe sighs and Max can tell she’s putting on a brave face. “I really don’t want to go back. I-I don’t want to be alone again.”

“Oh Chloe…” Max breathes as she scoots up and presses her forehead in Chloe’s, “We’re together, even when we’re apart.”

Chloe’s arms wrap around her and hold her tight as she presses her face into Max’s shoulder and starts quietly sobbing. Max coos to her gently, trying her best to reassure her, while her own anxiety creeps up to the surface. _What if this makes it worse for both of us when she goes back? Did I push her too hard? What if being apart is too much, and I ruined everything?_ She squeezes her eyes shut. _Breathe, gotta breathe._

She starts doing her breathing exercises, and she can feel Chloe doing the same under her, matching her rhythm. If it’s to help her, or if she’s helping Chloe, she can’t tell, but after a few minutes they’re both just lying there, holding each other in silence.

It’s blissful.

Peaceful even.

_I could stay like this all day. Just cuddle until she has to go tomorrow. I’d love that._

_Crap I need to pee._

She tries to fight it, and the rising hunger in her stomach, but the entropy of the morning is irresistible. With a sigh, she lifts up from Chloe’s embrace and slips out from under the covers, mumbling the reason half-heartedly. “Bathroom.”

Chloe’s hand lingers on her waist as she gets up from the bed, and she hesitates to break the contact. She wants to say those three little words. _If I say them, will I make this worse? Could they make it better? Whatever this is, I don’t want to lose it. But will that mean telling my parents I’m gay? What if they try to keep me away from Chloe, or don’t let us sleep in the same room again?_

She moves before Chloe will notice she’s being weird, unless she already has. She hears some rustling down in the kitchen but the bathroom is thankfully free. With a pause, she looks at herself in the mirror.

_How can Chloe like me? I look like such a dork._

She shakes her head, splashing a little cold water on her face to get the flush out of her cheeks before using the bathroom.

When she comes back, she finds Chloe nestled up under the covers, which she invitingly lifts. “Coming back?”

She can feel the flush creeping back into her cheeks as she gently shuts the door. “Yeah.”

The day flies by despite her best efforts. Time just keeps rolling forwards as the pair breathlessly make out, Max’s parents having left them home alone for most of the day as they gather party supplies.

Max tries to make sure every kiss counts, every gentle groan or even moan they make something she treasures.

She wants to take pictures of these moments, of how red in the face Chloe is when they come up for air, of the sparkling mischief in those blue eyes and cocky grin.

She doesn’t though, her parents finding them is not something she’s ready for. If she’s ever going to be ready to come out.

So she just throws herself at Chloe, if nothing else, there’s no way she could forget these moments, forget just how much she means to Max. She needs these kisses to last months when they only have minutes. She needs them to count and carry them both through their time apart.

It doesn’t feel like enough.

  
  


“Are you two seriously still in pajamas?” Vanessa asks with a scoff, “It’s almost three in the afternoon for Pete’s sake!”

Chloe affects a sheepish posture, rubbing the back of her head while Max hopes her face isn’t still all red. “Sorry Mrs. C, my bad. I wanted to watch movies…”

Ryan laughs that big, booming belly laugh of his. “Blade Runner again, no doubt. Are you trying to give my daughter nightmares?”

“I don’t get nightmares!” Max whines, throwing a pillow at her dad.

“We’ll let you two get changed and then we’ll all have a late lunch, okay?”

“Sounds good, Mrs. C.”

“Sure thing, Mom.”

The door closes and Max lets out an audible sigh of relief and disappointment. Chloe groans with her. “Guess we gotta get up, huh?”

Max grumbles at Chloe’s question, the hours spent in each other’s arms already feeling like a fleeting memory.

_I need a picture._

Wordlessly she grabs her camera off of her nightstand before turning and pressing her lips into Chloe’s again. “Not just yet…”

Chloe eagerly returns the kiss, but Max quickly breaks it, before moving to try something she’s been meaning to try for a few days now. Her lips meet Chloe’s neck, causing the other girl to shiver slightly and earning her a soft groan. _Yes! Score one for Super Max!_

She doesn’t have long to work with, so she goes at it hard, showering that neck in kisses before pulling back and taking her shot.

She doesn’t even have to wait for it to develop to know if it’s a good shot or not. She can tell just by looking at Chloe, her new brown hair an utter mess, her jaw slightly slack, her face totally red and her eyes filled with a potent cocktail of emotions she can only start guessing at.

She hides the photograph in a drawer for the moment, making a mental note to tack it to the underside or something to hide it. When she’s done she gets up from the bed, and heads over to her dresser. “Now we can go.”

They’ve got changing down now, facing away from each other. Max wants to turn, she wants to look. It’s still weird and uncertain. A few months ago they changed in front of each other no problem. But now?

Did her perks extend to looking at her like that?

She wants to, she wants to look, to touch and feel things she barely even understands. She wants it to just be her and Chloe, no barriers, no worrying about what anyone else thinks.

But that’s not how things are. Her anxiety is there, coiling through her, whispering in her ear.

_It’ll fall apart when Chloe leaves._

_She’ll hate you for pushing her into this when you can’t really be there._

_She’ll replace you with someone who is._

She straightens her right hand for a karate chop, then starts tapping the fingers of her left against the blade of the hand, like her therapist taught her. The voice quiets enough where she can push those thoughts down, focus on actually getting dressed.

“All good?” Asks Chloe, her voice wavering slightly like it always does when they’re changing.

Max tugs her jeans up and into place. “Yeah.”

  
  


The rest of the day, Max spends wishing to just be back in her room with Chloe. She tries not to steal too many glances at her, but when their eyes do meet she can’t keep the smile off her face. The smile only Chloe gets, the one where she feels herself palpably relaxing, her stress draining away in those lively blue eyes.

And time keeps on marching. They watch a movie to pass the time. Max has no idea what movie it is, all she can think about is the respectful distance on the couch between her and Chloe. How much she just wants to curl up in those arms and forget about the world for a few more hours.

But no, she can’t.

If her parents knew, everything would change. They wouldn’t be allowed to just be Max and Chloe anymore. There would have to be labels.

There would have to be rules.

And it would all just get in the way of whatever it is they have.

Max hopes it’s love.

Dinner is mostly Max’s parents asking Chloe about Blackwell, where she gives non-committal answers about anything that isn’t chemistry.

It’s all just wasting time she doesn’t have anymore.

Every passing minute where she’s not making new memories with Chloe is agony as they slip through her fingers.

Her parents ask her if she’s alright, and she just says she’s bummed Chloe is leaving. Her dad nods sagely and her mom says that it’ll be okay, she’ll see her again soon.

Not soon enough.

Never soon enough.  
  


The house is packed with people she barely knows. Mostly her parents' coworkers who probably didn’t have anyplace better to be. It’s too loud, there’s too many people, she keeps losing track of Chloe and the voice in her ear keeps getting louder and louder.

She isn’t sure when she loses it, but well before midnight she’s back in her room. Her chest is too tight. Her hands are shaking. She’s crying. Her breathing exercises aren’t coming, she’s just blanking as she rocks back and forth in her bed.

She’s dimly aware of the door opening and closing. Of arms around her. Her vision is so narrow. Her heart is pounding in her ears, she hears someone talking. She tries to focus on the sound. It slowly registers to her that it’s Chloe, telling her to breathe like she always does.

“Come on, Max!”

She manages to turn her head and look up at her. _She looks scared._ She reaches out a trembling hand and wipes a few tears from Chloe’s cheek.

_Oh my captain._

_“_ Max, please, breathe with me.” Her tone is almost pleading and Max nods.

“Oh thank god. Come on, in…”

Max leans into her and breathes with her, using feel instead of words to tell her how. She loses count of how long it takes for her to get her breathing back under control, but when she does, she just feels tired and sad.

“I-I’m sorry…”

“Hey, hey, no.” Chloe tugs her into her lap and holds her tight. Max tucks her head in under her chin and clings to her like she’ll fall back into the abyss if she lets go.

She probably will.

“You don’t have anything to be sorry about, okay?”

“Yeah but… this is our last night together a-and I wanted it to be…”

“Special?”

“Yeah…” Max pulls back to look up at her. It’s obvious that Chloe is doing her best to keep from crying anymore. “Y-you’re my captain and I’m just… I’m just a mess.”

“We’re both a mess, okay? But _this_ is special. Being here, with you, helping you. It’s special to me.”

She watches more tears roll down Chloe’s cheeks and feels more wetness on her own. Her throat burns and she mashes her face back into Chloe’s neck, holding onto her as tight as she can.

She wants to say the words, say what she feels like she’s supposed to be saying in this moment.

It’s only three little words, what harm can they do?

A lot, probably.

So she just clings to Chloe, hoping to say with her body what she’s afraid to say with her lips. Chloe holds her just as tight, her head buried into Max’s hair.

It’s not the night she’d hoped to have with Chloe, one of sneaking off together and making out, but somehow it’s just as wonderful to be in her arms, sharing whatever this moment is.  
  


They’re still holding each other when a chorus shakes the house. “10!”

Max pulls back and looks up into Chloe’s eyes. The final seconds are slipping away from her.

“9!”

She reaches up a hand to touch Chloe’s cheek, her thumb gently brushing over that soft skin.

“8!”

Chloe gazes back at her, eyes shimmering and her mouth working like she wants to say something.

“7!”

Max feels the same, words and emotions churn in her mind and body, looking for forms she doesn’t understand or feel ready to give them.

“6!”

She still has so much she wants to do. So much she wants to say.

“5!”

If she could make a moment last forever, it’s this one.

“4!”

Just the two, in each other’s arms, on the cusp of being so much more than the best friends they are.

“3!”

She just needs more time. Time she doesn’t have.

“2!”

So she’ll just have to make do with what she has.

“1!”

Their lips meet. There’s none of the tentativeness of their first kiss, the tender exploration of their second or the crazy emotions in their third. This kiss is desperate energy and passion, their whole bodies pressing together and their lips feverishly mashing, teeth bumping and even tongue.

“HAPPY NEW YEAR!”

They don’t even pause to ring in the new year, this kiss is everything. She tries to pour all the feelings and words she can’t express into it, and it feels like Chloe is doing the same thing right back. Max’s hands clutch in her brown hair, holding her close, not giving her anywhere to go that isn’t her, not that Chloe is doing anything different. Her arms hold Max almost painfully tight against her as they fall back into the bed.

The room feels so hot, her skin burns and her lungs ache for more air. But she can’t stop. She won’t stop. This is the last big kiss they’ll have before Chloe has to leave early in the morning. Then they have to pretend that none of this ever happened, that Max and Chloe still just means best friends instead of whatever craziness this is.

She hates it, but the thought of telling her parents is just so scary. The thought of giving herself the labels that would require is just as scary. She just wants them to be Max and Chloe, whatever that might be.

Entropy takes over and Max has to pull back first, sucking in desperate gulps of air before diving in for more. Chloe doesn’t argue, she goes right back into the kiss with every ounce of the passion she had when it started.

It only ends when there’s a gentle knock on the shut door and her dad’s voice comes through. “Girls?”

Max has to fly off Chloe as the other girl scrambles upright. She hopes her voice sounds level and neutral, even if it’s anything but. “H-hey pops!”

“Hey Mr. C.” Chloe’s voice is low and emotional, her eyes big saucers staring at Max.

“You two okay?”

“I had an attack…” Max admits. It is the truth, after all.

“Oh, I’m sorry honey. Is it okay if I come in?”

“I’m changing Mr. C!” Chloe shouts as she tries to stealthily race across the room and hurriedly change.

“It’s okay, I can wait.”

Their eyes meet despite Chloe’s hurried undressing. Max mouths ‘your hair’ to her, and she nods frantically as she swaps tops.

With one hand Chloe tries to smooth her hair while the other pulls her pajama pants into place. She gives Max the okay sign with a questioning look in her eyes, and Max shrugs. Her hair is a mess, but it normally is anyways. “I’m good Mr. C!”

The door opens and her dad’s concerned face pokes through the door. “Are you doing okay now?”

Max nods, hoping she doesn’t look like she was just desperately making out with Chloe. “Y-yeah. There was just too many people and…”

“And I followed her up and calmed her down.”

Her dad smiles at them both softly. “Thank you so much Chloe, I seriously have no idea what we’d do without you. You two get a good sleep and early day tomorrow.”

“Thanks, have a good night, dad.”

“Night, Mr. C.”

The door shuts again and Max takes the opportunity to change. Chloe immediately turns away and she feels a pang of something weird that she does.

_Do I really want Chloe to see me naked? That’s like… way too much way too fast._

With her pajamas on, she crawls back into bed, the day’s heavy toll catching up with her as Chloe hits the lights and joins her in the bed. She nestles in close, clinging on desperately as sleep starts to rip what little time they have left away from her.

“Hey.” Chloe’s voice is gentle and a little frayed.

“Hey.”

“We’ll figure this out, okay? Pirates are forever.”

A small smile creeps over her lips and she leans up to give Chloe one last kiss goodnight and goodbye. “Pirates are forever.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A huge thanks to Lt. Dax, Blue and SupportPaladin for betaing this.
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed these last moments of these gaybies together, because it's going to be a while before they're together again. As always, let me know what you think in the comments.


	12. “Home”

A gentle shake rouses her.

“Morning, Chloe; it’s time to get going.”

She opens bleary eyes to find the kindly if sad face of Max’s dad looking down at her.

This is the moment she’s been dreading.

“Five more minutes?”

Ryan snorts gently and glances down. Chloe follows his eyes to the sleeping form of Max, head resting on Chloe’s chest and the rest of her form draped over her body. She looks back up at him, and he winks. “Wouldn’t want to wake her, would we?”

Her throat is suddenly dry. “Y-yeah.”

“Okay,” he says softly, with a nod, “five more minutes.”

And then she’s alone with her again.

_ Should I… wake her? Man, she looks so fucking cute sleeping like this, but this is probably our last chance for a kiss. Shit, what do I do? _

Time is slipping through her fingers like sand.  _ Screw it, one last kiss.  _ She gently presses her lips against Max’s forehead. Max stirs, giving a gentle groan that tears at Chloe’s heart. “Hey, Max, it’s time to wake up.”

Max’s response is to press herself against Chloe, her hands gripping at Chloe’s shirt. “Nooooooo.”

“I know, I know, but your dad is gonna be back in a few minutes and this is our last chance…”

Max’s head immediately darts upwards and the adorable sight of Max’s sleepy face and rampant bedhead makes her heart swell.

Max’s lips find hers. They’re dry and chapped, but she doesn’t care about that or Max’s morning breath. The feeling is just so wonderful and exhilarating and Max’s tongue making a brief appearance sends shivers down her spine.

It’s over in an instant though, a knock on the door killing the moment. Max pulls back and grumbles. “I’m up, I’m up.”

Ryan’s soft laugh rumbles through the door. “Okay, okay. Chloe, you all packed?”

“I packed before the party.”

“Okay, get dressed and we’ll see you downstairs.”

She hears the thumps of his footfalls heading downstairs as their lips meet once more, Chloe just pouring every ounce of desperation she can into the short kiss. They can’t linger, as much as she wants to.

Max pulls away and it’s impossible to miss how hard she’s trying not to cry.

_ Come on, be strong. For Max. You can cry later. _

One comforting forehead kiss later and they’re both out of the bed, staring into each other's eyes as they gather their clothes.

There’s so much she wants to share, so many things she needs to make sure Max knows all wrapped up in three little words. But she chokes on them instead and feels her face burning as she finishes changing.  _ Once I leave this room, that’s it. _

They’re both dressed and neither is moving. Chloe wants it to last forever, to never leave, to not go back to her shitty empty home on her shitty street in her shitty podunk town and do shitty, meaningless busywork.

But it can’t last forever; nothing can.

“GIRLS! WE GOTTA GO!”

And like that Max is up on her tippy toes, pressing her lips into Chloe and Chloe is running her fingers through Max’s ponytail as she kisses back as hard as she can.

*****

In the Caulfields’ old, beat-up station wagon, all she can do is share eye contact with Max. Ryan and Vanessa are tossing her questions about what she enjoyed and what she’s looking forward to on her next visit. Her answers are bullshit, because they aren’t the truth, because the truth is what she has with Max and she can’t say _ that _ .

Instead she has to be the one to leave this time, and it’s harder than when Max left her.

William once told her that when you love someone, you give them a piece of you to keep, and fuck if that isn’t true. She fights to not cry while standing at the Greyhound terminal. It feels like she’s given Max so much more than just a part of herself. She already had a chunk of Chloe before everything went to shit, but she finally gets what he meant whenever he called Joyce his entire world.

Max is her world. All of it. She’s her heart, her soul and so, so much more.

And she’s leaving her in a place she doesn’t know for an empty house where she doesn’t feel at home.

If life had any justice, Max would be getting on this bus with her, or even better, she’d still be in bed with Max, blissfully asleep.

But life doesn’t have justice. It only takes. She’s starting to get that now. It ripped her dad and Max away right as she needed them most; she got Max back for a couple weeks and now she has to leave again. She just  _ knows _ she’s going to fuck this all up with Max anyways. Maybe if they had figured things out when they were older and wiser, there wouldn’t have been an issue. But she isn’t older and wiser, and she’s going to make mistakes.

Mistakes mean pain, and like hell is she going to hurt Max.

If she’s not dating Max, she can’t fuck up like that.

Unless not dating Max is already a fuckup.

She glances over at her, and seeing that freckled face twisted up as Max fights not to cry breaks her composure on the spot. Max follows a moment later. Tears roll down both their cheeks, and a little sob slips past Max’s lips. Chloe aches to hold her hand, to wrap her skinny frame up in her arms and hold her so tight, to tell her those three little words and never leave.

But she can’t. Ryan’s hands rest on Max’s tiny shoulders and his soothing baritone says comforting things to her, probably to both of them. Chloe doesn’t hear the words. All she hears is the ticking of the clock on the wall counting down to when her bus will arrive and take her away.

Sure enough, the crappy PA crackles into tinny life and announces her bus. Max sobs harder and they embrace one last time, like desperate lovers in a movie being torn apart except they can’t  _ show _ their love. They can just hold each other for a few moments until the line starts to move and Chloe has to join them and file onto the bus.

Thankfully she has a window seat. She presses her face into the window as she tries to tell Max with her eyes what she can’t say in public, and what her stupid limited texting plan is out of texts for her to say.

She really wishes she had a camera right now. Or had gotten a photograph of Max to take home with her.

“Awww, cute; is she your girlfriend?” says a soft, feminine voice behind her. She bristles at someone else using the label she won’t allow herself.

“No.”

The voice snorts behind her. “Coulda fooled me.”

Chloe just grunts; she isn’t about to waste mental energy on this stranger just yet. She just wants to watch Max as she fumbles with her bag and pulls out her new camera.  _ Of course she would. _

She does her best to flash Max a smile as she brings the camera up. It feels like a broken and empty smile, but it’s the best she can do right now for her. It fades fast as she sees the camera spit out its result. She can see Max briefly smile at it once it develops, then they’re both staring at each other. Max looks so small and fragile, Chloe wants to bust open the emergency window and rush to her side.

Instead there’s the sharp hiss of air-brakes releasing and the bus is moving. She can see Max shouting something she can’t hear over the roar of the engine. She waves to her and Max waves back with such frantic energy it looks like her spindly little arm will snap off.

Then the bus turns and she can’t see Max anymore. With a sigh she settles back into her seat.

“Ahhhhh young love. Such a precious thing,” says the woman sitting next to her.

Chloe turns to try and glare at her, but it melts at the soft smile on the woman’s face. All she can do is grunt a little bit.

“Hurts to be apart?”

The flash of rage is so hot and real she has to grip her arm rests tightly for a moment before replying. “Yeah.”

“Afraid of the distance?”

She bristles again.  _ Fuck off, lady; quit fucking poking around in my head. _

The woman just smiles knowingly before pulling out a book. “You’ll figure it out, don’t you worry.”

Chloe’s reply is to stare out the window as first the city, then the Cascades start rolling past.

It feels like the hole in her heart is threatening to swallow her whole all over again, she can feel the chasm she keeps falling into opening at her feet again. She presses her nails into the heel of her palm to steady herself. The prick of physical pain is oddly pleasant compared to the emotional pain.

She tries not to think about that too hard as she watches the world go by.

*****

The bus ride to Portland goes by fairly quickly. Eventually she pulls out her notebook and starts sketching out her favourite memories of Max from the trip. The shock on her face of their reunion, the blushing grin of the Christmas kiss, her elation at her camera. And definitely the face she had been making when she had been on top of Chloe. She feels her cheeks burn hot at that memory and quietly kicks herself for not making a move.

And then after that, the messiness of her hair after they made out, that little giddy smile she had afterwards that lit up Chloe’s heart like the fourth of July. What she wouldn’t give to see that smile just one more time.

The bus arrives in Portland and she climbs out, grabbing her bags and finding a quiet bench to sit at near the edge of the bare concrete pad that serves as a platform and goes back to sketching.

Her pencil sketches out the reverent look Max always gave her after they’d had to pause to breath, the look of utter adoration that always makes her want to cave and declare her undying love for Max fucking Caulfield from a rooftop. She briefly wonders what she looks like after they kiss, but remembers that Max took a fucking photo. She’ll have to bug her to send her a photocopy of it or something.

She sketches and sketches when really all she wants to do is bawl and have someone hold her tight. She wishes desperately that this wouldn’t hurt so much, that just once she wouldn’t be surrounded by so much pain, that Max would show up on the next bus and tell her that it was all a mistake, that Chloe’s going back to Seattle.

Instead, the bus to Bay City arrives.

*****

More mountains roll by, heavily forested with massive fucking trees. She used to go camping up in those woods with her dad and Max.

She doesn’t really give a shit about camping or nature anymore.

More sketches of Max happen, but she’s losing her enthusiasm. Her attention drifts more and more to her music. At least she’ll have dope ass stories to tell Eliot whenever the fuck he starts replying to her occasional text or IM.

Her phone buzzes. It’s from her mom.

[Joyce | 4:02pm]

Got called in, Wanda is sick. Chris will pick you up, leftovers are in the fridge.

Chloe doesn’t bother texting back; she’s only got a few texts left before the roll over in a couple days and those belong to Max.

With a soft sigh she closes her eyes and her focus drifts to the Jesus of Suburbia.

*****

Chris, the line cook, is there at the hut that passes for a terminal. He’s dishevelled and smells because he obviously just finished his shift. She mumbles a greeting and he casually laughs and puts her suitcase into the back of his crappy old hand-me-down Chevette.

He tries to tell her some jokes to lighten the mood. When she was younger he had helped Joyce entertain Max and Chloe when they’d spend all day at the diner staying out of trouble.

She doesn’t laugh.

He gives up well before they make it to her street.

It’s obvious that he feels sorry for her.

She doesn’t care.

He tries to smile as he takes her bags out of his trunk and leaves her there on the front step and gives an awkward goodbye that she returns.

The car drives off as she opens the door, and she steps inside.

It’s deathly quiet inside, no sounds of life other than her footsteps. She trudges with her duffle bags upstairs and drops them onto her floor. She fires Max off a quick IM saying she made it.

A voice in her mind tells her it’s safe to cry now.

She can’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A huge thanks to [Ghost_in_the_Hella](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ghost_in_the_Hella), [Ipomia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ipomia/) and [Blu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bluekip/) for betaing! Check out their stuff.


	13. Chloe Fever

Max groans as another wave of chills wracks her body, she shivers under the piled up blankets. She grips the pillow that was Chloe’s tight, letting the lingering smell comfort her as much as it can as her body aches and her forehead burns.

The flu had hit her like a sledgehammer within two days of Chloe leaving, and the pain of her absence hurts even worse for it. Whenever Max had gotten sick, Chloe would be there helping her parents take care of her after school and on the weekends, and Max had helped her right back. Making sure the other had fresh water, helping with cough and cold medicine and whatever else they could, even if it was only watching daytime TV together.

How she wished she was there now, sitting on the bed with her, telling bad jokes at the expense of whatever boring old people were eating up the airtime, drawing her goofy pictures, really anything to make her smile and feel just a little better.

_ I can’t believe we didn’t figure it out sooner. _ She smiles a little bit at the memory of that first kiss in the closet, her fingers touching her lips.

“Hey pumpkin, how’re you feeling?” Her dad’s voice comes from the doorway and she can barely manage to lift her aching head up to see him.

“Hey pops…” she answers weakly, her head falling back onto her pillow.

“Still feeling the same, huh?” he asks as he walks into the room and stands next to her bed. Max shuffles over to make room and he sits down.

“Yeah.”

He gently pats her back before rubbing it in small circles. “Got any appetite?”

“Not really…” she replies before a cough forces its way out.

Her dad keeps rubbing her back and she shuffles a little closer to him. “I’ll bring you up some soup in an hour then, you need to at least eat something, sweetie.”

She grumbles by way of reply as her phone buzzes on her nightstand. Her dad glances over and smiles. “It’s Chloe.”

“Mmmh, Chloe…” Max mumbles to herself, pressing up against the pillow in her arms.

“You really miss her, huh?”

“Yeah,” she answers as she reaches out a shaky hand for her phone. Her dad picks it up and hands it to her and she rests her phone on her pillow for when she’s alone and can text Chloe in peace. “Thanks for letting her visit.”

“Sorry about keeping you in the dark, but I think it all worked out. You would have been going crazy waiting if we’d told you.”

Max groans as another chill rushes through her and she grips her pillow tighter. “Y-yeah…”

“She’s a pretty special girl, huh?” her dad says with a soft chuckle as Max’s phone buzzes with even more texts from Chloe. “I bet if she could, she’d be here with you right now.”

The thought makes Max’s chapped lips break out into a big smile as she pictures Chloe laying behind her, holding her tight as the fever burns on. “Mhm…”

“I don’t think you’ve been that happy since we moved.”

Max nods as her phone buzzes a few more times. This time it’s Fernando texting her.

Things go quiet for a while save for another coughing fit from Max. She doesn’t mind the quiet, not having to focus lets her rest her head. Her dad picks up the water bottle next to her bed and holds it up for her. “Come on, time for a drink.”

She doesn’t protest as he helps her sit up and holds her back up as she grabs the bottle and drinks greedily, the water helping cool her fever at least a little bit. Part of her wishes she could drink forever just so she doesn’t feel so crappy, but then she’ll have to get up and use the bathroom, and that’s it’s own special hell. Eventually she stops drinking and her dad sets the water bottle back down. “Thanks, pops.”

“Anytime. Did you want to stay sitting up?”

“Not really,” Max groans as she already feels the fatigue setting in, and her dad gently lowers her back down before tucking her in again.

Silence lapses again, not that Max really notices as more chills wash over her. Her dad sighs and brushes her hair out of her face. The gesture just makes her think of Chloe, and all her quiet little intimacies when they were alone over the past week.

“So…” Ryan starts, the word hanging in the air like an ominous blimp, “Is there, um, anything you want to tell me, sweetie? About you and Chloe?”

Max immediately freezes up, her heart suddenly pounding in her chest, eyes wide in surprise before she manages to recover enough to form anything approaching a response. “What? N-no! There’s n-nothing to s-say.”

Her father looks at her for a moment before smiling and nodding. “Alright, pumpkin, but if there’s anything you wanna talk about, just know that your mom and I love you no matter what, alright?”

“T-thanks.” She wheezes as her body immediately feels exhausted from the sudden shock, even while adrenaline is still flowing.

“How about that soup, yeah?”

She musters up a nod and he leaves her alone as her panic starts to resolve into coherent thoughts through the feverish haze.  _ Does he know? He has to be trying to get me to say something… Why would he say any of that if he didn’t know? Would I be allowed to stay with Chloe for the break if I say anything? Would Chloe be mad at me if I said it? _

Her hand darts for her phone; she has texts to read. Fernando wishes her well and hopes she feels better. She sends him a quick thank you. Chloe’s texts beckon.

**[Chloe|11:36am]**

**hey max, hope you’re feeling better**

**sucks i can’t be there**

**[Chloe|12:22pm]**

**guess you’re sleeping, so that’s good**

**[Chloe|4:26pm]**

**max heeeeeelp**

**i'm so fucking booooooored**

**wake uuuuuup**

**[Chloe|4:34pm]**

**they must have you on the good stuff if you’re still sleeping caulfield**

**[Max|4:40pm]**

**I’m up I’m up**

**[Chloe|4:41pm]**

**about time! how are you feeling?**

**[Max|4:42pm]**

**Still like crap, fever is getting worse and I really miss you**

Max winces, she knows they’re supposed to keep it secret and out of their texts in case someone looks, but she really does miss Chloe so, so much and she doesn’t have the energy to call her.

**[Chloe|4:43pm]**

**i wish i was still there, someone has to keep an eye on you**

**[Max|4:44pm]**

**I hear pops coming back up with some soup, ttyl**

**[Chloe|4:44pm]**

**laters dork**

Max closes her phone and puts it back on Chloe’s old pillow as her dad opens the door gently and walks in carrying a tray with soup and crackers. “Mom picked you up some beef barley today so you can have a break from chicken noodle. Sound good?”

“How is Mom?” she asks as she tries to scoot into a sitting position by herself, to mixed results. Ryan gently sets the tray down by her bed and moves to help, gently lifting her back up, piling up some spare pillows along the side of Max’s bed behind her and then helping her get comfortable in them.

“She’s worried about you and wishes she could see you,” he answers as he carefully moves the tray into place and sets it down. “Do you want any help?”

“Thanks pops, but I think I can do it.”

Her dad laughs softly as he grabs the chair from her desk and sets it down next to her bed. He’s comically oversized for the small chair and she has to stifle her own laugh. “Just making sure.”

“How, um, is mom’s new hospital?” she asks as she crumbles the salted crackers into her soup. It’s tough with how little strength she has, but she does manage.

“Busy, and they’re still not letting her do what she used to, but she’s just glad to have work again.”

Max nods as she slowly and carefully takes her first spoonful, trying to keep it from wobbling too much as memories of the frantic nights around that time come back. The flavour of the soup distracts her a bit, but they still hurt. Her parents had tried to hide it all from her, but she saw what was on the news and heard their whispered shouts as things had started going wrong.

And now she’s living hours away from Chloe because of some bankers she’d never met and only existed for her on TV.

Before she knew it, she’d gotten halfway through the bowl of soup.  _ I guess I was hungrier than I thought. _ Her dad smiled at her and ruffled her hair as she finished her next mouthful. “I knew you needed some soup.”

“Thanks, pops.”

“Do you want the laptop when you’re finished eating? Watch something on the youtubes or whatever?”

Max giggles at his joke and he laughs along with her. “Sure, thanks.”

“There’s my girl, you just eat up and I’ll go get it for you.”

The prospect of being able to message with Chloe on the laptop instead of texting spurs her on to eat faster. Probably a bit too fast, but the sooner she’s done the sooner she can message Chloe.

_ I just hope I keep it all down, yesterday was really gross. _

She can’t quite manage to finish the whole thing before her stomach starts yelling at her to stop, but she’s eaten most of it at least. She sets her spoon down and pulls out her phone.

**[Max|5:00pm]**

**Pops is letting me use the laptop**

**[Chloe|5:00pm]**

**sweet!**

**see you soon dorkmeister!**

Max giggles at the screen before flipping the phone closed as she hears her dad coming up the stairs.

“Someone’s excited,” he says as he comes through the door with the big family laptop tucked under his arm and the charging cable in his hand. “Just no looking at porn, okay?”

Max’s face goes red as she groans, “Pops noooooooo, how many times are you going to make that joke?”

“Until it stops being funny.” Ryan chuckles as he starts swapping out the dishes. “At least you ate most of it, you’ve got more appetite than yesterday. I don’t think you’ve been this sick since ‘05.”

“I still can’t believe I caught that twice,” Max groans as Ryan places the laptop on the tray and plugs it in. “I got the vaccine and everything!”

“Sweetie, do you want another lecture from your mom about how vaccines work?” Her dad says with a laugh as he finishes getting everything set up. “They’re not 100% effective. I just hope this isn’t that swine flu that’s been on the news.”

“It still sucked.”

“I’m sure it did, pumpkin. You let me know if there’s anything else you need, alright?”

She nods as she flips the lid of the laptop up. “Sure thing, thanks.”

“Any time, sweetheart.”

And like that, she’s alone with the laptop. She logs into her account and boots up MSN messenger as fast as she can, but makes sure not to log into her main account. Instead she swaps over to her account for talking to Chloe and her guildmates.

**[n0ir_angel|5:08pm]**

**Hey Chloe!**

**[19sk8trgrrl94|5:08pm]**

**sup dork**

**free and clear?**

**[n0ir_angel|5:09pm]**

**Yup! Pops went back downstairs.**

**[19sk8trgrrl94|5:09pm]**

**cool**

**i miss u so fucking much**

**it's crazy**

**[n0ir_angel|5:10pm]**

**I really wish you were here too, being sick and alone super sucks.**

**[19sk8trgrrl94|5:10pm]**

**ur new friends won’t visit?**

**[n0ir_angel|5:11pm]**

**They don’t want to get sick.**

**[19sk8trgrrl94|5:11pm]**

**wusses**

**[n0ir_angel|5:12pm]**

**You’d get sick if you were here because you’d just want to kiss me!**

**[19sk8trgrrl94|5:14pm]**

**i plead the 5th**

**would totes be worth it tho**

**[n0ir_angel|5:15pm]**

**Totes magoats. Plus then I’d get to take care of you.**

**[19sk8trgrrl94|5:15pm]**

**omfg**

**u did not just say that**

**lemme guess**

**kristen**

**[n0ir_angel|5:16pm]**

**I don’t just repeat everything she says!**

**Plus it was a guildmate who said it when we were raiding.**

**[19sk8trgrrl94|5:17pm]**

**turbonerd**

**[n0ir_angel|5:18pm]**

**WHAT?! HEY! Playing World of Warcraft does *not* make me a turbo nerd! Besides, you’re the chemistry geek!**

**[19sk8trgrrl94|5:19pm]**

**yeah but i get to blow stuff up with chemistry**

**[n0ir_angel|5:2opm]**

**Guess you don’t want any kisses from this turbonerd when I come to visit then.**

**[19sk8trgrrl94|5:20pm]**

**LOWBLOW CAULFIELD! LOWBLOW!**

**fine**

**ur not a turbonerd**

**[n0ir_angel|5:22pm]**

**Thank you.**

**For real though, it would be great being back in Arcadia with you.**

**[19sk8trgrrl94|5:23pm]**

**yeah…**

**it'd be great to just hang with u again**

**eliot isn’t talking to me for some reason**

**no idea why**

**hasn't been at the skatepark 2**

**[n0ir_angel|5:24pm]**

**That’s weird.**

**I hope everything is okay.**

**[19sk8trgrrl94|5:24pm]**

**i'll probs see him in school tmrw**

**so i'll find out then**

**hope he’s not pissed that I turned down his offer to hang over xmas to hang with you or smthng stupid like that**

Max bites down on her lip as she rereads the line of text a few times.  _ Oh I really hope that’s not what happened. I don’t know why he’d care so much, but I really hope I didn’t cost Chloe a friend. _

**anyways mom just got home**

**gotta go help cook**

**ttyl?**

**[n0ir_angel|5:27pm]**

**Of course, I’ll text you if I lose the laptop.**

***kisses***

**[19sk8trgrrl94|5:28pm]**

**this is as close to emoji as u get**

***kisses back***

Max giggles and she presses her fingers from her lips to the screen and back again as she imagines Chloe doing the same thing. It’s not much, but she’ll have to content herself with it for the weeks between now and the March break.  _ I hope she’s doing okay by herself, from what she’s told me Joyce isn’t home much… _

She watches the online light wink out next to Chloe’s screen name, so she opens up a browser and starts looking up Wrath of the Lich King guides for when she’s better and can play again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Been a while for this fic, sorry about the wait, I was just stuck on a way to make this chapter interesting. I hope I succeeded. 
> 
> Those of you rereading since it's been a while will notice that I went back and redid the texting format. I hope this new format reads better, it's certainly way less fiddly to write! As always I eagerly await what you have to say in the comments and thank you so much for reading.
> 
> Shout outs to Ghost in the Hella and LazyLazer for betaing!
> 
> Oh, and happy Valentines Day, hope you're having a good one.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Happy Birthday, Katie Marsh](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26425306) by [DMMeeble](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DMMeeble/pseuds/DMMeeble)




End file.
